It's almost certainly a spoof, but if the Etihad Stadium review is real it's the best review ever written.
Mourinho's faulty plan, Lacazette's away run, Newcastle waiting for Godot and plenty more too...
And that's keeper Ederson. Elsewhere, we have a West Ham trio, a couple of Saints and two Liverpool players.
Scott Arfield was Burnley's hero as he scored the only goal in a 1-0 win over Watford at Turf Moor.
Remarkably, only five teams have more points after 15 games than at the same stage last season.
Will Liverpool beat Everton? Does Superman wear tights? Plus Arsenal to slip up, and Alli to score.
Big Weekend? It's massive. Especially for derbies Manchester and Merseyside, League Two and Real
Alternative title: Why having a Big Six is a good thing. We say we want variety but we don't mean it...
You know the drill - one potential loanee from every club. And an update on July's picks.
Big Sam will take Everton to Anfield in the FA Cup, which is just one of a few tasty third-round ties...
A whole lot of love for Lingard, who has now matched loser Christian Eriksen this season.
Burnley couldn't keep up their brilliant form as they were edged out 1-0 by Leicester on Saturday.
The wise money for Arsenal v Man United is not on goals. It is a different question for Liverpool, of course.
Burnley remain 'humble', says Sean Dyche, who could help solve an underage drinking problem...
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