Crystal Palace v Brighton
Brighton have been murder away from the Amex this season and Palace look an absolute penalty-kick here. They have punched out some superb results in recent weeks so I’m thinking that backing them to cover a goal handicap should just about do the trick. I’m also thinking purgatory is just looking for a decent spot in the park to drink your cans. For the rest of time.
Betting: Crystal Palace (-1) to win at 47/20 (888 Sport)
Cardiff City v West Ham
The Bluebirds have lost two massive home games in quick succession and their confidence might well be on the floor. West Ham are often not the best travellers but look a punt here surely at 7/2 in the old ‘BTTS – Win’ market?
Betting: West Ham to win and both teams to score at 7/2 (Betfair)
Huddersfield Town v Bournemouth
After last season’s heroics it’s mad to think how shit Huddersfield have been this season. They’ve literally scored three times in their last 11 matches. That’s embarrassing. As embarrassing as dropping a wet fart in your nana’s company while she’s trying to watch Emmerdale.
Betting: Bournemouth to win to nil at 13/5 (bet365)
Leicester City v Fulham
Trying to force square pegs into round holes ultimately did for Claudio Ranieri but they still look chaotic at the back and have collected just two away points all season. Look for Leicester – and big Vards in particular – to cash in.
Betting: Jamie Vardy to score 2+ goals at 5/1 (bet365)
Newcastle United v Everton
The Toffees have won four of their last five meetings against the Magpies and have looked very solid at the back in recent weeks. But let’s have it right these two are anything but consistent. Instead let me give you my best bet for day one of Cheltenham next week. Glen Forsa for the Arkle Chase. He’s going to f**king jump them silly.
Betting: Glen Forsa to win the Arkle at 4/1 (888 Sport)
Southampton v Tottenham
Apologies to anyone who backed Spurs in the north London derby on my say-so last week. Them’s the vagaries I’m afraid. Mauricio Pochettino copped a £10k fine and a two-match touchline ban for kicking off with Mike Dean the other week so won’t be on the bench against his old club this weekend. I have always wondered what the FA spend the fine money on? Like does it go towards some new 4G pitches in Grimsby? Or do they go up the west end and get absolutely trolleyed on jager-bombs?
Betting: Half-time correct score 1-1 at 6/1 (Betfair)
Manchester City v Watford
City should win this but Watford are no mugs so 1/7 about a home win looks a jarg price. Leroy Sane could return for them on the wing and what a player he is. Power. Poise. And it doesn’t hurt that he looks like a bit of a sesh gremlin.
Betting: Sane to score first at 5/1 (bet365)
Liverpool v Burnley
Home win surely? The Reds have kept five consecutive clean sheets and, while they have struggled for goals at the other end in recent weeks, Virgil van Dijk has been a straight-up colossus. I remember literally lol-ing when I heard what Liverpool were paying Southampton for him. Well who’s laughing now Degs? You big doyle. The big Dutchman looks a serious contender for Player of the Year as things stand.
Betting: Mo Salah to score anytime and Liverpool to win 3-0 at 8/1 (888 Sport)
Chelsea v Wolves
After a 2-1 win in December Wolves are out to complete a top-flight double over Chelsea for the first time in 40 years. A time of Space Hoppers, Tony Hart and Morph, and penny sweets actually costing a penny. They are 6/1 to pull of a shock. And while they’ve got Raul Jimenez and Diogo Jota playing for them they’ll always have a shout. Remember, real heroes don’t wear capes. There’s been loads of stuff on TV recently but what about my pal El Sugarman? Who once did a full 11-hour shift on the cables while still drunk after going to an Oasis concert in Whitley Bay. Where’s his f**king documentary?
Betting: Wolves to win at 6/1 (bet365)
Arsenal v Manchester United
Whatever else happens this season, United fans will always have Paris. Wednesday’s 3-1 win over PSG was just audacious. The footage emerging afterwards of Eric Cantona beaming in the stands (he really was like a boy) in questionable garms and Steve McManaman clearly seething on co-comms duty just added to the sense of occasion. It really was a moment. Put simply, you just cannot write this United side off.
The Gunners may have won their last eight matches at the Emirates but they lost 3-1 to the Red Devils in the FA Cup back in January and 2/1 looks plenty about Ole’s mob winning again. They’ve collected 32 points from a possible 36 since Solskjaer took over. Whammy.
Betting: Manchester United to win at 2/1 (bet365)