United & Chelsea in for Mosquito, Moncao want Kompany, Barca back in for Luiz, Arsenal & Liverpool duke it out...
CITY IN FOR PEPE?
Manchester City have made some pretty shrewd acquisitions this summer. Jesus Navas gives them the pace they need, Fernandinho looks good, Stevan Jovetic is enormously talented and Alvaro Negredo has some fierce denim cut-off shorts.
However, if The Daily Mirror is right they're about to take leave of their senses and sign Pepe. That Pepe. The unhinged Pepe. The unhinged 30-year-old Pepe.
The Mirror claims: 'Real Madrid's £15m-rated Pepe remains Pellegrini's top target, with the City boss having indicated the club's willingness to spend even more to reclaim the Premier League title and make an impact on the Champions League.'
BALE BID REJECTED
Take everything you read in this bit with the following information in mind: it's largely ripped from Marca.
Keeping that in mind, The Sun tells us that Gareth Bale has 'rocked' Spurs by telling them he wants to leave for Real Madrid.
The unsurprisingly unbylined piece in the paper claims Andre Villas-Boas's hopes have 'been torn to shreds by the dramatic revelation that Bale wants out.'
It is, of course, almost certainly complete bullshit.
Incidentally, some bright spark on Twitter found what he claimed to be a story Marca wrote about Luka Modric last year, and that the 'quotes' from Bale in their latest tale are exactly the same as the ones from Modric.
We're not sure if this is entirely accurate, but let's be frank - it has more chance of being true that Marca's latest slice of bollocks.
SAINTS IN FOR SINCLAIR
Southampton would seem a decent place for Scott Sinclair.
And if The Sun is right, that's exactly where the erstwhile winger will be next season, with the paper claiming that Mauricio Pochettino is set to duke it out with West Brom for his scribble.
Apparently Southampton would be willing to stump up £5million for Sinclair, who looks likely to have even less playing time than last season after the arrival of Jesus Navas.
LIVERPOOL BACK IN FOR PAPADOPOLOUS
If this happens, every newspaper back page is going to be like an episode of Birds Of A Feather, with every kind of heeeeeelarious gag about unpronounceable Greek names crammed into headlines across the land.
Anyway, The Daily Mirror reports that Liverpool are back in for Schalke defender Kyriakos Papadopolous 'amid reports of Napoli interest in Anfield centre half Martin Skrtel.'
Papadopolous has apparently recovered sufficiently from a knee injury at the end of last season to convince Brendan Rodgers that he's their man should Rafa Benitez by Skrtel again.
AND THE REST...
Lee Cattermole face a bleak future at Sunderland after Paolo Di Canio refused to back him...Bafetimbi Gomis is close to joining Newcastle in Joe Kinnear's first transfer breakthrough...Hull landed Yannick Sagbo - by giving him a £5million release clause in his deal...Chelsea face an anxious wait to see if they can hold on to wonderkid Bertrand Traore...Arsenal have been told they must pay almost £22million to capture Brazilian ace Bernard...Demba Ba insists he will not try to quit Chelsea if they sign Wayne Rooney...West Ham have opened talks with former Chelsea forward Salomon Kalou...Southampton striker Billy Sharp is wanted on loan by old club Doncaster...Sheffield Wednesday have pipped Crystal Palace to Austrian striker Atdhe Nuhiu on a free transfer...Southend boss Phil Brown is to re-sign former Hull striker Jonathan Forte on a season-long loan from Southampton...Tottenham defender Bongani Khumalo is a loan target for ambitious Doncaster...Celtic remain interested in Wolves striker Kevin Doyle as a replacement for Gary Hooper...Crystal Palace are showing interest in former Bolton striker Johan Elmander...Chelsea have made an enquiry for Brazil defender Doria...Reading striker Pavel Pogrebnyak is keen to cancel his contract and return to Russia with Rubin Kazan.