Ben White ‘genius’ leaves Arsenal ‘brushing off’ Erling Haaland goal prowess

Ben White has main character energy for Arsenal, whose reaction to Erling Haaland ‘speaks volumes’ if you love those clicks.

Book the bus, Arsenal
There’s excellent news for Arsenal fans wondering what they have to do to overhaul Manchester City when even an impressive north London derby win leaves them two points behind Manchester City and very likely to end the season in second once again.

It must feel a little like a rewarding but ultimately pointless pursuit that only has one ending.

But here’s the excellent news, courtesy of the Mirror:

Arsenal news: Mikel Arteta gets title boost after being told to make change for Man City clash

A ‘title boost’ is exactly what they need right now. Maybe Man City have lost Erling Haaland to injury. Maybe Man City have lost their Premier League status to FFP.

So what is this ‘title boost’?

Arsenal have the best defence in the entire Premier League according to Alan Shearer – and it could prove to be the difference in the title race.

Pesky fact: Arsenal had the best defence in the entire Premier League last season too; it did not prove to be the difference in the title race.

Only when we LAUGH
What a load of CAPITAL sh*t-housing this is from MailOnline:

Jorginho reveals why Arsenal stars are ‘LAUGHING’ at Man City striker Erling Haaland before top two Premier League sides clash this Sunday

Laughing at the ridiculous nature of his goalscoring prowess is not the same as LAUGHING at the man himself. But then you know that. And we clicked. So are we the d*cks?

The Madness of King Jorg
Jorginho’s comment that the Arsenal squad could only laugh at Haaland’s goalscoring prowess (nine goals in four games) was followed by “it doesn’t get to our head”, which we can happily file under ‘protest too much, methinks’.

But what you probably didn’t realise is that those six words ‘speak volumes’.

‘Jorginho comment speaks volumes about how Arsenal squad feel about Erling Haaland’ – Mirror.

‘Arsenal dressing room reaction to Erling Haaland goals speaks volumes of title hopes’ – Express.

The latter even says that ‘Arsenal’s players are brushing off the impressive goalscoring exploits of Manchester City’s Erling Haaland, according to Jorginho’.

Sorry but are they f***. What they are doing is nervously laughing because what else can they possibly do?

Big Ben
Ben White is clearly a name with serious SEO meat because he figures an awful lot in nonsense content. On Monday he was celebrating in the FACE of James Maddison, despite literally backing away while he was roaring in delight.

And on Tuesday he is a genius. Or rather Nicolas Jover is a genius. As in…

The genius Ben White Arsenal set-piece change which fooled Tottenham to comply with new rules

‘The genius Ben White Arsenal set-piece change’ is a hell of a way to describe the way that White found himself being grappled by James Maddison.

Arsenal and Ben White know referees are now looking for players, likely especially him, blocking the goalkeeper. So what does he do?

Baits Maddison into following him in and uses him to block the goalkeeper for him. Such intelligent play and so well coached. https://t.co/Y5nqf4h2IK

— evan 》 (@afcevan) September 16, 2024

It still seems more important that Gabriel did just enough to unbalance Cristian Romero and headed home a brilliant corner form Bukao Saka, but let’s pretend for a second that White was the main character in this scenario. Because football.london certainly do.

At the start of the Premier League season, new rules were implemented which quickly gained traction because of their specificity and link to Arsenal defender Benjamin White.

We’ll stop you there because there were no ‘new rules’. As The Times reported at the, erm, time: ‘The enforcement of certain rules has been tweaked. The offence of holding (ie blocking or obstructing) will be penalised more stringently in set pieces, when an attacker is trying to stop the movement of an opponent.’

And rule guru Dale Johnson of ESPN was keen to point out that there was no rule change as the directive was ‘only underlining what’s already there on holding and blocking’. 

Oddly, neither mentioned Ben White. Even though these new rules (not new rules) ‘quickly gained traction because of their specificity and link to Arsenal defender Benjamin White’.

And now he has used these new rules (not new rules) to his advantage by ‘using Maddison to prevent Vicario from moving without coming into contact with the Italian himself’. Genius. And Tottenham were ‘fooled’.

Is this why the Arsenal players are not worried about Erling Haaland?

This means more
‘Liverpool’s foreign coaches all won a trophy – Arne Slot must learn on the job to follow them’ – Daily Telegraph there, definitely not being all weird about Arne Slot already.

Three games in and still no trophy? Clearly, if he had any dignity at all, he would walk away now.

Mirror, Mirror
Sometimes it feels like Mediawatch has become Mirrorwatch but what can we do? They write the most awful sh*te in pursuit of clicks. And to be fair to them, they get a whole lot more clicks than Football365.

It’s a pretty anodyne Man Utd story that has caught our attention, detailing as it does how ‘Rio Ferdinand was stunned to see Marcus Rashford laughing and joking in Manchester United training after his tumultuous year on and off the pitch’.

The headline?

Rio Ferdinand reveals Marcus Rashford training incident and how Erik ten Hag responded

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the (un)fairest of them all?