Dictionary365: J is for Jabulani, Japan, jaunt, Jenas, jinking, Johnstone’s Paint and Juninhos

The first slightly tricky letter in our rundown of the lexicon of football, which is why we’ve got about 300 words about an infamously unreliable football.

Jabulani – The official match ball of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa and now sadly a byword for rubbish balls everywhere. Received the pre-tournament criticism that had by this point become tradition for World Cup match balls after the 2002 and 2006 balls were treated with similar suspicion – much of it justified on the basis of being the first balls since the 1970s not to be based on the iconic Tango – but while almost nobody now remembers the names Fevernova or Teamgeist, the Jabulani entered the football lexicon when the criticism and complaints continued to rain down like a load of wobbly knuckleball footballs once the tournament began. Jabulani translates as “Be happy!” in Zulu, adding a bitterly ironic twist because almost nobody was happy with a ball goalkeepers compared to forecourt flyaways and forwards complained was impossible to shoot with accurately or reliably. Interestingly, several adidas-sponsored players were found who had entirely coincidental positive views of the adidas ball. Frank Lampard called it “a very strong ball, true to hit” and in fairness he did hit it really bloody well for that goal that never was against Germany. Michael Ballack said it was “fantastic” but best of all the positive comments adidas wrung out of their sponsored players came from Alvaro Arbeloa: “It’s round, like always.” Not necessarily something you’d put on a film poster, is it? In truth, the ball wasn’t really as bad as the players made out and certainly no better or worse than other modern footballs. But none of that matters, because its reputation and notoriety were quickly and permanently established, meaning the name lives on today as the go-to reference point for any seemingly flighty unreliable football.

Jangling – What happens to the nerves of everyone involved towards the end of a particularly tense or important close game.

Japan – Ever-growing football force, co-host of the 2002 Men’s World Cup, winners of the 2011 Women’s World Cup but to us always the place that Sir Alex Ferguson would mention with utter disdain when discussing the CV of Arsene Wenger in the early days of their long-running Premier League feud. That’s on us.

Japorea – Affectionately intended but in hindsight really quite problematic nickname for the 2002 World Cup, co-hosted by Japan and South Korea.

Jaunt – The trip teams used to go on during pre-season before they were replaced with cynical, money-grabbing five-match tours of the USA or China or Australia to play mainly other Premier League teams. One simply cannot go on a ‘jaunt’ to Australia, but you’ll still see tabloids attempt it occasionally. Our unscientific but strongly-held view: if you’re going anywhere further than La Manga it is no longer a jaunt.

Jeff, Unbelievable – Catchphrase of beloved Soccer Saturday legend Chris Kamara, sadly long-since co-opted in lieu of a personality by the very worst footy banter fan you know.

Jenas, Jermaine – Forgettably adequate midfielder for Nottingham Forest, Newcastle, Spurs and England, turned forgettably adequate pundit, turned – genuinely inexplicably – forgettably adequate host of The One Show.

Jersey – Pleasingly old-school term for a football shirt, still in use for your modern tops they have now but inevitably and instantly evoking great big heavy things they used to wear in the old days when football was proper.

Jinking – Preferred descriptor for any mazy dribble into the penalty area performed by a diminutive playmaker or winger. You’ll all immediately be thinking of a particular player; for youngsters it will probably be Lionel Messi, but for the real ones thoughts will turn instantly to Georgi Kinkladze.

Job – All that footballers, even at their very best, are ever doing according to Roy Keane

Jockeying – One of many standard semi-physical tactics deployed to secure prime penalty-box real estate in the defence and attack of corners and related set-pieces (see jostling)

Johnstone, St – The only league club in Scotland or England with a J in their name anywhere, never mind at the start of a word. Nice bit of trivia, but sub-optimal if you’re trying to come up with a whole feature’s worth of stuff that begins with J.

Johnstone’s Paint – Every sponsored cup or competition has that one sponsor whose connection with the tournament long outlasts their actual sponsorship, and the EFL Trophy as it is now drearily known will always be the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy despite the fact the paint company sponsored the competition for only nine of its 43 (and counting) years of existence. JPT was a pleasing acronym which probably helped, but our theory for the indelibility of this particular link is that Johnstone’s Paint has absolutely zero reference point outside of a football competition for clubs in League One and League Two and, controversially these days, academy teams from the Big Clubs. Has anyone, anywhere, ever actually seen or purchased a tin of Johnstone’s Paint? Presumably the answer is yes but at the same time it’s also definitely no. Do they even exist? Johnstone’s Paint exists in the public consciousness almost entirely because it once sponsored a second-tier football competition and we rather like that. So strong is this link that searching “Johnstone’s Paint” on Wikipedia takes you not to a page about the company – because, again, we’re not 100 per cent sure they even exist – but quite correctly redirects straight to the page for the EFL Trophy.

Jones, Phil – Former Manchester United defender who played only six Premier League games across his last four seasons at the club and had by then long since become more meme than man due to slightly elastic and expressive face and fondness for tackling with his head.

Jostling – see jockeying

Jukebox – Excellent nickname of former Rangers, Chelsea, Tottenham and Scotland striker Gordon Durie, every single element of which would now take an awful lot of explaining to youngsters, wouldn’t it? Pfft. Those youngsters.

Jump – Astonishingly basic human physical activity mastered by most toddlers yet forever beyond 125-cap England goalkeeper Peter Shilton.

Jumpers – Emergency goalposts

Jumping – What entire stadiums can do if the action – or even just anticipation thereof – is sufficiently exciting

Juninho Paulista – The dazzling little jinking Middlesbrough one.

Juninho Pernambucano – The free-kick-scoring Lyon one.

Justice – What is done when a softly awarded (see adjudged) penalty is either missed or saved.