"If I was Mauricio, and I'm not," says Sam Allardyce, in the greatest unnecessary clarification of all time.
Some people need to practise what they preach when it comes to social media, it seems...
Yes, it's all about Raheem Sterling again. The Sun find it 'ridiculous and offensive' that they could be blamed.
Did Raheem Sterling make himself a "target" for racism? Either way, he is wrong about the media. The white folk said.
Or 'convicted criminal exposes young men for having legal fun...four months ago'.
Alisson was either Liverpool's worst player or "sensational". United v Arsenal was 'just like the old days'.
And by 'proof', we mean an utterly irrelevant and out of context example from 25 years ago. Viva Man United!
Four straight defeats and it's Eddie Howe's Englishness that is the problem? Behave.
Probably not. Plus, how could Sky Sports possibly know that David Moyes would take the Southampton job? Sources!
In the worlds of Paul Merson and Tim Sherwood, who is baffled by Arsenal being favourites this weekend...
It really is a close one. Oh, Tottenham won? Wait, what? Plus Jose Mourinho just needs a holiday.
It's one or the other, no in between. Man United winning in the last minute has sent everyone mad.
My word. He still expects Man Utd to finish third or fourth. Plus, he really does use his imagination....
Arsenal won. They really did. And yet Mesut Ozil was the story. Oh and we are worried about Neil Custis.
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