In a ‘brutal’ and ‘disastrous new twist’, Ronaldo is on the BENCH after 45 minutes of football

Genuinely, who thought Ronaldo was going to be anywhere but the BENCH this weekend? What a ridiculous narrative…

BENCH press
Ronaldo missed Manchester United’s pre-season tour.

Ronaldo did not return to Manchester United training until July 28.

Ronaldo has played 45 minutes of football in pre-season.

Who the f*** ever thought that Ronaldo was going to start this weekend v Brighton? Not us, certainly.

And yet Neil Custis of The Sun is claiming an ‘exclusive’ (we envy his contacts) that ‘CRISTIANO RONALDO is set for a humiliating stint on the bench, with his future still in doubt at Manchester United’.

Well of course he sodding is. And can you be ‘humiliated’ by something you have entirely brought upon yourself?

The headline on The Sun website pulls out the CAPITALS because it is so SHOCKING:

‘Cristiano Ronaldo will start the season on the BENCH with Man Utd future still in doubt as Ten Hag picks front three’

We would be infinitely more surprised if Ronaldo was going to start the season on the PITCH.

Bigger BENCH press
Delving further into the ‘exclusive’ report that a man who did not deign to turn up to Manchester United training until last week will not start the season ahead of players who have trained, played and scored in pre-season…

‘Ten Hag wants to stick with the front three of Jadon Sancho, Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford that served him so well on the pre-season tour.

‘That means even when Ronaldo is up to speed he could be benched.’

Well he will be ‘benched’ if those three play well; that’s how this sh*t works.

‘And it will not go down well because he was furious in March when interim boss Ralf Rangnick dropped him for the derby away to Manchester City.

‘Rangnick told Ronaldo he would be an impact substitute in the game, which United lost 4-1.

‘But an angry Ronaldo then developed an injury and flew off to Portugal.’

We really can’t help but think that Ronaldo should have scored in 90 goalless minutes at home to Watford the week before. Perhaps he should have been ‘furious’ with himself.

A brutal disaster
And of course where one leads, everybody else follows…

‘Cristiano Ronaldo ‘will start Manchester United’s Premier League opener against Brighton on the BENCH as Erik ten Hag looks to reward Jadon Sancho, Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford after their impressive pre-season campaign” – MailOnline. They’ve not only copied the story but also the CAPITALS.

‘Ronaldo set for shock benching in PL opener; City star’s big transfer warning: Rumour Mill’ – Fox Sports. Apparently this is a ‘disastrous new twist’. Can something entirely predictable by a ‘disastrous new twist’? It can when it’s Ronaldo.

‘DROPPED? Cristiano Ronaldo to start new season on bench amid uncertainty over Manchester United future with manager Erik ten Hag expected to pick Jadon Sancho, Marcus Rashford and Anthony Martial against Brighton’ – TalkSPORT. Can you be ‘dropped’ (sorry, DROPPED) for the opening game of the season?

‘Man Utd transfer news LIVE: Brutal Ronaldo bench decision, Neves latest plus Van de Beek doubts’ – Mirror. Brutal? Brutal?

Agenda studies
And where there is a ‘brutal’ decision dominating the news agenda, you will always find the Mirror‘s Assistant Editor (Agenda), Jake Polden. That (Agenda) will never fail to make us smile.

‘Sir Alex Ferguson named five Man Utd stars you can’t drop – hints at Erik ten Hag mistake’

Of course, the ‘story’ is that Sir Alex Ferguson wrote – nine years ago – that his all-time Manchester United XI would always include five stars.

‘So it always felt like an impossible task to select a best XI, yet you would have to say Cantona, Giggs, Scholes, Robson and Cristiano Ronaldo could never be left out of a Man United side.’

And this ‘hints at Erik ten Hag mistake’.

Is it also a ‘mistake’ that Ten Hag has neglected to bring back Eric Cantona, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and Bryan Robson too? The big daft Dutchie.

It’s almost like what a man wrote nine years ago about a player he managed 13 years ago is utterly irrelevant. Unless you have an (Agenda).

Child’s play

Is he three? pic.twitter.com/0293OtCpNt

— Football365 (@F365) August 3, 2022

Pull your finger out, Antony
Elsewhere on The Sun website, there is news of an ultimatum:

‘Man Utd threatening to pull OUT of Antony transfer race unless these two demands are met by Ajax winger this week’

First, can you pull OUT of a transfer race that’s not really ongoing? And second, how the hell is the Ajax winger going to ‘meet the demand’ of his asking price going down?

‘No sh*t’ of the day
‘Malang Sarr would prefer a move to Monaco over Premier League new boys Fulham’ – Sky Sports.