BBC dominate John Nicholson’s list of 10 best football commentators

We all know how much Johnny loves Clive Tyldesley, but not as much as he loves listening to 5 Live…

10) Ian Darke (TNT Sports)
Was one of Sky Sports’ original Big Four alongside Martin Tyler, Alan Parry and Rob Hawthorne, but has long been the voice of the other side. Some feel his work is a bit Premier League and toadies to their propaganda but respect is due for his longevity and distinctive style.

9) Guy Mowbray (BBC)
It’s a tough job being an MOTD commentator; everyone thinks you’re biased. Mowbray has been doing the gig for some time and remains one of the few distinctive voices working today. His flat Yorkshire tones work well when conveying how unimpressed he is by something. And we all need that in our lives.

8) Peter Drury (Sky Sports)
Has won the FSA commentator of the year a couple of years running and has been brave enough to develop his own poetic style. The contrived nature of his work annoys some, but he remains a unique broadcaster.

7) Jon Champion (ITV)
Cut his teeth a long time ago on 5 Live. Now to be found on ITV playing Abbot to Coisty’s Costello, and that partnership has also been given a platform on Amazon Prime. Was always good and manages to combine warmth with stats.

6) Jonno Pearce (BBC)
He divides opinion. However, he is easily the funniest man on TV or radio, trading as he does on his age and experience and physique. He does it all in such a droll style. Has consigned the old attack dog yelling to history and is never not a delight.

5) Vicki Sparks (5 Live)
It’s not a big thing for women to commentate on football as long as you’re not living in Joey Barton’s house. Nonetheless, her work is ground-breaking. She started out being more stiff but is now far more relaxed. Her roar at an England goal in the final for the Lionesses made her career with one gutteral yell and makes you want to hear it again.

4) Conor McNamara (5 Live)
Irish voices are always an aural pleasure and Conor is no exception. Though not 5 Live’s top rank is nonetheless a superb performer. Can express astonishment and boredom with genuine emotion. Very good at calling goals. Suspect he’d be a good drinking pal.

3) Clive Tyldesley (ITV)
The last of the generation of great mic men on TV, despite being defenestrated by less popular or good but younger performers for England games. When in tandem with Coisty is absolutely compelling. Superbly prepared. Is part of football’s warp and weft.

READ: Clive Tyldesley writes for F365 on a Disney World Cup that leaves him anaesthetised not hypnotised

2) John Murray (5 Live)
The Chief. 5 Live’s main commentator. John has changed over the years; he’s now far more emotional than was once the case. Famously mannered, he’s a very safe pair of tonsils. Never gets anything wrong. Huge knowledge. Never refers to family. Part of the old school shirt and tie brigade, the very definition of professional. Bounces off a pundits with apparent ease.

Knows he’s a bit of a fogey and leans into it especially when self-consciously using modern terms like ‘limbs’. That’s very enjoyable. Very respectable. Can be relied upon to have clean underwear if caught up in an entanglement on foreign soil.

1) Ian Dennis (5 Live)
Denno doesn’t just commentate. Like all the best, there is hinterland to his work, although he remains a private fella and makes his work more technicoloured than most. You might discern that he likes a good feed and is equally fond of what we would call a wee swally.

Denno bring us the scores (and midget gems) on Saturdays, a task he is masterful at, dropping from his game, time and again, judging the cut-aways perfectly in quiet moments, making a hard thing sound easy. It’s a real art. He has all the commentator’s commands of statistical analysis but at times sounds like he just loses it, so overwhelmed is he by the unfolding action.

You never need to worry, Denno will always tell you how it is. There’s no pretending shite is sugar.

His finest moment was Liverpool 4 Barcelona. 0. It was an extraordinary game made even more enjoyable by the commentator’s highly strung, emotional performance. More than anything he makes even poor games enjoyable. Excellent relationship and dynamics with pundits.