How Benjamin Sesko’s ‘drastic measures’ can ‘fix’ football after move which will ‘trigger outrage’
Prepare for your ‘outrage’ to be well and truly ‘triggered’ by some woke, ‘tradition-defying’ FIFA nonsense. Get Benjamin Sesko on it.
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Van Dijk moment ‘speaks volumes’ for Liverpool as Premier League faces ‘backlash’
Virgil van Dijk shows his willingness to lose ‘cool points’ while actual war is mobilised for clicks.
Will Cristiano Ronaldo launch Manchester United takeover after ownership ‘hint’ and ‘fix’ message?
Cristiano Ronaldo using Saudi links to buy a 25 per cent stake in a Spanish second-tier club is obviously his first step towards owning Man Utd.
The five-letter Alejandro Garnacho ‘message’ that makes us despair
There’s just something about Alejandro Garnacho that screams content. But sometimes he has literally done nothing.
World Cup ‘fears’ as Arsenal and Liverpool Champions League paths ‘clear’
Football headlines that aren’t about football, exclusives that aren’t exclusives, fears that aren’t fears, and an icon who isn’t an icon. Enjoy.
Michael Carrick has turned Sesko into Rooney and Gary Neville STILL not convinced
‘Man Utd’s £207m strike force pays dividends with goal to echo glory years’ apparently. Seems a fair reaction to a 1-0 win over Everton.
Arsenal ‘exposed Tottenham’s guilty secret’ as Premier League title handed over
The incredibly well-remunerated Martin Samuel of The Times has spotted something: Tottenham are really not very good.
How Mourinho ‘tried to comfort’ Vinicius Junior before leaving fans in ‘hysterics’ by ‘doing a Wenger’
Jose Mourinho ‘tried to comfort’ a ‘furious’ Vinicius Jr by blaming him for suffering alleged racist abuse. But Cole Palmer holidaying is a bigger story.
Jurgen Klopp ‘bombshell’ revealed as Man United plot unlikely Liverpool raid
Who’s up for a Jurgen Klopp ‘bombshell’? Or what about the three definitely viable ways Man United can lure Alexis Mac Allister to Old Trafford?
Spurs fans to blame for fumbling world’s most ‘desirable’ and ‘in-demand’ manager
We’ve seen some spicy takes in our time, and ‘Thomas Frank should be the most in-demand manager in world football’ is certainly one of them.
Ange Postecoglou quotes twisted to create Thomas Frank beef
Ange Postecoglou on Spurs was already fascinating; there really was no need to claim he said the Dane DESERVED sack.
Spurs ‘do Man United favour’ as Frank sacked but hair today remains tomorrow
Haircuts that are not happening, manager sackings that are happening. It’s been a frantic old morning in the rollercoaster world of football in big 2026.
Surely we’re all Team Man Utd v West Ham to end the haircut grift…
It’s been the greatest grift in football content history but it has to end now. It’s bigger than the World Cup, apparently.
Arsenal and Man City on ‘collision course’ amid Gary Neville conspiracy nonsense
‘How bizarre fixture quirk could see Arsenal and Man City face each other FIVE TIMES in one month’ as Gary Neville exposes a conspiracy.
Tonali ignores journalists TWICE so is leaving Newcastle after ‘unseen outburst’ at ‘female member of club staff’
Sandro Tonali ignored journalists in the mixed zone TWICE – so can only possibly be leaving Newcastle after being ‘courted by’ close friend Pep Guardiola.
Pep Guardiola makes NINE ‘hopeful’ demands as third Eddie Howe ‘sack decision’ made
Once we get past ‘isn’t it a popular footballer birthday?’, we reach some bombastic nonsense after Man City v Newcastle.
Arsenal ‘out-thought’ by Chelsea but ‘squeeze through’ before Guardiola controversy
Arsenal ‘squeezed through’ to a cup final despite being ‘out-thought’ by Chelsea, while Pep Guardiola wanting people to not die is a ‘humanitarian tirade’.
Man Utd transfers to reach 14 but one move ‘difficult to pull off’
Think Manchester United did nothing in January? Think again. But their 14th transfer might be tricky to pull off.
Cole Palmer and Carlos Baleba Man Utd transfer latest as desperation strikes
Four Man Utd deals are on the cards but none of them are for Carlos Baleba and Cole Palmer, whatever they want you to believe.
Jurgen Klopp’s Liverpool manager return sees shocking ‘true colours’ emerge
When does landing a gig as Kenny Dalglish’s ‘assistant manager’ for a Liverpool Legends game qualify as a ‘return’ worthy of ‘true colours’ being revealed?
Why big Champions League night containing zero Man United was actually all about Man United
Manchester United were not one of the six English clubs in Champions League action last night, not that you’d guess from this morning’s headlines.
Arsenal ‘boost’ but ‘heartbreak’ for Premier League rivals in Champions League ‘forecast’
Thank heavens for the supercomputer, for without its wisdom how would we ever know that winning seven Champions League games out of seven is good?
Man Utd transfer genius of Jason Wilcox clear in Sesko’s three touches
Over £70m is a small price to pay for a young striker to come off the bench and take three touches against Arsenal.
Man Utd tipped for Premier League title as ‘mad aspect’ revealed
We’re not saying that certain ‘journalists’ are getting carried away but Man Utd could be about to win the Premier League.
Paul Scholes should ‘f**king grow up’ as shock four-man Manchester United midfielder shortlist ‘revealed’
Paul Scholes will be neither apologising nor shutting up about Lisandro Martinez, while Manchester United have ‘revealed’ a four-man midfielder shortlist.
Man Utd have ‘free hit’ on Cole Palmer because of geography and stuff
Cole Palmer might be surprised to wake up to news that he ‘wants’ a transfer to Manchester United.
Arteta would be ‘absolutely bonkers’ to start Arsenal top scorer against Manchester United
Mikel Arteta would be ‘absolutely bonkers’ to make one selection call against Manchester United, while a ‘theory’ has emerged that Pep Guardiola will resign.
Lisandro Martinez given eight-word advice by old man shouting at clouds
We begin with Eberechi Eze’s rarely-seen wife but move on to Lisandro Martinez being given some advice by an old man.
Man Utd DNA ‘proved’ as club stand with ‘one foot in the past’
While the reporting around Manchester United remains like this, they are f***ed. Why can’t we just celebrate a very good win?
Gareth Southgate aims ‘sly dig’ and come-and-get-me plea to Manchester United at the same time
Gareth Southgate has aimed both a ‘sly dig’ at Manchester United and a ‘nod’ to Sir Jim Ratcliffe over his availability and willingness to work with him.
Arsenal ‘windfall’ incoming as Liverpool swap deal proposed
Arsenal are notoriously bad at selling players so a ‘windfall’ comes as marvellous news. Meanwhile, a Liverpool swap deal is proposed.
Man Utd boss Carrick handed ‘£20m transfer boost’ after dramatic ‘DAWN RAID’
There is, to nobody’s great surprise, a lot of nonsense about Michael Carrick’s first day in his new job as Manchester United interim manager.
Xabi Alonso to Man Utd ‘plan’ ON as club spots his ‘potential’
Manchester United have a ‘plan’ for Xabi Alonso that might be mostly dependent on him losing his mind.