Sadio Mane, Romelu Lukaku and Harry Kane are much-coveted but they don't half lose the ball a lot.
Batshuayi has been scrubbed off shortlists after agreeing new Marseille contract.
Think Newcastle would spend £18.3million on Lacazette? Of course not. It's nonsense.
Chelsea, Anthony Martial and Ashley Young feature high up in the Winners. Philippe Coutinho, less so.
Mane to United for £62.5m (but not really), Aubameyang to Arsenal, Ter Stegen not to Liverpool
Newcastle were the better side, but Arsenal claim victory. They're even winning ugly now.
"He has only just joined the club...give him time," says that nice man Arsene Wenger.
It's fair to say that Newcastle will not stay up with Aleksandar Mitrovic up front.
Steve McClaren does not want any wallowing in defeat after a bruising Christmas programme left Newcastle deep in trouble.
Squads from Arsenal, Chelsea, Leeds, Liverpool, Toon and United, plus plenty more in an excellent Mailbox.
"We need to improve because the end is coming," says the Newcastle skipper. "We don't have time."
He had been in an induced coma since collapsing while out jogging on December 20.
Lads, it's Tottenham, and they are really bloody good. Liverpool are also winners...until Wednesday anyway.
Ouch. Newcastle goalkeeper Karl Darlow fumbled Darren Fletcher's header on his Premier League debut.
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