Man Utd ‘dream’ January transfer window involves 13 deals in 13 days and signing three left-backs
Manchester United are going to ram through 13 deals in the next 13 days and this is a A Very Good Thing rather than a sign of mass panic.
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Marcus Rashford ‘shock u-turn’ as Man Utd employee not on strike
The big Marcus Rashford news is that he is not refusing to play for Manchester United, who pay him £300,000 a week.
Man Utd are actually ‘worst team in the world’ if you are desperate for clicks
When the actual Man Utd manager describes his team as “the worst team maybe in the history of Manchester United” then you absolutely do not need to twist those quotes.
A reminder: ridiculous new Haaland contract is actually all about Liverpool
Erling Haaland has signed a ludicrously expensive and long-term contract at Manchester City but only one question remains: can this be all about Liverpool?
Ange Postecoglou ‘left rueing lack of VAR’? Was he balls.
‘Let down by VAR’? This was never how VAR was supposed to work and Spurs know that; the only person angry works for the Telegraph.
Man City and Guardiola: What if their struggles are because of a WOMAN? The UK press investigates
Liverpool title clashes and North London Derbies simply can’t compete with the biggest story in football: day two of Pep Guardiola Marriage discourse.
‘Is this why Manchester City are struggling?’ asks ludicrous media after Pep split
Man City boss Pep Guardiola has split with his wife so we go ‘inside’ both his flat and his marriage. Did she cripple Rodri?
Ruben Amorim repeats Sir Alex ploy as Marcus Rashford gets ‘message’
What has Ruben Amorim done now? Well he’s repeated something Sir Alex Ferguson ‘practically pioneered’ of course…
Yoro clashes with Ronaldo but different Man Utd teammate gives Rashford dreadful ‘advice’
Marcus Rashford may ignore some frankly awful Man Utd advice to make a ‘shock’ Premier League move, while Leny Yoro is busy arguing with Cristiano Ronaldo.
Man Utd transfer medical booked kerching as Rashford eyes ‘reunion’
Man Utd ‘seal first Ruben Amorim deal’ would be compelling if it were true, while we’re supposed to believe Marcus Rashford craves some Dele Alli love…
Elon Musk to tie down Liverpool Contract Three after buying club, says Elon Musk AI tool
Daily Star writers continue their journey towards oblivion with Elon Musk, while the Mirror just make up some quotes and the Sun take liberties.
Arteta playing ‘mind games’ while Man Utd get ‘hijacked’ on pretend transfer
While some members of the media pretend that Mikel Arteta has got het up, others pretend that Man Utd have £80m to spend.
Manchester United exposed as Amorim and Neville ‘speak volumes’ while £97m pair show ‘true colours’
What do Ruben Amorim, Casemiro, Lisandro Martinez, Gary Neville and a Liverpool fan have in common? They all ‘spoke volumes’ in the Manchester United draw. Raging bull There is little doubt…
Arne Slot > Sir Alex as Marcus Rashford ‘not ruling out’ actual employers
Arne Slot has basically done Sir Alex Ferguson in just one season, as Marcus Rashford is ‘open’ to fulfilling his actual Man Utd contract.
Arsenal dream of truly ‘unbelievable’ four-man transfer spree after first deal ‘sealed’
It’s January, and that means pretending Arsenal are about to sign FOUR new players to give them a ‘stunning’ starting XI by the time February rolls around.
Mo Salah ‘not happy’ after ‘huge update’ that’s not an update at all
Mo Salah provides a ‘huge update’ while Trent Alexander-Arnold is like some sort of pigeon, sending and receiving messages.
Rashford slammed for taking ‘flamethrower’ to Amorim relationship as ‘era of tough-nut footballer’ dies with Walker
Marcus Rashford saying he is open to leaving Manchester United has boggled minds. Kyle Walker being ‘the game’s last genuine hardman’ is weirder still.
Ruben Amorim and the 14 words that created Marcus Rashford ‘big, big headlines’
Ruben Amorim battled through two press conferences without criticising Marcus Rashford and then the last question did him…
BREAKING: Marcus Rashford delivers presents to school, announces intention to leave Man Utd
Fair to say there’s really only one story in town on this damp Wednesday morn. That’s right: Marcus Rashford delivered some presents to a school.
Pep Guardiola sack? Behave yourselves; this is not a Man Utd crisis
Stop the press because there’s a one-in-10 chance Pep Guardiola will be the next manager out! But the good news is that Mykhaylo Mudryk is banned.
Shock as Ruben Amorim ‘watched’ Marcus Rashford ‘GET DRESSED’
Ruben Amorim explained why he dropped Marcus Rashford and The Sun’s takeaway: He watches his players GET DRESSED.
Rasmus Hojlund goes ‘MAD’ as Man Utd boss gets ‘ruthless’ in Plzen
If you are calling that Rasmus Hojlund/Amad Diallo row a ‘furious bust-up’ then you have never lived. Meanwhile, did YOU see Ruben Amorim getting ruthless?
Man Utd NOT ‘writing off’ £80m despite Ruben Amorim ‘progress off the pitch’
Are Manchester United ‘writing off’ £80m by selling Marcus Rashford? Are they balls. Plus, Ruben Amorim has a watch…
‘Angry’, ‘fuming’ Slot fumes angrily in ‘brutal’ volume-speaking ‘four-word dig’ after Liverpool ‘win’
Arne Slot is absolutely raging after Liverpool’s 1-0 win at Girona, while there are volumes being spoken all over the shop today.
Cole Palmer makes his depressing move into football superstar celebrity official
Cole Palmer has long since revealed himself to be really quite good at football. But the Chelsea maverick is a superstar with the ‘Wag’ SEO treatment now.
‘Where’s the beef?’ Questions asked after Dan Ashworth ‘frogmarched’ out (perhaps)
Dan Ashworth was ‘frogmarched’ out of Man Utd (in retrospect, perhaps) while the Arsenal past is rewritten to suit the 2024 narrative.
Sancho (and Beckham) ‘true colours’ shown in pathetic Manchester United reporting
Jadon Sancho did not have the best relationship with Manchester United but the club should be furious on his and David Beckham’s behalf at recent headlines.
Ruben Amorim ‘verbally exploded’ in ‘vicious’ attack on one Man Utd man
Ruben Amorim ‘bellowed’ in a ‘vicious verbal explosion’ on Wednesday night at the Emirates. It obviously speaks volumes.
Arne Slot is just a lucky general at Liverpool as ‘European giants’ forced into big change by FIFA
Arne Slot is not as good a Liverpool manager as Jurgen Klopp, but not for the obvious reason , while The Sun are busy just redefining words.
Slot teaches Van Nistelrooy and Guardiola must ‘learn to accept defeat’ like Klopp and Ferguson
Ruud van Nistelrooy has a lot to learn from Liverpool manager Arne Slot, while Pep Guardiola should show ‘grace’ like Jurgen Klopp and Sir Alex Ferguson.
Pep Guardiola ‘hand gesture’ as Liverpool title prediction emerges
You will be shocked to learn that computer says Liverpool will win the Premier League, especially after Pep Guardiola’s ‘hand gesture’.
Van Nistelrooy infuriates managers, ‘bonkers’ Amorim and Slot is the next Paisley
Future Leicester manager Ruud van Nistelrooy is coming over here and taking our jobs, while it is so difficult not to see Arne Slot as the next Bob Paisley.
Ruben Amorim indulges in ‘loving’ SLAPS as Man Utd training session turns ‘bizarre’
Ruben Amorim has changed things at Manchester United; now training sessions have a touch of the old bondage…