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The Bonus Bacon Gossip
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Zlatan to City or Chelsea (it's a leap), Benteke to Spurs, City, Arsenal or Chelsea, £15m for Begovic and lots more...
A QUEUE FORMS FOR ERIKSEN
It's 'red alert' time in The Daily Mail, who report that a queue of English clubs is forming for Ajax's indecently talented midfielder Christian Eriksen.
The paper quotes Marc Overmars as saying the youngster won't be signing a new contract in Amsterdam anytime soon, causing a stirring in transfer pants all over Europe.
"Christian has informed us that he doesn't want to sign a new contract right now," Overmars told sporten.dk. "I think he and his agent want to see what opportunities present themselves this summer.
"We want him to stay here for at least two more years, but the day he leaves us, he will be ready to play for the very best. He's a player even the biggest clubs in the world could do with having in their squad."
And Eriksen's agent Martin Schoots is quoted as saying: "Anything Marc or Christian have said about it is correct.
"But we've agreed that we don't want to talk about the speculation too much. Christian wants to focus solely on football and not so much on his future."
Liverpool, Manchester United, Manchester City and Tottenham, are all linked, with Brendan's boys apparently the favourites, for some reason.
LIVERPOOL IN FOR ITARRA
Speaking of Brendan moving for silky playmakers, The Daily Express reports they're after a Malaga man.
And that Malaga man is midfielder Manuel Itarra.
The Chilean is apparently 'agitating' for a move away from the Spanish club, and would be available for a knock-down price of £3million.
BAYERN DENY LEWANDOWSKI MOVE. ISH
Over to Germany now, where all the talk is of Robert Lewandowski's rumoured move from Borussia Dortmund to Bayern Munich.
The latest sage to claim this is so has been Lothar Mattheus, but Bayern president Uli Hoeness slapped him down rather.
"If Lothar confirms this, then soon he will be the general manager at Bayern," he is quoted as saying.
"Matthaus has become active again in recent months. It was always with women - but now he's suddenly discussing new players at Bayern."
So not strictly a denial, then. But not a confirmation either. This has basically been pointless. Fool us for writing it, but surely more fool you for reading. Maybe even more fool all of us for vaguely paying attention to all this bullsh*t.
SCHWARZER HAS FULHAM TALKS
Mark Schwarzer wants to stay at Fulham, and he has opened talks about just this subject.
He's quoted as saying in The Fulham Chronicle: "I feel really good and don't think the age thing is hindering my performances in any way. I've had some initial discussions and the intentions are there at the club to keep me.
"But in what capacity we'll have to wait and see. I want to be playing each week - that's the key for me. I love playing and don't want to be No.2 anywhere."
AND THE REST...
Defender Alex Pearce is set to snub West Brom and Sunderland and sign a new deal at Reading...West Brom are eyeing a summer move for Leeds United full-back Sam Byram, 19, who is also being tracked by Liverpool and Everton...Wolves are keen to sign Reading defender Kaspars Gorkss, 31, on loan for the rest of the season...Championship side Huddersfield are closing in on Coventry City's Mark Robins as their new boss...Hull City boss Steve Bruce wants to sign Peterborough striker George Boyd on loan - but will have to pay a hefty 'rental' fee...Midfielder Stephen Ireland, 26, has been frozen out at Aston Villa and forced to train with the club's youth team.
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