Oh when the Saint…
We’re not saying the football media is totally f***ed but The Sun online’s second top story at 11am on Thursday is that Southampton striker Charlie Austin is on holiday with his wife. They have 13 pictures.
Even Charlie Austin’s mum would not want to see 13 pictures of Charlie Austin on holiday.
Conversely, MailOnline know that the only story in football this week is the Champions League final, which is why their lead story at 11am on Thursday is the Liverpool players’ arrival at the training ground.
‘Next stop, Kiev! Liverpool stars showing no signs of nerves as they prepare to fly to Kiev for Champions League final against Real’
They’re all in their cars. What would be a ‘sign of nerves’? Vomit on the steering wheel?
Liverpool signing summer latest news signing Liverpool
Story: ‘Liverpool have signed a lucrative new shirt sponsorship deal with Standard Chartered.’
Headline: ‘Liverpool make their first signing of the summer – but it comes off the pitch’
Liverpool Echo: Shameless.
Ready, set, maybe…
Obviously, it’s difficult when nothing is really happening in the world of transfers and you know that the big numbers are driven by Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal transfer news.
If you are the Daily Express website, you think ‘f*** it” and go for it anyway…
‘Transfer news LIVE updates: Man Utd medical set; Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Real Madrid.’
‘Medical set’ seems pretty certain….
‘Fred could undergo a medical at Carrington next week when he’s in the north west for Brazil’s friendly against Croatia.’
He certainly could.
Promise you a miracle
Apparently Unai Emery has made a ‘pledge’. He says ‘he can make Arsenal the best team on the planet’. It’s on the back page of The Sun so it must be true. That is quite the claim.
Except, well, he didn’t. He said that was his ‘objective’. As it should be.
Ever get the feeling that somebody is being set up for a fall?
Sign your name…
The Sun’s Dave Kidd in his evisceration of Arsenal and Ivan Gazidis: ‘Gazidis now has his own office at Arsenal’s training ground and has been known to sign autographs for supporters waiting outside.’
Can you imagine the fuss if he didn’t sign autographs when he was asked? After all, it’s not the kind of thing you force on anybody.
Damned if you do…
Do you want to know a secret?
The Daily Mirror’s John Cross writes a quite interesting piece on Arsenal’s selection of Unai Emery in which the club’s three decision-makers wrote down their choices to see if they tallied. Readers may recognise this process from, well, every informal vote they have ever made.
By the time it reaches the Daily Mirror website:
‘Revealed! How Unai Emery got the Arsenal job after an amazing SECRET ballot of their three head-hunters’.
Amazing. How did they ever come up with the idea?
Remember this from Monday?
Must say I'm disappointed. A little bit of Arsenal dies, liked the idea of a former captain in Arteta and Emery is decent but not A Lister IMO https://t.co/0X9X6dnzSX
— John Cross (@johncrossmirror) May 21, 2018
Of course you do. How could you ever forget?
‘A little bit of Arsenal dies.’
Three days on, with the realisation that he will have to form a relationship with the new man, the Daily Mirror’s John Cross has changed his mind, declaring himself ‘impressed’ with Emery.
And he does manfully address those early doubts, saying:
“I had a few reservations about it simply because there was no previous Arsenal history or connection.
“He’s a new, different European manager and at this point in time it is a departure for Arsenal Football Club; they’re entering a new era and obviously, Unai Emery has got make that new era, that new time, work.”
Is it 1996 all over again?
Mediawatch has checked and we are pretty sure that Arsene Wenger had no previous Arsenal history, and was indeed a ‘new, different European manager’ when he was appointed. And that was 22 years ago.
It does feel like a departure for Arsenal. In new stadium with new manager with no club connection. Different times for a club based upon and proud of its tradition and history.
— John Cross (@johncrossmirror) May 23, 2018
The stadium is 12 years old, fella; the only ‘departure’ is Arsene Wenger’s. Get over it.
Spot the difference
The Sun, May 4: ‘LIVERPOOL face a £10million payout to Southampton if they win the Champions League.
‘The deals for former Saints Virgil van Dijk, Sadio Mane, Dejan Lovren, Nathaniel Clyne and Adam Lallana all contain a bonus-payment clause should the Reds lift the European Cup.’
The Times, May 24: ‘Southampton will not receive any additional bonus payments should their former players help Liverpool to win the Champions League.
‘Jürgen Klopp’s XI for the final against Real Madrid is set to include Virgil van Dijk, Dejan Lovren and Sadio Mané with Nathaniel Clyne and Adam Lallana on the bench, all of whom signed from Southampton. Bonus payments negotiated in the sales of the quintet do not, however, extend to Liverpool winning the competition.’
Hmmm, who to believe?
House of cards
Writes Charles Sale in the Daily Mail, because this is a man who always addresses the big issues:
‘Card games have proved troublesome for team morale in previous England camps, when thousands of pounds have been won and lost. But so far Southgate’s squad appear content to play harmless Uno, with seemingly no betting involved.
‘Uno, which involves matching cards by number, colour or symbol, is popular in the Tottenham dressing room.
‘Former and current Spurs players Kieran Trippier and Kyle Walker were part of a five-strong Uno game, also involving John Stones, Jamie Vardy and Harry Maguire, taking place in the Starbucks coffee shop at St George’s Park last Tuesday.’
Because of course they would play cards with thousands of pounds at stake in a sodding Starbucks in full view of the English media, wouldn’t they?
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