Arsenal WILL give guard of honour as ‘nothing stopping’ Trent Liverpool return

The Daily Mail can exclusively reveal that Arsenal will probably do that thing that everybody does, while Trent is on his way back to Liverpool. Ish.

Changing of the guard
We genuinely thought the ‘guard of honour’ discourse was over but the Mail are here with an EXCLUSIVE:

‘Arsenal WILL give champions Liverpool guard of honour ahead of Anfield clash after Reds romped to title over Gunners’

Wait a minute, so Arsenal WILL do that thing that every Premier League club does when they face the newly crowned champions? They WILL do that thing that, although not bound by law, has become the absolute norm?

And you know this exclusively?

Actually, on closer inspection, Mike Keegan does not even know this as he writes:

‘Arsenal are expected to give Liverpool a guard of honour at Anfield this weekend.’

Well yes. We all sodding know that. How the f*** did this become an ‘exclusive’?

‘Mail Sport understands that Gunners are highly likely to follow Chelsea’s lead and honour Arne Slot’s champions as they take to the field.’

We all ‘understand’ that; they’d look like massive dicks if they refused.

‘The mark of respect has triggered debate with some branding it humiliating. Ex-Watford striker Troy Deeney added that it was ‘a load of old b*****ks’.

‘However, it is thought that Mikel Arteta’s men, who at one point were the only side that could stop Liverpool’s title charge, will gather in two lines to applaud their rivals onto the pitch.’

Yep. That’s a guard of honour.

Rover’s return
Over at the Liverpool Echo, they want to wring every last click out of Trent Alexander-Arnold so…

‘When Trent Alexander-Arnold could return to Liverpool after controversial UEFA change’

Is it, and this is just a guess, when Real Madrid next play Liverpool? Yes, yes it is.

And how exactly is that connected to a ‘controversial UEFA change’?

‘Both sides were seeded in pot one last summer and while that would have previously kept them apart until the knock-out stages, teams face two sides from each of the four pots in the new format.

‘Consequently, there is nothing stopping Liverpool from being drawn against Real Madrid again – either at Anfield or the Bernabeu – in next season’s league phase.’

And that, ladies and gentlemen, tells us ‘when Trent Alexander-Arnold could return to Liverpool’. Of course it does.

Citizen Kane
Little amuses Mediawatch more the po-faced defence of Harry Kane from old-school journalists who do not understand 2025.

To them, it seems utterly unbelievable that anybody could laugh for even a second at England’s greatest ever goalscorer (though he is yet to score a proper England goal), failing to see that a brilliant player failing to win a single trophy into his 30s is objectively funny.

Nobody laughs because they think he is sh*t, guys; they laugh because it’s funny.

But Martin Lipton of The Sun is not a man to be amused:

‘THE fact that Bayern Munich chose to make Harry Kane official poster boy of their newest Bundesliga triumph should represent the moment the sniggering stops.’

Well the sniggering stops because he has won a trophy, Martin. That was the joke and now the joke is over.

‘And with that first trophy finally tucked away, the absence of which saw Kane unforgivably mocked by many who would dream of a fraction of his talent, it is time for the striker to be widely celebrated as a brilliant ambassador for English football.’

‘Unforgivably mocked’? Welcome to the 21st Century when everybody is mocked and nobody cares whether they are forgiven. Oh and sorry but nobody is ‘widely celebrated as a brilliant ambassador for English football’. It’s not 1953.

‘When Kevin Keegan left Liverpool for Hamburg, he was praised for his bravery and ambition.’

Newsflash: Things have changed since 1977.

Also, Keegan was not ‘praised for his bravery and ambition’; he was criticised for his greed in taking massive wages offered by the highest/only bidder.

‘Yet with Kane’s move to Munich, there seemed more scorn and derision, especially when they blew up under the pressure of Bayer Leverkusen’s relentless run last term.’

Yes because it was funny. Keep up, fella. When a man makes a transfer to win guaranteed trophies and does not win trophies, that is clearly funny. Not sure how else to explain the concept of humour.

‘It was as if it was Kane’s fault that Tottenham fell short, when the truth was he was the reason they got so close.

‘That he was a living, walking “curse”, an albatross round the neck of every team he played for. Utter bilge, of course.’

Imagine being so angry about a joke. Imagine having so little understanding of modern football culture.

Nobody outside of a few cretins thought that Tottenham’s trophy drought was the fault of Kane, and nor did they think Bayern’s failure last season was the fault of Kane. And you really should never listen to the cretins.

‘And when England stuttered and stumbled their way through Euro 2024, guess who got the blame?’

Gareth Southgate, largely.

‘Those voices have been silenced now. Thomas Tuchel could not have been firmer in signalling his faith in the man he signed for Bayern, while Kane has been Munich’s stand-out player once more.’

Honestly we have not heard a single sensible person suggest that an in-form Kane should not start for England. The problem at Euro 2024 was that he was not in form. Not even close.

‘Now he has the medal to prove he is a winner. It might open the floodgates – for club and country.

‘One more year in Germany, another title, then lead England to World Cup glory, before plenty of suitors back home will be ready for a guaranteed source of goals.’

‘Then lead England to World Cup glory.’ Just like that. And you think it’s those having a snigger at Kane’s expense who are the ones spouting ‘utter bilge’.

Spain and France – who also have a few players who have ‘proved they are winners’ – might want a word.

We don’t talk about Bruno
‘Manchester United transfer stance on Bruno Fernandes as Saudi Arabia comes calling’ screams the top story on Mirror football.

Let’s take a punt: Are Manchester United somewhat reluctant to sell their best player and captain?

Bingo How the f*** did we guess?