18 – Denilson (£3.4m, from Sao Paulo in 2006)
Arsenal have actually bought one 16-year-old (Theo Walcott) and two players aged 17 (Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Aaron Ramsey) for more than the non-world-record signing Brazilian midfielder Denilson.
19 – Calum Chambers (£16m, from Southampton in 2014)
The 24-year-old is still clinging to a place in Arsenal’s top ten most expensive signings. Will there be another Unai Emery U-turn this season?
20 – Jose Antonio Reyes (£10.5m rising to £17.5m, from Sevilla in 2004)
An invincible Premier League title, an FA Cup and a Champions League runners-up medal was not a bad haul at all in 110 games.
21 – Thierry Henry (£11m, from Juventus in 1999)
He was alright.
22 – Lucas Torreira (£26m, from Sampdoria in 2018)
The previous incumbent was one Nwankwo Kanu, signed from Serie A after impressing at the World Cup. He stayed for five years before joining West Brom; Lucas Torreira seems a little more likely to return to Italy after a season or two.
23 – Granit Xhaka (£35m, from Borussia Monchengladbach in 2016)
Do his parents still give him the house key instead of his older brother?
24 – Mesut Ozil (£42.4m, from Real Madrid in 2013)
A correction: Mesut f***ing Ozil. The German arrived to a little more fanfare than previous incumbent Alexander Hleb.
25 – Alexis Sanchez (£31.5m, from Barcelona in 2014)
Arsenal had it bloody good not long ago, didn’t they? Good lord, it’s all gone wrong since.
26 – Alexandre Lacazette (£46.5m, from Lyon in 2017)
The Gunners have a thing for signing 26-year-old French international strikers in record deals. Sylvain Wiltord reigned supreme for 17 years until Alexandre the great came along.
27 – Lucas Perez (£17.1m, from Deportivo La Coruna in 2016)
If Arsene Wenger ever does return to management, can we please just be a little more careful about the financial control exerts?
28 – Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (£55.4m, from Borussia Dortmund in 2018)
His last signing was not too shabby, mind. Be a shame when he listens to the little boy within Robin van Persie.
29 – Mikel Arteta (£10m, from Everton in 2011)
He quite impressively looked the same age then as he did ten years before and eight later. The Newcastle job ought to change that.
30 – Sokratis (£17.7m, from Borussia Dortmund in 2018)
Arsenal have signed just two players aged 30 or over for £5m or more. Sokratis won’t be swanning off to his old club anytime soon like £10m 33-year-old Petr Cech.
31 – Davor Suker (£3.5m, from Real Madrid in 1999)
Only three players have won the World Cup Golden Boot and played football in England. And Davor Suker was just living Harry Kane and Gary Lineker’s boyhood dreams at Arsenal.
32 – Pat Jennings (£45,000, from Tottenham in 1977)
After 13 years with Tottenham, Pat Jennings was winding down a hugely successful career. Making 327 appearances, reaching three successive FA Cup finals and a Cup Winner’s Cup final in four years and becoming the first player in English football to make 1,000 senior appearances is a weird way of putting your feet up. Bloody goalkeepers.