Leighton Baines is Man United's 'only realistic target', Jose not asking for anyone in January, Big Sam in trouble...
LEVY TRIED TO SCUPPER OZIL DEAL
Ha! Thought the end of the transfer window would mean the end of the Gossip Column? Yeah, well, so did we, but as long as the papers keep churning out this swill, we'll keep shovelling it your way.
So let us start.
According to The Daily Express, Daniel Levy was so cross about Arsenal signing a player better than any of the excellent players Spurs signed this summer, he tried to scupper the deal.
But not by making an offer for the German himself - oh no, it seems he just asked Real nicely not to sell to Arsenal.
The Express reports: 'Reports in Spain suggest that Levy appealed to the partnership between the two clubs agreed as part of the Luka Modric transfer to try and stop Perez selling Ozil to Spurs' north London rival.
'According to El Confidencial Levy felt "betrayed" by news that Ozil would be allowed to leave for the Gunners after enquiring about the player's availability during July and August, potentially as part of the Gareth Bale transfer.'
UNITED MADE A LATE MOVE TOO
All in all, it sounds like Arsenal did fairly well to seal the Ozil deal, because Manchester United tried to sign him too.
The Daily Mirror reports that United made a last-ditch offer to Real for Ozil, as other deals floated away in the breeze like that carrier bag from American Beauty.
The Mirror claims: 'Mirror Sport understands that desperate phone calls were made on Monday morning to see if Ozil was still available, having been offered by third party agents two weeks before.
'But it was already too late as Germany midfielder Ozil, 24, had turned down a more lucrative offer from Paris Saint Germain and now it emerges that Arsenal also beat United to a deal with Real Madrid.'
UNITED WILL BE BACK FOR HERRERA & BAINES
Not one to let a humiliating and bungled saga discourage him, David Moyes will apparently go in for round two come January.
The Daily Mail reports that Manchester United will make new moves for both Ander Herrera and Leighton Baines when the transfer window re-opens, in order to 'try to restore Manchester United's crumbling reputation as a major player in the transfer market.'
Or buy a couple of good players, maybe. Dunno.
The paper tells us: 'Moyes insisted yesterday the pursuit of Herrera ended because he simply considered the £30.5million fee too high, saying: "I really liked the player and still do. We were trying to do a deal but I just thought the buy-out figure was the wrong valuation."
COLE BACK TO WEST HAM
Ha! Who saw this coming?
According to The Daily Star and a few other places, Carlton Cole will re-sign for West Ham on a short-term contract, after their transfer kerfuffles saw them with just one fit centre-forward that really fits with Sam Allardyce's style.
Cole seems to have been driving between various clubs, seeing if anyone wants him all summer, and now it appears that he might as well have just stayed where he was.
BRUCE NOT HAPPY
Oooooh, Steve Bruce is irked, it seems, and rightly so.
The Daily Telegraph reports that Hull shelled out £10,000 to fly Shane Long from the Ireland camp to East Riding on a private plane, having agreed a £5million fee with West Brom. Long then had a medical, however it all went a little wrong from that point.
The excellent John Percy reports: 'Long was then driven to Hull's training ground to put the finishing touches to his surprise move from the Hawthorns and had already agreed personal terms before Bruce was informed the deal was off by Albion at 9.50pm.
'It is understood Albion made the late decision when it became clear that Chelsea forward Romelu Lukaku would not be rejoining the club and was instead heading for a season's loan at Everton.
'But the turnaround is believed to have left Bruce, the Hull manager, "fuming" while Long is also feeling further disillusioned with his treatment by West Brom.'
AND THE REST...
Ian Holloway says Crystal Palace have shown their desire to avoid the drop by signing 15 players in the transfer window...Hull boss Steve Bruce is fuming at missing out on West Brom striker Shane Long...Southampton will let Billy Sharp go on loan - if Leeds, Doncaster, Reading, Sheffield Wednesday or Ipswich pay all his wages...Former Liverpool midfielder Momo Sissoko is on the verge of a move to Reading...West Brom have cancelled the contract of defender Gabriel Tamas...
Dutch winger Marvin Zeegelaar has joined Blackpool on loan until January...Jose Mourinho will watch Benfica midfielder Nemanja Matic in Friday's clash between Serbia and Croatia...Fulham could bring midfielder Mahamadou Diarra back to the club...Besiktas are in talks with Fulham to sign £2.5million winger Kerim Frei...Harry Redknapp wants Chris Baird to sign a one-year QPR deal...Southampton striker Billy Sharp is being chased by five clubs...Leeds will raid Birmingham for winger Chris Burke once the loan transfer window opens on Sunday.