Bruno Fernandes and the ‘experiment’ Man Utd tried 18 times last season

People paid to write about Manchester United are acting like Bruno Fernandes in central midfield is a ‘tactical tweak’. Keep up…

We do talk about Bruno
Manchester United beat Bournemouth with some panache in a pre-season victory; it’s all rather positive for Ruben Amorim and his resurgent Reds. Especially if you work for the propaganda machine at the Manchester Evening News:

What Bruno Fernandes did in 69th minute vs Bournemouth typifies change in Manchester United

Now it takes 11 fat paragraphs before we discover exactly what Bruno Fernandes did in the 69th minute, which strongly suggests that the click-tastic headline came very much after the opinion, which quite rightly opens on the impressive Rasmus Hojlund after his goal.

So what exactly did Bruno Fernandes do in the 69th minute to ‘typify change’?

He sprinted back to block a cross before berating the referee for awarding a corner.

It sounds pretty much exactly like something Bruno Fernandes would do – in the 7th, 18th, 27th, 69th or 90th minute – and exactly like something he has always done.

Indeed, it’s so unremarkable that it didn’t even merit a mention in the same website’s player ratings, with Fernandes getting a 7 as Samuel Luckhurst noted: ‘Bright as ever and connected well with Mason Mount as the United No.7 played as one of the two 10s. Played the ball slickly.’

‘Bright as ever’, you say. Sounds odd for a man who did something to ‘typify change’.

Meanwhile, at The Sun, we’re told that ‘Dorgu bags first goal for Red Devils to go with classy assist but Bruno Fernandes concern emerges’.

The ‘concern’ is that ‘the deeper role restricted him from doing what he does best at the other end’, which left Fernandes being awarded a mere 5/10.

Yes, that’s a real ‘concern’ as Manchester United won 4-1 without new signings Bryan Mbeumo and Matheus Cunha. Amorim won’t be able to sleep tonight.

Oh wait, he said: “Bruno is a very intelligent player, capable of controlling the tempo of the match, so I am very satisfied with him.”

It’s almost like footballers can do more than take shots and that.

Tinker, tailor, soldier, why?
The Daily Mail go big with their coverage of Manchester United’s win over Bournemouth ‘to go top of the Premier League Summer Series table’ (which might be the most unintentionally funny opening line we have read for some time).

THINGS WE LEARNED from Man United’s 4-1 thrashing of Bournemouth: Rasmus Hojlund sends message to Benjamin Sesko, Ruben Amorim’s tactical tweak, and why Matheus Cunha missed out

Obviously, Holjund’s ‘message to Benjamin Sesko’ was a goal; we are now so familiar with this nonsensical vernacular that nary an eyebrow is raised.

As for the ‘tactical tweak’…we’re intrigued. Surely it cannot be Bruno Fernandes playing in a deeper role, as that happened many, many times last season?

The Red Devils boss had promised an experiment and fans certainly got that, with Bruno Fernandes starting in a deeper role alongside Casemiro.

Oh, somebody (in this case the Mail’s actual Manchester United correspondent) was not paying attention last season, when Fernandes played in a deeper role on 18 occasions, including in the actual Europa League final v Tottenham. You might think that would stick in the mind.

Indeed, in the most important game of Ruben Amorim’s tenure – that Europa League final – United played exactly the same outfield players as in this ‘experiment’ v Bournemouth, barring the inclusion of Diogo Dalot over the injured Noussair Mazraoui.

It’s only ‘tactical tinkering’ if you haven’t been watching. And we’re starting to think we might be the only ones watching.

I got new rules, I count ’em
Have Manchester United set themselves a ‘golden rule’ to only recruit from the Premier League? It seems unlikely. And entirely impractical.

What they have decided on is – and we will consult the Daily Telegraph here – ‘the clear and deliberate targeting of players who have shown they can not only compete but thrive in Europe’s most competitive domestic league and yet who still fit the right age profile’.

Is that a ‘golden rule’? Is it balls.

And yet…

Man Utd break golden transfer rule after deciding between Benjamin Sesko and Ollie Watkins

Sesko has no Premier League experience and Watkins is the wrong age profile so presumably the Mirror were going to opt for a ‘break golden transfer rule’ headline either way. Handy.

And according to the Mirror’s sister site the Manchester Evening News, ‘Manchester United have broken their own transfer rule twice this summer’ anyway.

More sodding rules than Dua Lipa.

READ: Man Utd, Aston Villa, bad maths and Ollie Watkins ‘better than nothing’

A message to you, Ruben…
Somebody needs to tell Ollie Watkins that Manchester United have decided on Benjamin Sesko because he’s out there needlessly sending a ‘clear message to Manchester United amid Benjamin Sesko pursuit’ (TBR Football).

And how did he send this ‘clear message’? By scoring a goal, of course. Presumably if he wasn’t interested in a transfer to Manchester United, he would have missed the target.