Arsenal ‘blow’ as Newcastle do not want to sell best player SHOCK!

You will be shocked and stunned to discover that Newcastle are not going to sell Alexander Isak to Arsenal on the cheap.

Sack race to the bottom
Obviously we are not immune to jumping on the Ruben Amorim sack bandwagon (it’s lined with gold), but this is shameless from the Manchester Evening News:

‘Manchester United to add to £60m sacking spree today as expensive mistakes to be revealed’

The story is illustrated with an image of Ruben Amorim, just in case you were in any doubt what they were trying to achieve with that headline.

So what’s the story if it’s not that they are about to sack Amorim?

‘Manchester United are set to release their financial figures for the final three months of 2024 today and the latest accounts are likely to include the settlement for sacking Erik ten Hag and his staff and appointing Ruben Amorim as his replacement.’

So they are not ‘adding to £60m sacking spree’ at all, but merely releasing their accounts which happen to include a sacking, as they quite often do at Manchester United.

Alexander the Great Deal of Nonsense
‘ARSENAL have been dealt a blow in their hopes of making Alexander Isak their new No9,’ reads The Sun‘s very top (and apparently ‘exclusive’) story on Wednesday morning.

‘Newcastle have no desire to sell the star and instead want to build a team around him.’

This has shocked Mediawatch to its very core, as we thought Newcastle would be bang up for selling their 17-goal Premier League striker. They ‘have no desire to sell’ him? F***ing hell, you’ll be telling us next that Arsenal have ‘no desire’ to sell Bukayo Saka.

‘And it would take nearly DOUBLE the reported £82.9million fee for them to even respond to any potential bids.’

We’ll stop you there guys; who the f*** thought that Isak was available for just £82.9m? Some investigation brings up Sport, because of course a Spanish newspaper would have the inside track on what an English club wants for a Swedish player that cost them £63m less than three years ago and has undoubtedly improved since.

And you know who absolutely did not think Newcastle would sell Isak for £82.9m? The Sun, that’s who…

‘Newcastle will demand more than £150MILLION for Alexander Isak as Arsenal face transfer battle with Liverpool’ – The Sun, December 2024.

‘Arsenal urged to ‘break the bank’ for £150m Alexander Isak by club legend who says he’d be better signing than Haaland’ – The Sun, January 2.

‘Man Utd tipped to sign £150m Aleksander Isak by club legend who insists Newcastle ace ‘would consider’ transfer’ – The Sun, January 8.

So two months after telling us Newcastle ‘will demand more than £150MILLION’ for Isak, they are claiming an ‘exclusive’ that they want nearly ‘DOUBLE’ £82.9m.

Make it make sense.

Not for sale
The back page of the Daily Mail is given over to their own ‘exclusive’ claim that ‘Newcastle will not allow their best players to leave if they miss out on the Champions League this season’.

No sh*t. What’s the alternative headline? That Newcastle are itching to sell their best players as soon as they fall short?

It’s such a weird non-story; like every other football club, Newcastle will sell their best players if somebody offers a shedload of money but will keep them otherwise. Next.

Obi Nwan Kenobi
But Arsenal could lose youngster Ethan Nwaneri to Manchester City. Or at least that’s what football.london want you to believe with their bombastic headline:

Ethan Nwaneri Arsenal to Man City transfer twist as £33m chance emerges

The media-savvy among you will have already spotted the ‘as’; so we already know that the ‘£33m chance’ has f*** all to do with Nwaneri.

So what’s the ‘transfer twist’?

‘Manchester City tried to sign Arsenal talent Ethan Nwaneri in 2023, according to Fabrizio Romano.’

Oh. Two years ago. And it was reported at the time. So not even news.

Still, you got your Arsenal clicks on a ‘free midweek with no football’.

Nonsensical headline of the day
‘Arsenal could sign £55m player by not even telling his club but Newcastle keep ‘calling’ to beat them to move’ – TBR.

No they couldn’t. Stop being weird.

Visa vis
How to make a Schengen visa flying visit to Greece sound really, really sensational on MailOnline:

‘Man City star arrives at team hotel less than 24 hours before crucial Real Madrid clash – as Pep Guardiola’s side battle to stay in the Champions League’

Also, just how many hours before a game in which a man is going to be on the bench is the optimal time to arrive at a hotel? When does ‘just hours’ become, well, just ‘hours’?

Missing men
Meanwhile in the Liverpool Echo, they tell us that ‘ten players could be missing from Liverpool Premier League clash at Aston Villa’, sparking obvious fears among Reds fans.

On closer inspection, it turns out that the Reds will be missing three players – including Tyler Morton of zero Premier League minutes this season fame – and ‘Villa, meanwhile, are in the midst of an injury crisis with seven players in danger of missing the game against Liverpool’.

Because that’s exactly what they were inferring in that headline, right?