Cheeky Punt: Tempted by a Harry Kane, Man United double

Date published: Friday 13th October 2017 1:55

Liverpool v Manchester United
The domestic action returns and is welcome respite from the insufferable sh*te the England national team has been serving up recently. We may have qualified for Russia with a bit to spare, but forgive me for not tattooing my testicles with a Three Lions badge and ‘2018 World Cup winners’ underneath it just yet.

Not a bad game to get the Premier League shenanigans back under way either, is it? These eternal North West rivals lock horns in the early kick-off and the Red Devils travel to Merseyside in great form. They’re unbeaten in the Premier and Champions League, while Liverpool have won only one of seven matches since tonking Arsenal 4-0 back in August. Jurgen Klopp’s side continue to have some very real defensive problems, and could be exposed by the pace of Marcus Rashford and the finishing of Romelu Lukaku. United were a 2/1 shot when betting opened for this fixture and while that price has been smashed following the news Sadio Mane misses out, they still look a spot of value.

Betting: Manchester United to win at 9/5 (Sporting Bet)


Burnley v West Ham
Tough one to call this, with the bookies struggling to separate them, so the smart play is keep any stakes low. I’m pretty skint at the minute anyway. I put a claim in for Industrial Deafness about a month ago. Not heard a thing since.

Betting: Both teams to score at 39/40 (Sporting Bet)


Crystal Palace v Chelsea
The defending champions travel across London to face a team who have no points and have yet to score a goal in the league this season. Alvaro Morata misses out but the Blues surely have too much pizazz for the Eagles. 5/4 about Chelsea to win to nil? I like those apples.

Betting: Chelsea to win to nil at 5/4 (Bet Victor)


Manchester City v Stoke City
It’s been easy work for Manchester City so far this season, and a team who have scored 11 goals in three Premier League home games won’t be sweating over the visit of Mark Hughes’ workmanlike (but technically limited) plodders.

Betting: Manchester City (-2) to win at 5/4 (Betfair)


Swansea v Huddersfield Town
I like Swansea here at 5/4 to beat a Huddersfield side that have not scored in three. I’ve had a tough week, largely caused by my decision to go to the casino on Sunday. It all went t*ts up rather quickly and I was forced into the following conversation with ‘er indoors upon my return:

Er – ‘Where have you been? It’s half three in the morning.’

Me – ‘I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.’

Er – ‘Playing poker with some blokes? What a disgrace. In fact, you can pack your bags and leave.’

Me –  ‘So can you sweetheart… this ain’t our f**king house anymore.’

Betting: Swansea to win at 5/4 (Marathon Bet)


Tottenham v Bournemouth
Spurs have been murder so far at Wembley but can prove once and for all this weekend they are capable of doing the business under that iconic arch. Incredibly Harry Kane is just 6/4 in places to score first. Yet search the very depths of your soul and ask yourself honestly if you’d dare back against a player who is quite clearly in the form of his life. You wouldn’t would you? Your a**e would be nipping.

Betting: Kane to score first at 9/5 (Coral)


Watford v Arsenal
Arsenal are back on a roll and worth following to register their fifth win in a row when they go to Watford. As an aside, I hope everyone was on Uncle Cheeky’s 20/1 West Brom v Watford nap last time out? Booya! As a geezer in the comments section correctly said: “Always pay attention when Degsy puts the double figure tips up.”

Betting: HT Draw – FT Arsenal at 41/10 (Matathon Bet)


Brighton v Everton
How sh*te have Everton been so far? Rather like an ex-girlfriend of mine from my Leeds University days, they promised much, spent loads of dough but have basically been an embarrassment for the most part (she had a forehead like Wayne Rooney as well come to think of it). 13/10 about a team that have scored just twice in five league matches? Not so much.

Betting: Half-time result – Draw at 21/20 (Betfred)


Southampton v Newcastle United
Fair play to Newcastle, who have rebounded well from a dodgy start and sit proudly in ninth spot having taken 10 of the last 15 points available. They are bigger than 4/1 to win at Southampton and, to use the local vernacular, that price looks ‘geet walla. Tha bookies must be radgie, like’.

Betting: Newcastle to win and Under 2.5 goals at 15/2 (Betfred)


Degsy Bilton

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