Bruno Fernandes gives worst ‘transfer ultimatum’ ever as Man Utd coverage goes mental

Man Utd won a game of football on Wednesday night but obviously the headlines are all about Bruno Fernandes, Sir Jim Ratcliffe and Marcus Rashford.

The Jinx
‘RAS TO RESCUE’ is the main headline on The Sun football homepage. Can you ‘rescue’ a team winning 2-1 when you come on the pitch? Short answer: Can you f***.

But the real story from Old Trafford on Wednesday night was this: ‘Sir Jim Ratcliffe proves he may have been jinxing Man Utd all along as Ineos chief misses rare win to watch Nice lose.’

It’s been a poor season for Manchester United but they have won 22 games in normal time this season, with Liverpool beaten in extra time in the FA Cup and Coventry City on penalties. Not sure something that’s happened 24 times in 50 games can really be called ‘rare’.

But the narrative has no time for such things as facts. And this is the narrative:

SIR JIM RATCLIFFE’s remarkable “curse” continued – after he chose to watch a vital Nice match rather than new club Manchester United.

Note the “curse” in quote marks. And who are The Sun quoting? Themselves from three days before, of course.

United’s unlucky new minority owner has yet to see them win in 90 minutes, prompting fears he may be a jinx.

He saw them win an FA Cup semi-final at Wembley, fellas; it’s a bit of a half-assed jinx.

Shine on you crazy diamond
We expect better from The Times, who bring us this headline as they desperately chase subscriptions:

Marcus Rashford’s spat with fan takes shine off Man United win

This is obviously absolute bollocks designed for clicks. And do you know how we know that this is absolute bollocks designed for clicks?

Because journalist Charlotte Duncker – who has not written the headline – did not mention Rashford until her seventh paragraph and then wrote this in her eighth:

Before the match, there were unsavoury scenes as Rashford was embroiled in an altercation with a fan who ­appeared to criticise him during the pre-match warm-up. The 26-year-old confronted the supporter during an ill-tempered exchange, with the striker eventually having to be restrained by Christian Eriksen.

Any indication there that the ‘spat’ took the shine off the Man United win? No, because – and this seems important – it really didn’t.

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The famous FIVE
Wayne Rooney being on Sky Sports has obviously prompted far more headlines than what actually happened on the pitch. Here’s the Mirror‘s take:

Ruthless Wayne Rooney tears into Man Utd and names only ONE star who shouldn’t be sold

Seems really sodding harsh after a ‘rare win’ when Kobbie Mainoo, Amad and Rasmus Hojlund scored for Manchester United.

At which point we obviously discover that Rooney did not mean that at all.

“I think you keep the young players, and you keep Bruno,” said Rooney. So Bruno Fernandes and presumably the FOUR players 21 and under who played a big part in beating Newcastle United. So that makes FIVE.

Not a great headline that. Which explains but does not excuse the lie.

We do talk about Bruno
But can Manchester United possibly keep Bruno Fernandes at the club after his ‘transfer ultimatum’?

Bruno Fernandes gives Manchester United transfer ultimatum with future in doubt

So let’s hear this ‘transfer ultimatum’ from the Mirror:

“The club needs to want me. I feel the club wants me to be a part of the future. As I said always, I don’t want to be a player that the club doesn’t want to have. If for some reason they don’t want to have me, I will go. But if they want me, I will stay.‌”

Is this the worst ‘transfer ultimatum’ ever? He’s basically saying ‘I’m happy to stay if you want me…but happy to go if you don’t’. That is pretty much exactly what every club wants to hear.

It’s not an ‘ultimatum’, it’s acquiescence.

But still, at least they didn’t take the same quotes and do this like the Express:

Bruno Fernandes outlines when he’ll leave Man Utd as star linked with Saudi transfer

When? When will he leave? Is it ‘when he is sold’? Yes. Yes, it is.

YEARS and YEARS
Back to Wayne Rooney, and his comments on Manchester United’s current standing have created headlines that really should not be headlines if you have any grasp on reality.

You’ll know already from the absolutely massive girth that this is MailOnline:

Wayne Rooney gives ruthless verdict on the state of Manchester United as he urges club to ‘get rid’ of most of their squad and warns it could take 15 YEARS to win the Champions League again

That’s quite the ‘warning’. Until you realise it’s been 16 YEARS since they last won the Champions League and they have literally never been further away: They are battling for a Conference League place, FFS.

Come back to us with the ‘news’ when somebody predicts that the eighth-best team in the Premier League will win the Champions League again.

How to have your cake and eat it
‘Anthony Gordon could end up at Liverpool as transfer starts to make sense’ – Liverpool Echo, May 16, 1am

‘Liverpool ‘not interested’ in Anthony Gordon transfer as Leeds United alternative emerges’ – Liverpool Echo, May 16, 7am

There were obviously some key developments in those six hours when the rest of us were asleep; presumably Liverpool realised that there is absolutely no sodding way that Newcastle United will sell Antony Gordon.

More: Man Utd | Bruno Fernandes | Sir Jim Ratcliffe