Leicester City v Stoke City
What a time to be alive. Hot on the heels of my eBay account hack and the whole sorry saga of the Costa Rican dildos, I learn that outraged customers have been calling the police and members of parliament to complain about KFC running out of chicken. The BBC have actually declared the KFC chicken shortage to be a ‘crisis’. Given the national meltdown over fried chicken, I’m not sure this country is actually ready for the level of potential disruption from a no-deal Brexit. Or even a Jamie Vardy hat-trick against Stoke, who have been Kentucky Fried F**king Awful for the most part this season.
Betting: Vardy to score a hat-trick at 33/1 (Paddy Power)
Bournemouth v Newcastle United
Bournemouth’s home form has been bang tidy this season while the Magpies are unbeaten in three and stunned Manchester United the other week. Preference here though is for the Cherries – who have never lost a Premier League home game against a promoted side – to win a tight one.
Betting: Bournemouth to win by one goal at 14/5 (Boylesports)
Brighton v Swansea City
Swansea are proving tough to beat under new boss Carlos Carvalhal and could be worth a punt to register their third consecutive away draw in the league. Mike Dean officiates, so open your mind to the possibility of some more ‘no look’ yellow cards and facial expressions that would make the late Les Dawson wince.
Betting: Draw at 9/4 (bet365)
Burnley v Southampton
Burnley have won their last two matches against Southampton 1-0 and with Chris Wood back in the frame (and possibly James Tarkowski) a third 1-0 home win cannot be ruled out.
Betting: Burnley to win 1-0 at 13/2 (bet365)
Liverpool v West Ham
The Reds absolutely smashed West Ham 4-1 at the London Stadium and given David Moyes has yet to win at Anfield in 14 previous attempts, you’d fancy the hosts to win this with minimal fuss. Roberto Firmino is flying at the minute and I fancy Bobby and Mo Salah to put a whipping on the Hammers. Odds of 5/6 for Liverpool to score three or more? Booya indeed.
Betting: Liverpool to score 3+ goals at 5/6 (Sky Bet)
West Brom v Huddersfield Town
Back him or sack him? Can Alan Pardew survive ‘Taxi Gate’? Is £27.95 truly a “big order” for McDonald’s? For four f**king people in the wee small hours? So many questions. So little time. It’s do or die now surely for the Baggies here though, as a defeat would leave them 10 points adrift of Huddersfield. Unbelievably they are odds on to win on Saturday. Not for me, Clive.
Betting: Both teams to score at 5/4 (Betfair Sportsbook)
Watford v Everton
Two genuinely erratic teams face off in Saturday’s late kick off so this isn’t the game to be steaming in with the rent money. That said, Everton look the pick here at fairly fancy prices.
Betting: Everton to win and both teams to score at 6/1 (Betfair Sportsbook)
Crystal Palace v Tottenham
Spurs have won their last two at Selhurst Park and can oblige at odds on here against a Palace side who’ve only kept one clean sheet in their last 27 London derbies. That’s some muggy form right there and this looks a perfect game for the fast walking, smooth talking ball of charisma that is Harry Kane to add to his goal tally for the season.
Betting: Kane to score first at 5/2 (Bet Victor)
Manchester United v Chelsea
What a game in store at Old Trafford. United have lost two of their last three in the league while Chelsea have a manager who loves wearing baseball caps and f**king hates Jose Mourinho. The pair have traded barbs for a good while now with my personal favourite coming from Mourinho, who in a nod to Conte’s miraculous (but obviously suspect) barnet, said “I don’t know. I could answer in many different ways but I’m not going to lose my hair to speak about Antonio Conte.” Ouch. The Red Devils have won just one of their last 14 matches against the Blues in all competitions, which is some stat. With this in mind you’d have to say Chelsea are definitely a spot of value at approaching 3/1.
Betting: Chelsea to win at 14/5 (Hills)
Arsenal v Manchester City
Sunday also throws up the small matter of the Carabao Cup final between these two behemoths of the modern game. City (8/13 for the win) need to get back on track after that stunning defeat to Rochdale and can nail down a first trophy of what they hope will be an historic season at Wembley. There’s a million bets on offer as per but I’m quite sweet on Kevin De Bruyne to score and City to win in 90 minutes at 3/1.
Betting: De Bruyne to score anytime and Manchester City to win at 3/1 (Hills)