Busy Man Utd hit new low, snub the PFA and flaunt their injuries while ‘forgotten man’ is actually forgotten
The biggest story in town as the Premier League returns and transfer window rumbles on is some Manchester United players eating some food.
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Gordon and Zubimendi to Liverpool are both somehow still on in remarkable £126.6m deal
Liverpool have a Martin Zubimendi ‘lifeline’, while three words perfectly sum up their apparent continued pursuit of Newcastle forward Anthony Gordon.
Erling Haaland ‘brutal’ and ‘raging’ after clashes with three Chelsea players
You would think that Erling Haaland would be happy after scoring for Man City but he was busy ‘raging’ and being ‘brutal’ to Chelsea.
Liverpool win title with Villa relegated as Grealish executes ambitious escape plan
Some heroically bold season predictions catch Mediawatch’s eye today, while there’s a thrilling escape involving Jack Grealish and underground tunnels.
Man Utd hit by Marcus Rashford ‘blow’ just days before Premier League return
Manchester United have been dealt a crushing Marcus Rashford blow by an AI Supercomputer ahead of the start of the new Premier League season.
Liverpool transfer chief and FSG ‘NOT to blame’ for Zubimendi failure and post-Klopp mess
Liverpool sporting director Richard Hughes and owners FSG are ‘NOT to blame’ for failing to sign Martin Zubimendi or indeed anyone. He made a pinky promise.
Liverpool never actually wanted ‘opportunist’ £51m deal as they have their ‘own Zubimendi’
Of course Liverpool never really properly wanted Martin Zubimendi. It was an ‘opportunist move’ and a ‘surprise’, plus they have their ‘own’ version anyway.
Gordon, Diaz and Guehi in surprise battle to send Liverpool, Newcastle the worst transfer message
There are transfer messages galore for Liverpool and Newcastle as Anthony Gordon, Luis Diaz and Marc Guehi have their say amid some Roy Keane ‘fury’.
Liverpool have Zubimendi ‘transfer trick’ up their sleeve in latest club invention after ‘brutal dig’
Liverpool will almost certainly break off talks with Real Sociedad after their ‘brutal dig’ over Martin Zubimendi, but they do have a ‘transfer trick’.
Liverpool have ‘secret weapon’ as Anthony Gordon transfer becomes ‘desperate’
Nobody at the Reach titles is yet ready to throw in the towel and accept the idea of Anthony Gordon joining Liverpool is dead.
Anthony Gordon, Liverpool, Newcastle and the lowest of all the low points
This might genuinely be one of the worst things we have seen; it’s Anthony Gordon with a one-word ‘clear Liverpool transfer hint’. For actual f’s sake…
Mikel Arteta has ‘only’ done three deals despite ‘clear’ and ‘subtle’ statements
Frankly, we’re embarrassed for Mikel Arteta, who has only managed to offload three Arsenal players.
Liverpool transfers ‘teased’ as Arne Slot sets ‘deadline’ despite sod all happening
Never fear Liverpool fans because they have ‘teased the Reds’ possible future summer business’ and somebody is definitely on their way.
Arsenal ‘told’ to complete ridiculous £270m double deal which will help overcome Liverpool’s ‘next Rodri’
Arsenal have been ‘told’ who would be the best partner for Viktor Gyokeres, despite him not being their player. And Liverpool already have ‘the next Rodri’
Mikel Merino had 23 minutes of Arsenal bliss before ‘spanner’ of ‘awkward chat’
Things happen quickly in transfer sagas and Arsenal now face an ‘awkward chat’ just 23 minutes after forging an agreement with Mikel Merino.
Grealish Man Utd transfer ‘rebuffed’ as City man ‘shows his true colours’ against Barca
The transfer rumour mill is swirling apparently, and has today landed upon the names Jack Grealish and Viktor Gyokeres. Enjoy.
Liverpool ‘dealt transfer blow’ as Reds window gets increasingly desperate
Liverpool’s summer has been so bone dry that the local media is happy to pretend that the Reds want Victor Osimhen even though they know it is nonsense…
Arsenal make ‘shock position change’ while Salah tells us ‘everything’ about Liverpool under Slot
Mikel Arteta is at it again with a ‘shock position change’ which will stun Arsenal fans, while Mo Salah has said everything and nothing about Liverpool.
Liverpool journalism in the gutter from the Mail as Arsenal ‘headache’ kicks in
The Mail opt for an incendiary Liverpool headline while too much is made of some potential Arsenal ins and outs.
Pre-season media: ‘Desperate Man Utd in panic over full-back crisis’ as Arsenal ‘face questions’
Manchester United are getting ‘desperate’ despite having more full-back options than last season, while we LEARN about Arsenal left-back issues.
De Bruyne SHOWDOWN and Trent ‘snubs’ an imaginary transfer to Real Madrid
When do talks become a SHOWDOWN? Kevin de Bruyne is having one or the other with Man City while Liverpool have been boosted by their own decision…
Arsenal devise brilliant ‘lucrative’ plan that could ‘potentially’ bankroll Calafiori transfer
Arsenal’s apparent plan to bankroll the transfer of Riccardo Calafiori is so mad that “rounding up £14.98 to £20” isn’t even the maddest part of it.
Manchester United ‘dream’ shirt number fight on between three theoretical signings
Dani Olmo presents his own problems but when it comes to dream shirt numbers, Man Utd have a No.4 issue…
Incredible ‘transfer trick’ Manchester United used to beat Real, Liverpool to ‘cunning’ signing revealed
Manchester United repeated an incredible ‘transfer trick’ to ‘outmanoeuvre’ both Real Madrid and Liverpool when signing Leny Yoro for a whole heap of money.
Jude Bellingham and his ‘me-me posturing’ become the latest England scapegoat
Jude Bellingham is in the firing line from the English media’s oldest columnist for posing in his pants. You’d never catch Bobby Moore doing that.
England statement offers Klopp ‘hope’ for ‘plain and simple’ top choice as Southgate successor
The media are busily Jurgen Klopp might be England’s next manager and that Sven-Goran Eriksson was as bad as Fabio Capello and Steve McClaren.
Jurgen Klopp for England? Two reasons why he might take the job…
‘He might like the hours. There’s no need to live all the time in the country.’ And that’s it apparently. It’s basically nailed on.
Snotty media hails ‘brave’ England as Harry Kane ‘show his true colours’
England were so, so brave – not ‘snowflakes’ at all. Meanwhile, Harry Kane really has revealed his true self.
Bellingham suffers sick burn in ‘brutal dig’ and England want Southgate to STAY after reaching second final
Jude Bellingham cannot hope to play in the Euro 2024 final after Dani Olmo’s ‘brutal dig’ in the emerging ‘war of words’ between finalists England and Spain.
England ‘work experience kid’ Kobbie Mainoo is no Lewis Cook, mind…
Kobbie Mainoo is getting a great deal of England hype after that win but let’s remember that he’s not Lewis Cook. Or Kalvin Phillips.
Netherlands v England takes us back 43 or 110 years; take your pick
You know it’s the day of a big England game when the English press lose their minds; a 110-year-old poster, is it?
Bellingham certain to be sent off in semi-final as UEFA ‘provoke’ England star despite Daily Mail ‘challenge’
It is weird that UEFA have appointed Felix Zwayer for England’s Euros semi-final. Stranger still is pretending that Jude Bellingham has been ‘provoked’. And I will try to fix you The…
Gareth Southgate ‘state of statis’ is weird way to ‘get behind’ England manager
The Daily Mail have made a big old deal of BACKING ENGLAND, but some are clearly being dragged kicking and screaming…