Blue cards have left John Nicholson swearing more than we thought possible

Blue cards. Ten-minute sin-bins. More stupid inventions by idiots who have already been wrong. Pricks. You’re a little bit dismissed, a little bit still involved, with this new idea. They are due to be trialled, but I already know what will happen. Not because I’m clever but because we’ve been here before. We’ve seen this movie.

A man off for ten minutes? Easy, close the game down and nullify the advantage. Make it negative. David Moyes will love it. Great spectacle, I can’t wait for the next abject 6-0 humiliation.

Yes, you can find an occasion to define when you can use such cards, but know you are suggesting something that will pervert the game and make it worse. That should be self-evident to all but the nutter tendency and the like-minded saps that support them.

Is it ten minutes with the ball in play? That could be 20 minutes. If it isn’t it might be only with the ball in play for five minutes. Is that what you want? Will it satisfy your tiny minds? Being down to 10 isn’t anything other than a tactical problem to overcome for a few minutes. Nothing positive can come of it. Those that think it might have never played or seen football.

Then there are fans to bear in mind paying big money to see a worse product. Thanks for that. We don’t count, though, do we? You’ve made that clear enough by the way you send players off and the way you deploy VAR.

‘But it works well in other sports’ is the next mind-in-neutral defence of blue cards. Does it? Are they the same sport as football? No they’re not. They are very different, often with more breaks in play. And do they really make it better? Is it not just the case that you got used to it? I don’t doubt you can make it work, only that to do so is pointless and reduces the attraction of a game. Send someone off if you want. Don’t just lightly spank them and send them to bed with no supper.

READ: Postecoglou insists blue cards will ‘destroy’ football as he responds to Spurs’ ‘0.1%’ title chance

If you’re worried that some offences are not sufficiently punished, but not too heavily punished, you’re an uptight idiot, looking for problems that are either non-existent or are already dealt adequately with and even if they’re not, just let it go. What’s the point in spoiling the game to address your them? They shouldn’t trouble you at the expense of the integrity of the game.

I’ve heard it said it’s a good way of addressing abuse of officials. This is a sport, not school. If I hated a ref I’d gladly call him a tw*t and take 10 minutes out. Are we any further forward? No of course not. Quite the reverse. And if you lose your rag at a ref because he’s useless and get sin-binned for telling them they are a hapless wanker, who is in the wrong really? Again, we’re no further forward.

And the more decisions referees are asked to make, the more mistakes will be made. Easy to imagine VAR overturning a sin-bin decision after three minutes of deliberation. Sounds great, doesn’t it? You think this is better? You f**king fools.

Football used to be so simple. That was part of its attraction, all you’re doing is making it more complicated. Once upon a time, you could tackle someone around the neck – and boy was it fun – without penalty, now you get a yellow for a well-timed tackle that takes the ball and then the man.

Same bloody people faffing around with the game. No one thinks this is an improvement, including the players. But even so, the ever-forward move to a non-contact sport continues. Open the door to over-officiating and you will soon drown the sport in a tidal wave of refereeing pedantry. And what is the point? Trying to admonish players with a blue card for being naughty, but not too naughty is an imprecise bit of officiating which will lead to endless grief. I guarantee it. You don’t need to have watched football for 54 years to know that.

It’s also going to lead to more injuries as the player is off the field, getting cold, before returning to pull a hammy. Stop. Start. Is the exact thing that football needs less of.

It all just transfers the dynamics of the game to outside of the stadium to the VAR as they rule on the sin-bin. Anyone would think that the game had been unpopular for over 100 years and didn’t work to our satisfaction. Football was great. Then you tried to fix it and made it much worse. Can’t you see that?

Finding change unnecessary isn’t resistance to change for its own sake. It’s not old-fashioned or retrograde. You think these changes make you look fashionable and modern. They don’t; they make you look like a brainless gimp. Because something is not perfect is no reason to fundamentally alter it.

We had this with VAR. We told you what would happen and how it would spoil the game. So it has come to pass. Did you listen? Did you f***. You only heard the pointdexters who said in a pathetic whine “we’ve got to get everything right”. No we f***ing don’t, shut the f*** up. Dick. We told you but you thought you knew best and you still do. Take a telling from us, you really don’t and don’t delude yourself into thinking you do. Remember you are stupid and make things worse. If you don’t believe me, just look at your track record. Morons.

A lunatic but commonplace notion is driving this. The idea that something or someone who isn’t perfect, means they are forever corrupted. All or nothing. The game is right or wrong. It’s an attitude for losers and it is this attitude that is guiding nonsense like sin-bins. It all stems from trying to win pointless ‘what if…’ arguments on the internet or in below-the-line comments.

We see you, you dribbling saps, obsessed with yourselves and your toxic notions. We couldn’t be more contemptuous. Such people don’t realise how trivial and stupid they appear to the rest of us and are unaware their attitude is leading to ideas like blue cards, as they strive to forever right perceived wrongs.

But it will never placate such people who love to think they are at a much misunderstood cutting edge of new ideas. Like Brexit and Communism, when it all turns to shit, it won’t be wrong, just deployed inadequately. Adopt this attitude and you will never feel like the f***ing stupid tw*t you are. Never accept that you are 100% wrong and provably so and that’s the most important thing, it would seem. No retreat, no surrender.

The primacy of your own view is in your head. You made it up, it’s not a fact, its a delusion to go with the myriad of other self deceptions that flag you up as a nutter and why people hate you who are not like you. I’m sick of you and your sort, p***ing around with the game I love. Leave well alone. Remember you are f***ing stupid and know nothing. Get back in your box, you absolute roasters and take your f***ing blue cards with you. You know when you think you’re improving football, do me a favour and assume you’re not. Your instincts are 100% wrong.

Trying to fix everything to make it ‘right’ is impossible. Stop worrying about it. Your attempts to iron out these so-called problems just end up making everything worse. You are toxic, leaking your poison into football’s bloodstream. Blue cards will just make games more interrupted, more defensive and more open to allegations of cheating or at least poor officiating.

You think you want this, but you will soon hopefully realise you don’t, unless you’ve convinced yourself of your own brilliance at arriving at such a pathetic, unrealistic notion. Oh, wait a minute. Here comes football to make a fool of you, you bunch of idiots. Now f*** off.

John Nicholson: VAR does not need ‘tweaking’; fans need to vote with their feet