Chelsea want to hi-jack United's Ronaldo move, Julio Cesar to Arsenal, Reina top of Barca's list, Weimann may go and...
Not quite, but it seems that negotiations are very gradually edging towards a resolution in Theo Walcott's contract talks.
Both The Daily Mail and The Guardian report that talks are ongoing but close to a conclusion, proving a relief to not only plenty of Arsenal fans, but the rest of us too, given how tedious this whole business has become.
The Guardian claims: 'The 23-year-old, whose current deal expires at the end of the season, would be paid about £90,000-a-week with a significant signing-on bonus, thought to be worth around £3m, written into the agreement should he agree to extend his stay at the Emirates stadium for a further five years.'
The Mail slightly differs, claiming it will in fact be £88,000-a-week. It's an indication of how warped football has made our perceptions that this difference seems a miniscule amount of money, but actually equates to £104,000-a-year.
INCE DEAL CLOSE TOO
The Mail clearly wants these sagas to be over as soon as possible too, for they predict that Liverpool's bid to sign Thomas Ince will be done and dusted pretty sharpish too.
Apparently Swansea made an offer for the Blackpool winger but were scared off by the asking price, leaving Liverpool a free run at their former player.
The Mail says: 'Liverpool had already lodged a £4.75million offer but Blackpool have been holding out for closer to £7million.'
The paper also adds that AC Milan have joined the clutch of clubs to show an interest in Nuri Sahin, along with Borussia Dortmund and Inter.
READING IN FOR WELBECK
Interesting one in The Times, who report that Reading have made an approach for Danny Welbeck.
Apparently they are in 'advanced talks' to loan the England striker until the end of the season, who hasn't had much of a chance at United what with Robin van Persie being all brilliant and stuff.
If United are willing to let Welbeck go, the talk of signing Robert Lewandowski does start to make a little more sense.
RIO WANTS TO STAY
Rio Ferdinand has apparently had all sorts of shiny and lucrative offers to end his career swimming, Scrooge McDuck-style, in a pile of cash, but The Daily Star reports he will say 'no' to the lot.
The paper claims Ferdinand wishes to 'pledge his future' to Manchester United instead.
The Star reports: 'The 34-year-old is out of contract at the end of the season and has not been offered a new deal at Old Trafford.
'He has been made several lucrative offers from clubs in the Middle East, MLS and China that could TREBLE his wages to a staggering £300,000 a week.'
However, he'll open talks with Untied about a new deal, and will be willing to 'accept a significant wage cut.'
AND THE REST...
Italian giants Inter Milan are plotting a £25m move for Manchester City striker Edin Dzeko...Newcastle will turn to St Etienne striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, rated at £6m, if they fail to land Loic Remy from Marseille...David Beckham has been offered a bumper £20m two-year deal to join the Qatar Stars League...West Ham and Hull will battle it out to sign former England goalkeeper Paul Robinson from Blackburn...Swansea boss Michael Laudrup wants Stoke striker Kenwyne Jones to replace Danny Graham, who is being tracked by Reading and Sunderland...Everton and Fulham are both keen on Argentinian winger Matias Schelotto, 23, who is rated at £5m by Italian Serie A side Atalanta...Bolton boss Dougie Freedman is set to sign Slovakia midfielder Jan Gregus in a £200,000 deal from Banik Ostrava after he impressed on trial...Millwall have tabled a £350,000 bid for Bristol City striker Ryan Taylor, 24, after losing loan signing Chris Wood to Championshp rivals Leicester City...Tottenham have turned down Everton's request to take midfielder Jake Livermore on loan...Manchester United's path to signing Crystal Palace winger Wilfried Zaha, 20, looks to be clear after Tottenham pulled out of the race...Swansea are lining up a £750,000 move for Real Betis midfielder Jose Canas...Birmingham have slapped a £6m price tag on England U19 international Nathan Redmond after enquiries from Newcastle, West Brom and Fulham