The problem with the internet is that nothing is a SHOCK anymore…unless you work for a tabloid newspaper and it’s 1996.
Well done to Neil Custis on bagging the exclusive for The Sun that ‘MANCHESTER UNITED are closing in on their FIRST signing of the summer with Antony on his way from Ajax in a £40million move’.
The FIRST is funny. It’s June 21, guys.
Pesky fact: Manchester United are one of nine Premier League sides yet to make a senior signing this summer.
But what’s funnier is the ‘MAN UTD NEW SIGNING SHOCK’ claim.
Tomorrow’s @SunSport back page:
— Sun Sport (@SunSport) June 20, 2022
Here are just a selection of headlines on The Sun website over the last eight days:
‘Ajax star Antony meets with agent and entourage in Amsterdam after Man Utd ‘launch £38m transfer bid’’ – June 14.
‘Man Utd ‘make £38.4m Antony transfer bid as Erik ten Hag looks to raid old club Ajax for Brazilian winger’’ – June 13.
‘Frenkie de Jong and Antony are ‘definite arrivals’ at Man Utd as Erik ten Hag makes double transfer swoop for old stars’ – June 13.
It’s come straight out of left field, alright.
The Bug story
Neil Custis might have expected to log onto his newspaper’s website on Tuesday morning to see his transfer exclusive atop the football homepage. But he was usurped by this ‘football’ news:
‘Cristiano Ronaldo’s £1.7m Bugatti involved in crash in Majorca as police launch investigation after supercar hits wall’
Not driven by Ronaldo. Not containing Ronaldo. Just owned by Ronaldo.
So ‘footballer’s car is crashed by another person who was unhurt’.
Thanks. For. That.
Killing me softly
‘So hang on, the CEO of Manchester United agrees to sit down at the pub and engage with frustrated fans, they betray his trust and he’s the problem?’ – Darren Lewis, Daily Mirror, June 20.
Apparently so, Darren.
‘RICHARD ARNOLD’S decision to meet Manchester United fans down at the pub is amateur hour’ – Stan Collymore, Daily Mirror, June 21.
As usual, Stan is living some time in the mid-90s, when Manchester United were untouchable in the transfer market, because he believes this will put off players. Not finishing sixth, literally 35 points behind the champions and being the place where promising careers go to die, but this.
‘At the end of the week in which United had missed out on Darwin Nunez to their biggest rivals and we’re hearing that Erik ten Hag isn’t getting everyone he wants, that they are no longer the first port of call for the best players in the word, it was pretty much the last thing they needed.’
They didn’t ‘miss out on Darwin Nunez to their biggest rivals’; they were never going to sign Nunez from the minute that Liverpool showed any interest because Liverpool are not operating on the same planet. And the idea that this is the week that we learned that United ‘are no longer the first port of call for the best players in the world’ is ludicrous. They have literally never been the first port of call for the best players in the world but have barely been in touching distance of the fifth or sixth port since the exit of Sir Alex Ferguson.
‘It makes the club worse, not better, and it doesn’t make Arnold look like a good leader. If I was a player considering going to United this summer, it’d be making me think twice and let’s say I had the choice of United, Liverpool and Manchester City, I’d speak to United as a courtesy because of the size of the club.’
Let’s say you had the choice between United, Liverpool and Manchester City in 2022; you would be a fool to choose United and that’s not about Richard Arnold having a pint in a pub. They finished sixth, they are in the Europa League and they are years off a title challenge.
It is not 1996. Which is a shame because 1996 was mint.
Hit the road, Jack
‘If City bring someone else in and decide to biff Jack off, I just don’t want him to be the circus I was, where you go from club to club to club looking to be happy, you then go to Bradford who are struggling, then to Spain to try to rescue your career, and before you know it you’re done and dusted at 31’ – Stan Collymore on Jack Grealish.
Let that be a warning.
Don’t wanna be a Brazilian idiot
Back to Antony (shock) and this is the Daily Star website‘s take:
‘Man Utd-bound Anthony ‘behaved like an idiot’ to ruin Liverpool transfer hopes’
Or alternatively, former Dutch international Rene van der Gijp said that a fictitious scout from Manchester City or Liverpool would have been put off if they had seen him behave immaturely and pick up a needless red card.
But f*** the facts because BINGO, you got Man Utd and Liverpool in the same headline. Bonus for you, young man.
The Manchester Evening News are here with the inside track…
‘Manchester United stance on Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford futures in transfer window’
It turns out that ‘Manchester United are braced for the prospect of Anthony Martial still being at the club next season due to the lack of offers for the forward’.
Is he under contract at Manchester United? Yes.
Has he just scored one goal in 12 games for Sevilla on loan? Also yes.
We probably didn’t need the update.
Oh and in case you were wondering, ‘figures at United are more optimistic about Marcus Rashford’s resurgence and sources close to the player insist he is “raring to go” ahead of the new season’.
Oh how we wish we were in touch with ‘figures’. And ‘sources’. And ‘unicorns’.