Karim Benzema to Liverpool for £50m (of course), with Virgil van Dijk and Fabian Delph also on the wanted list.
VIDAL MOVE IN DOUBT OVER KNEE ISSUES
During a summer in which everyone and their ITK brother seems to think that they have the inside track on Arturo Vidal's supposed move to Manchester United, Chile boss Jorge Sampaoli actually has some information about why the deal may be sitting somewhere between unlikely and sluggish.
Sampaoli is quoted in Chilean media as claiming that Louis van Gaal is wary of spending £47million on a player with a recent knee problem, which seems sensible. Vidal had surgery on his knee cartilage in May and was rushed back from the operation in order to feature in the World Cup, which accounted for some slightly subdued performances.
"I know that the main problem in Vidal's $80m (£47m) transfer from Juventus to Manchester United," Sampaoli told El Mercurio. "It is Louis van Gaal's doubt over the improvement of Arturo's knee."
It this perfect for United fans? Now you can pretend that you dodged a bullet anyway if you don't sign him.
ARSENAL IN FOR AGGER
It may be a Daily Star transfer rumour, but there is actually some sense in their story that Arsenal are interested in buying Daniel Agger.
It was thought that the Danish defender would choose between Barcelona and Brondby as his next destination, but with Barca now reportedly bidding for Arsenal's Thomas Vermaelen, it seems clear that Arsene Wenger may want another central defender. Whether that defender also has to be left-footed and injury prone is unclear.
That said, Agger has Premier League experience and may not expect to play every game, making him a potentially decent signing. Then again, it might all be poppycock.
ATLETICO WANT SCHURRLE
Despite winning the World Cup this summer and scoring a few lovely goals in the process, there seems a clear and present danger that Andre Schurrle will become something of a forgotten man at Chelsea.
Having to fit Schurrle, Willian, Oscar, Eden Hazard, Diego Costa, Cesc Fabregas, Nemanja Matic, Ramires, Marco van Ginkel and Fernando Torres (ha!) in to a front six really isn't easy, and the German is likely to become something of a cup competition starter and Premier League substitute. Which is a shame.
The Daily Telegraph's transfer rumour involving Schurrle is therefore very interesting indeed, claiming that Atletico Madrid will test Chelsea's resolve with a bid. Spicy.
One thing we would say: Schurrle cost £18million only a year ago, had a great World Cup and is just 23. It would take a hefty, hefty, hefty bid to prize him away from Jose Mourinho's grasp.
AND THE REST
Southampton will sign goalkeeper Fraser Forster in an £8million deal if Celtic crash out of the UEFA Champions League tonight... Swansea will move for £6million-rated Celtic defender Virgil van Dijk once Chico Flores' sale goes through... Spurs are confident of completing their deal to sign Villarreal defender Mateo Musacchio despite a hitch over third-party ownership issues... Derby are poised to sign Real Madrid midfielder Omar Mascarell on loan... Hatem Ben Arfa could be used as a makeweight in a deal to bring Lyon striker Alexandre Lacazette to Newcastle...
West Ham have failed with a £7million bid for Stuttgart striker Vedad Ibisevic... Sheffield Wednesday last night launched a shock late bid to snatch Stevie May from St Johnstone... Cardiff boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has moved for Bordeaux defender Lamine Sane and Birmingham's Tom Adeyemi... Fulham want £2.5million to allow Kostas Mitroglou to join Hertha Berlin on loan... West Brom are showing an interest in Stoke attacker Jon Walters... Celtic are keen on Wigan winger Callum McManaman.