Bayern beat Spurs and Chelsea to ‘new Harry Kane’

Dave Tickner
Jann-Fiete Arp

We’re huge fans of a good dubbing, so it’s hugely exciting to see that Bayern Munich are set to sign “the new Harry Kane” in a cut-price deal from Hamburg.

Tottenham – and Chelsea, and Arsenal – were obviously also interested in the new Kane, with the old one now yesterday’s news at 24, but appear to have lost out.

The new Kane is also known as 18-year-old Hamburg striker Jann-Fiete Arp, who scored a couple of goals last season as the Bundesliga perennials finally suffered a relegation that had been looking inevitable for a few years now.

And with his contract up in a year’s time, Bayern could fork out as little as £1.5m for the promising youngster, who nevertheless will have to defy history which shows that any player dubbed “the new anything” has never been anything other than a massive, massive flop.