Arsenal v West Brom
The Gunners have taken one point from a possible nine while The Baggies beat the new Premier League champions last time out. I had an outrageous sum on Chelsea in that game so you can imagine how I reacted when señor Fabregas decided to ping the ball off the back of that mush’s napper from 20 yards? I mean what the f*ck was he thinking? Hand on heart I like Arsenal minus a goal on the handicaps here at a very palatable even money.
Betting: Arsenal (-1) to win at evens (Bet Bright)
Aston Villa v Burnley
This has the potential to be a stinkfest. Villa clearly already have one eye on the forthcoming FA Cup final and if their display against Southampton is anything to go by, don’t be expecting too many of their stars to put their bodies on the line here. Burnley just can’t score and you have to go back to March to find the last time a game involving them produced more than one goal. Ergo you will be quite within your rights to back ‘Under 2.5’ this weekend at a shade under evens then head home, kick back and listen to some Jethro Tull.
Betting: Under 2.5 goals at 10/11 (Bet Victor)
Chelsea v Sunderland
Nothing to see here folks. Chelsea wrapped up the league ages ago while Sunderland had safety confirmed with a battling point against Arsenal in the week. Dick Advocaat had a little cry after that one and The Little General might yet stay on Wearside if he gets assurances about The Black Cats strengthening their squad. I don’t envisage either team trying to park the bus and reckon we might see a few goals at the Bridge as well as some obligatory badge-kissing nonsense from John Terry.
Betting: Over 3.5 goals at 17/10 (Bet Victor)
Crystal Palace v Swansea
Absolute rascal behaviour from Palace at Anfield last weekend. They went to Liverpool off the back of four straight defeats then turn The Reds over and totally ruin Stevie G’s last ever home game. In Merson-speak, these f*ckers are the proverbial ‘bag of Revels’. Draw.
Betting: Draw at 13/5 (Bet Victor)
Everton v Tottenham
Conspiracy theorists may have Everton winning this by virtue of the fact Spurs won’t want to play in the Europa League next term. Obviously it may still hinge on what transpires in the FA Cup final, but I honestly don’t think Spurs will want the distraction of Europe’s B event next term as the competition has become something of a poisoned chalice for some sides. If the same Everton who beat ManYoo 3-0 turn up, and not the shower of sh*te who lost 2-0 at Goodison to Sunderland, you have to fancy the home win.
Betting: Everton to win at 7/5 (Hills/Paddy Power)
Hull City v Manchester United
Anything less than a win here and Hull fans will be en route to such tropical paradises as Milton Keynes and Charlton next season. They’ve lost their last three though and if I had a fiver for every time I’ve seen a frankly bewildered Stevie Bruce puff out his cheeks and try to make sense of yet another inept Tigers display in post-match interviews I would be a good few quid up this season. Given The Red Devils have nothing much to play for, I can honestly see a scenario where Hull pinch this though (they beat Liverpool at home the other week after all). Hopefully Louis Van Gaal will have sobered up enough from United’s end-of-season awards do to take his place in the opposition dug-out. The big Dutchman was delightfully pickled the other night with my favourite quote from his eight-minute (often incoherent) speech being, “I have seen a lady who plays the saxophone fantastically. Give her a big applause.” What the f*ck?
Betting: Hull to win 2-1 at 11/1 (Betfred)
Leicester v QPR
It’s been a while since this column took down a really juicy play. Older readers will remember me nailing a 150/1 shot involving Blackpool and Bolton back in the day around this time of year and this weekend I am particularly sweet on Leicester drubbing QPR. The Foxes have been strong (like bull) over the past few weeks while Rangers have shown a complete lack of class. I’m imploring everyone to back the hosts to win 5-1 here. Put simply, if you don’t back this, and it comes in, you deserve a peasant’s death.
Betting: Leicester to win 5-1 at 50/1 (Sky Bet)
Manchester City v Southampton
The Citizens have won five in a row and in Sergio Aguero have the Premier League’s top scorer, so they look about right at 4/7 to win here. They still don’t look overly convincing at the back though, so the bet is here for City to win with both teams enjoying success in and around the auld onion bag.
Betting: Manchester City to win & Both Teams to Score at 7/4 (Coral/Ladbrokes)
Newcastle v West Ham
The story emerging this week about Steve Stone opening a door and John Carver imploring his players to walk through it “if they didn’t fancy it” was truly Partridge-esque. Carver proudly then qualified the story by saying “not one player got up and left”. What did you expect, John? Fabricio Coloccini to shuffle past muttering something about having some work done on his perm? Or Tim Krul to stroll out saying he’s actually been invited to a BBQ in Byker this weekend? Get a grip man! It’s sh*t or bust on Tyneside and oh how Sam Allardyce would love to go up there on Sunday and condemn his former employers to Championship football next season. West Ham will be up for this 100%. Big Sam will make sure of it and I don’t think The Mags have the squad or the belief to justify current odds on quotes. A draw and them relying on a favour from Man Utd is the more likely scenario.
Betting: Draw at 31/10 (Bet Victor)
Stoke v Liverpool
I fancy Stoke here big time. Liverpool looked awful against Palace and it’s going to be fascinating to see what goes on a Anfield this summer. Raheem Sterling is as short as 4/9 in places to leave the club and if he goes, how will Brendan Rodgers invest the inevitable cash windfall? He got it terribly wrong last year in the transfer market and fans may not stand for it if he brings in more dead wood. That’s for the future though. For the here and now I simply can’t believe Stoke are better than 5/2 for the win this weekend. Absolute madness from the Camel Coats!
Betting: Stoke to win at 13/5 (Sporting Bet)