Watch the Bruno Fernandes ‘almighty wobbler’ as Lisandro Martinez schools Salah

Date published: Tuesday 7th March 2023 9:13 - Editor F365

Man Utd midfielder Bruno Fernandes looks dejected

If you think that is an ‘almighty wobbler’ then you have never seen a toddler as the Bruno Fernandes untruth takes hold. Plus, Lisandro Martinez escapes criticism.


Keeping things in perspective
Maybe he was smarting after being made to look foolish over his Manchester United Quadruple talk, but James Ducker of the Daily Telegraph has really taken United’s humiliation to heart. And his primary target is Bruno Fernandes, who committed the ultimate crime of not being very happy about losing 7-0 and behaving somewhat petulantly, as he has done so many times before.

But do you know what Fernandes did not do? There are two clues in the headline on the Telegraph site:

‘Bruno Fernandes’ tantrum bordered on insubordination’

All good. Except he did not a) throw a tantrum or b) refuse to follow instructions.

Here is how Ducker begins his piece:

‘As Mohamed Salah wheeled away in delight and Liverpool toasted their sixth goal, with the final, humiliating blow still to be delivered by the right boot of Roberto Firmino, the board went up to signal the end of Marcus Rashford’s afternoon. Cue an almighty wobbler in the centre circle from Manchester United’s second half super brat, Bruno Fernandes, who threw up his arms in disgust as if to ask why it was not him who was coming off.

‘United have denied this was the case and insisted the Portugal midfielder had actually been seeking clarity from the bench about his position.’

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the ‘almighty wobbler’:

Presumably Ducker does not have a toddler and has never had a toddler, if he thinks that is an ‘almighty wobbler’.

‘But football audiences are no strangers to the sight of Fernandes’ histrionics and his petulance seemed to take on ever darker shades as United’s Anfield meltdown deepened.’

‘Ever darker’? The man threw his hands up in the air a few times. As he has done many times before. He is a bit of a d**k but those asterisks are not hiding the word ‘dark’?

‘When Ten Hag comes to watch it all back, few things may disappoint United’s manager quite like Fernandes’ wretched behaviour. As someone who places such a premium on high standards and discipline, it simply cannot go unaddressed.’

Wretched? If Ducker was guilty of hyperbole last week (he was) then he has doubled down this week. Because of course the truth that Manchester United are a good rather than great team and that Bruno Fernandes is a talented but flawed character is just too reasonable for those who grasp for extreme narratives.

Manchester United were never potential Quadruple winners and Bruno Fernandes is a bit of a prick sometimes. That is all.


The Neville in disguise
It’s amazing how Gary Neville’s comments about Bruno Fernandes asking for a substitution has led to this somehow becoming fact. As the Guardian‘s Barry Glendenning writes:

‘In a show of petulance that would see most toddlers receive a lengthy ban from their local indoor soft play, the Portuguese midfielder also shoved a fourth official, threw himself to the ground feigning injury, took a dive in an effort to win a penalty and remonstrated with his own manager for not substituting him, all the better to leave him to endure a humiliation that was largely of his own making.’

Except he didn’t did he?

And presumably he laughed off that idea when he was told that was the claim from Neville that immediately became fact. Which in turn inspired headlines such as this in The Sun:

‘Bruno Fernandes forced to deny asking to be subbed vs Liverpool as Man Utd star reveals what he was signalling to staff’

Kudos for the massive implication that Fernandes has said anything at all about this ludicrous idea. Which then leads here to MailOnline:

‘Bruno Fernandes DENIES asking to be subbed off during Man United’s 7-0 thrashing by Liverpool after Gary Neville called the captain’s behaviour a ‘disgrace’… with the Portuguese ‘waving his arms at the bench to check which position to play in’.

He DENIES it? He has said f*** all about it because that would be ridiculous. Neville made a mistake driven by emotion and really, he should have clarified that since. He absolutely should know better.


The mighty Martinez
When ESPN‘s Mark Ogden made this entirely reasonable video in November, did he swear that he would believe this until the day he died, regardless of any and all evidence?

What other explanation could there be for Ogden naming Martinez alongside Cody Gakpo and Andy Robertson as one of Sunday’s ‘best performers’ (ahead of Mo Salah, for example) and writing: ‘Despite the emphatic defeat, Martinez was outstanding at the back for United and his awareness helped keep the scoreline down.’

There’s commitment to an opinion and then there’s, well, there’s a f***ing mental sentence.

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