A Football365 love letter to… Alan Green
A Love Letter To…one of radio’s most distinctive and long-serving radio commentators who has always divided the audience. Sam Allardyce and Alex Ferguson aren’t exactly big fans. That’ll be Alan Green, then.
Why the love?
He’s been in our radio football lives since 1981. That is a hell of a long time and he’s taken us through First Division titles, League Cups, FA Cups, Euros and World Cups and the whole of the Premier League era. He was even commentating with the legendary Peter Jones at Hillsborough.
Along with Mike Ingham, for decades they were 5 live’s A team, each taking half of each half – which seems slightly quaint now that it has largely been phased out. Since Mike retired, Alan has worked for Fox in USA as well as returning to 5 live. He’s not going to the World Cup because it’s in Russia and he doesn’t like Russia
To those of us who, for years and years, bemoaned the habit commentators had of dressing up rubbish as great entertainment, Greeny was always an antidote to all of that. If it was rubbish, he’d tell you it was rubbish. In fact, even if it wasn’t rubbish, he might still say it was depending on how grumpy he was feeling, how cold it was and whether the pies were any good.
It is worth remembering that football media, TV or radio, was not always as fantastic as it now is. It went through a phase in the mid-90s to mid 2000s when it was rather milky and complacent, but throughout this period Green was always acidic enough to curdle that milk and loads of listeners loved that. He was prepared to stand up against BS. Yes, this often led to accusations of being a moany, miserable sod, but sometimes that is preferable to too much happy-clappy.
Fell out with Sam Allardyce for saying Bolton played “ugly” football. And with Sir Alex Ferguson for saying he was “learning not to believe the propaganda that comes out of the Manchester United manager’s office,” after feeling the Scot had given him misinformation over team news. He said of Ferguson: “He either bullies or frightens. It’s the way he exerts his control over the media. He would be a fantastic propaganda minister. He knows how to manipulate and some of my colleagues take it in.”
His critics might say this is typical self-aggrandisement to paint himself as the truth-teller in a world of saps, but for the listener, it can make for great entertainment.
Equally, bitching and groaning about the cold, the terrible football and any number of things is seen by some as unacceptable. One source told me that “the cardinal sin as a commentator is to moan on air about the fact that you are at a match when you really don’t want to be there, the conditions you have to work in, the traffic etc.”
That’s an entirely understandable position, but I actually think some listeners like the moaning and perhaps see themselves in Greeny’s misanthropy.
He’s never taken a TV job and in 2009 he said: “Apart from one time in 1984, I’ve never applied for a television job.” He says that he told a BSkyB executive that he was too outspoken to work for Sky. They wanted him to “always accentuate the positive,” but Greeny told him that his role as a commentator was “to tell the truth, not to act as a propagandist”, which does sound a typically arsy Greeny sort of thing to come out with.
He has done a few MOTD gigs but by and large it is all radio for him. This must mean he’s almost unknown to those weirdos who never listen to the radio. How odd.
Superhero skills
Like all long-serving comms his commentaries have come to define certain games, such as this absolutely thrilling 38 seconds.
Or this ‘C’mon Didier!’ from 3.07:
One of the few people in the modern world to still regularly use the word “tosh” – or more often “absolute tosh” with plenty of emphasis on the ‘sh’ The Belfast accent does rather naturally lend itself to withering contempt or bitter cynicism.
Oft forgotten now but he did 606 and didn’t stand any nonsense from callers, which was amusing for a while. But it’s easy to feel very dispirited during phone-ins when the quality of the calls is rock bottom and maybe it was ultimately all too negative.
Fans love his disgust at diving and his fearless criticism of anyone who does it, as well as his evisceration of referees when he thinks they’re wrong. He is acerbic, withering and cynical about players, referees and managers for all manner of reasons. He was on duty for the Everton v Newcastle game on Monday which was 90 minutes of utter dreck. Greeny called it right it saying was “terrible” and “awful” but he was on comms for Liverpool v Roma and was going ballistic with excitement, totally absorbed in the action. How could anyone not be?
A month or so ago he was doing a game with Dion Dublin on co-comms and it was a real joke-a-thon with each cracking the other up. It was a total contrast to his normal demeanour and perhaps indicated that when teamed with the right personality he can still be provoked into more expansive and cheerful work.
There is no doubt that he is a judgemental commentator. Calls it as he sees it, right or wrong. And that has to be why he’s had his contract renewed for 37 years. He is incredibly distinctive; not for a moment could you mistake him for anyone else, his Belfast accent ensures that.
Style guru?
One of those humans who appear to have an entirely spherical head. Garth Crooks is another in football about whom this can be said. That apart I can find little or no evidence of Greeny’s style or lack thereof. For all I know he might wear nothing but a tarpaulin and a balaclava. But that’s how it should be for a radio commentator.
What the people say
I don’t think the man himself would mind me saying that he is a somewhat divisive figure both inside and outside the business. I suspect he puts this down to a ‘take no BS’ attitude rubbing some people up the wrong way. But Greeny does have a lot of very supportive listeners who have walked their football life down the same road as him and, on so many occasions, who grew up with him. Because radio is such a private, intimate medium, it is not surprising that his voice is a fond bookmark in so many lives.
I’m starting with a comment that Mark Saggers sent to me. Their falling out is well-documented but even so, he says this:
“Alan Green and I have had our moments, but sitting alongside him over many years, he was the best in the comms box at calling it in the penalty box. Greenie says what he sees, with a turn of phrase fitting for that very moment. No lines written down, just pure class.”
And that is also pure class from Saggs, don’t you think? Anyway…
‘Always enjoy the way he commentates on red cards with a gravitas that seems to equate the sending off to a grim death. Grew up listening when I couldn’t get Sky and just brilliant at describing what’s happening with a tone that conveys the match situation perfectly.’
‘Part of my favourite commentary team: Green, Ingham and Armfield. Passion, knowledge, honesty, but mainly love of football. As you have said, we are in a golden age of commentary, but I wish I could hear them one more time.’
‘As a kid, either on the way to training for Champions League/midweek games or sitting in bed listening to the end when not allowed to stay up. His disgust at bad games coming across on air always been brilliant.’
‘A voice made for coruscating ire on the medium wave. Exasperated Alan plus Despairing Waddle is radio gold.’
‘Always thought he sounds great on the radio. One of the best, not sure why that might be controversial. Tells it how it is I suppose. The excitement of the match comes across instantly when you switch on and it’s him shouting at you.’
‘One of the best, and most original voices on radio.’
‘Always have fond memories of him. I was never allowed to stay up and watch football as a kid, so I used to listen to the games on the radio on my Walkman in bed.’
‘My all time favourite commentator, not afraid to say it as he sees it. When he worked alongside Mike Ingham and Jimmy Armfield they were the dream team. He cares about the game and where it is heading. So many commentary highlights already mentioned but I would add the Ryder Cup.’
‘An iconic voice, for me in the times of listening to the radio pre- mobile internet and Sky. Yet I largely remember him for his disdain in calling players/managers “a disgrace” when commentating. That and shouting “and INTO THE NET!”‘
‘Rarely got to watch TV games in my youth so his excited, absorbing energy was pivotal in me falling in love with the game beyond my own club. These days, he feels like a cynical, disenchanted kindred spirit – may he bless our airways for years to come.’
‘His commentary to the David Healy goal for NI against England was my ringtone for years.’
‘I know the cliché is see him now as a grumpy malcontent, but I always enjoyed the fact that he was probably one of the first commentators to call an awful game, an awful game. There are still folk who won’t/can’t.’
‘Away from football his commentary of Steve Redgrave winning his 5th gold at the Sydney Olympics is spine tinglingly good.’
‘I just think he’s dead good.’
‘One of few commentators capable of genuinely expressing disgust and elation in the same breath. He commentates like I would. If I could.’
‘I can understand that he’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I’ve shouted at the radio frequently when he’s been on the mic but when I would pretend to be a commentator I would pretend to be him. His voice links me back to Peter Jones and my childhood and for that I thank him.’
Future days
Now 65, for all I know Alan might be preparing to hang up his mic for good. He’s certainly put in a long shift, but he’s still delivering the goods on 5 live. Although it has to be said that he’s developed an odd habit of frequently saying “goodness gracious” when anything dramatic happens. It seems to have become embedded as a kind of tic, though I sensed he was trying to reign it in on Tuesday night at Anfield.
He continues to give good value for listeners but 5 live’s commentary team is stellar and has absolutely no weak links. By some measure he’s the oldest on the station and there is always value in age if it comes with wisdom and perspective. But given he’s boycotted the World Cup due it being in Russia and 5 live will do a brilliant job even without him, maybe he’s given the powers that be a decision to make over his future in UK broadcasting. With Jimmy Armfield gone and Mike Ingham retired, it feels like that era is almost over. As he apparently has a gaff in San Diego, maybe the Fox Soccer gig holds an understandable longer term attraction at this point. And swapping the sleet of a Tuesday night at West Brom for 70 degrees year round would be very tempting, I’m sure. When he does go off our airwaves it will very much be an end of an era and many will miss him, even if some will not.
John Nicholson