Could you grab your dream Manchester United shirt number amid Manchester United interest?

Editor F365
Manchester United shirts outside Old Trafford

It seems like everybody Manchester United targets can have their dream shirt number except possibly Mason Mount…

 

Confectionary outlet
At a time when football news is a little slow, you can rely on some to come up with some confected nonsense, a controversy manufactured out of absolutely nowhere. Or rather a controversy manufactured out of Twitter. But that’s where this sort of utter garbage should stay…

‘Martin Tyler forced to apologise after saying Ukraine ace Heorhiy Bushchan would ‘soldier on’ after injury in Wales game’ – The Sun.

‘Martin Tyler forced to issue apology for on-air comments about Ukraine goalkeeper’ – Mirror.

‘Veteran commentator Martin Tyler apologises live on Sky Sports for saying Ukraine goalkeeper Heorhiy Bushchan would ‘soldier on’ after injury in their World Cup play-off against Wales, as Russian invasion continues’ – MailOnline.

Martin Tyler was not ‘forced to’ do anything at all; he used an innocent, everyday idiom, immediately realised it might not be sensitive and then very quickly said “apologies if I’ve used that word inappropriately”. The whole thing took barely three seconds.

But three seconds is long enough for Twitter to create a ludicrous fuss. And three seconds is long enough for tabloid websites to create content out of such a ludicrous fuss.

This is from the Mirror:

‘One fan posted: “Martin Tyler just said the Ukrainian goalkeeper will ‘soldier on’ and promptly apologised for saying that. He’s genuinely just awful. #WALUKR.”‘

Yes, one Irish Liverpool fan with 197 followers who deleted his tweet.

‘Another said: “No way Martin Tyler just said the Ukrainian keeper will soldier on.” One even added: “Wow. Retire.”‘

Yes they did. People on Twitter said those things. And those people are largely idiots. Like a man calling himself @yobnationalist. Not this bloke, though; he’s a hero:

 

 

Lost memo
Dave Kidd, The Sun, p54: ‘It is best not to use words such as ‘heartbreak’ and ‘misery’ to describe this defeat, because there is too much of both in the grim realities of naked aggression and brutal occupation.’

Phil Cadden, The Sun, p56: ‘The Welsh captain saw his 34th-minute free-kick turned into his own net by Andriy Yarmolenko to end 64 years of qualification hurt for the Dragons and leave war-torn Ukraine heartbroken.’

 

Another fine Messi
This is some shameless nonsense from the Mirror, who were happy to hoover up the clicks with this:

‘Cristiano Ronaldo responds to Lionel Messi scoring five goals with help from Diogo Jota’

Ronaldo was literally on the pitch scoring two goals while Lionel Messi was on another pitch scoring five goals. Pretty much at the same time. One was emphatically not a ‘response’ to the other.

Can we not just enjoy the bloody football?

 

Mount of order
Are we all still pretending that Mason Mount could leave Chelsea for Manchester United? Well The Sun are.

‘MOUNTING SPECULATION Chelsea star Mason Mount waiting on new contract talks ‘for months’ as Man Utd consider shock transfer move’

Well he’s been waiting on new contract talks ‘for months’ as Chelsea could not actually conduct contract talks for months.

Fabrizio Romano has been tweeting…

‘Not an urgent situation btw’ is lost on The Sun, who see this as an indicator of ‘MOUNTING SPECULATION’ as we are told once again that this is all happening ‘amid interest from Manchester United’.

It might as well be happening ‘amid Jubilee celebrations’ for all that any interest from Europa League club Manchester United would be a factor in these negotiations.

If this does not end with Mason Mount signing a new, lucrative contract with the club he loves then Mediawatch will merrily paint itself blue and sing Suggs’ Blue Day on the King’s Road.

 

Ten years on
If you are already getting the impression that there is going to be a lot of ‘amid Manchester United interest’ this summer, then you would be right.

‘Christopher Nkunku makes ‘flattered’ transfer admission amid Manchester United interest’ – Manchester Evening News.

Never mind that he was likely talking about PSG and Chelsea, it was said ‘amid Manchester United interest’ because clicks.

But this is a very modern and frankly ludicrous example of the genre on the Manchester Evening News:

‘Sir Alex Ferguson has delivered his verdict on Christian Eriksen amid Manchester United links’

Now ‘amid’ means ‘in the middle of’ or ‘in an atmosphere or against a background of’, so how the f*** does what Sir Alex Ferguson said in 2012 come ‘amid Manchester United links’? Answer: It doesn’t. It’s all shite.

 

Getting shirty
Somebody sent round an e-mail to ‘all staff’ at the Manchester Evening News with a new directive:

‘Frenkie de Jong can grab dream Manchester United shirt number after contract decision’ – May 25.

‘Erik ten Hag could hand Darwin Nunez dream Manchester United shirt number with transfer decision’ – May 27.

‘Erik ten Hag could hand Jurrien Timber ideal Man United shirt number with transfer decisions’ – May 28.

‘Pau Torres could get dream Manchester United shirt number after transfer on one condition’ – June 1.

‘Erik ten Hag could hand Christopher Nkunku ideal shirt number if Man United complete transfer’ – June 1.

‘Bruno Fernandes can finally grab dream Manchester United shirt number after departure’ – June 3.

‘Manchester United shirt number changes that could happen this summer’ – June 3.

‘Shirt numbers available at Manchester United for Jurrien Timber, Darwin Nunez & transfer targets’ – June 6.

‘Erik ten Hag could hand David Carmo dream Manchester United shirt number with transfer decision’ – June 6.

Is there anybody who alive who could not grab their dream Manchester United shirt number amid Manchester United interest? Apart from Mason Mount, of course.

Mediawatch