England ‘tepid’ in 3-0 win as media lauds Palmer but ignores Eze and Grealish

Editor F365
Jack Grealish, Ebereze Eze and Cole Palmer made a case for England.
Jack Grealish, Ebereze Eze and Cole Palmer made a case for England.

England’s Euro 2024 trophy celebrations are on hold after their reserve side only won 3-0, as Cole Palmer is over-lauded while others are ignored.


Bus stop, wet day, she’s there, I say
‘ENGLAND’S reserves gave boss Gareth Southgate a three-mendous Euros boost,’ writes Tom Barclay on the back page of The Sun. Nice. ‘Three-mendous’ is a lovely throwback tabloid pun which makes us feel a tad nostalgic for the days of England managers being re-imagined as root vegetables.

But we presume non-doubting Thomas was not sitting next to his colleague Charlie Wyett, because he really did not get the memo about a 3-0 warm-up victory with – at most – three of England’s first-choice XI being, well, not a bad result at all. And very largely irrelevant.

GOT your tickets booked to London for England’s open-top bus parade on July 15?

Maybe hold fire for a few weeks.

First, what an utterly ludicrous opening line. The idea that anybody would buy tickets for an open-top bus parade for a trophy which England have a roughly 20% chance (thanks Opta) of lifting – which may or may not be held the day after the final anyway – is just plain bizarre.

Second, England are no more or less likely to win Euro 2024 after beating Bosnia 3-0 than before.

It takes seven paragraphs for Wyett to gain some sense of perspective:

Obviously, it is ridiculously early to write off England’s chances of being victorious in Berlin on July 14.

No sh*t, Charlie.

👉 England Euro 2024 squad: Predicting the Unfortunate Seven to be cut in Southgate’s final 26
👉 England player ratings v Bosnia: Eze, Palmer, TAA and Grealish stake claim but Watkins struggles
👉 England man played ‘like a fly in a jar’ as Eze made his case v Bosnia


Palming off
Over at the Mirror, any despair at the England game largely passing without incident is masked by the usual pretence that actually, something controversial did happen. Or at least was said.

Cole Palmer sends Harry Kane penalty message as he makes Euro 2024 squad admission

That ‘Harry Kane penalty message’ in full:

“Of course he would’ve took it, it was just before he came on.”

So the ‘Harry Kane penalty message’ is that England penalty-taker Harry Kane would have taken the England penalty if he had been on the pitch. Now that’s dynamite.

And the ‘Euro 2024 squad admission’? Wait for it because this is explosive…

…he “hopes” he has done enough.

More as we/they get it.


Palm d’Or
Obviously, the giddiness about Cole Palmer is across the media, despite him – by his own actual ‘admission’ – not having the best of games.

‘Get ball to Cole – Palmer’s value to England laid bare’ is the headline atop the Telegraph football page.

Does somebody want to tell them that he’s not even in England’s first-choice XI?

And in the Independent:

Cole Palmer takes his biggest step yet but England’s other fringe players fail to fire

Eberechi Eze wants a word.


Eze does it
Ian Ladyman of the Daily Mail at least spotted that Eze was rather good at Newcastle on Monday night but he was definitely in the Charlie Wyett miserablist camp with this glass-half-empty column…

Ebere Eze’s dynamism and directness made him stand out for England on a night when too many played as though they didn’t believe they were really in Gareth Southgate’s plans, writes IAN LADYMAN

Ladyman barely mentions Jack Grealish – only as a wide option – while extolling the virtues of Eze. But he mostly just wants to write about England – packed full of players who are barely in Southgate’s plans – struggling to break down stubborn opponents.

He describes England as ‘tepid for long periods’ and notes that in the first half, ‘England played with all the energy and go-forward of a team emerging for pre-season rather than one supposed to be gearing up for what has been billed as one of the defining summers of their careers’.

They did still win 3-0, Ian. He does concede this, though:

It’s not always easy in these games. Bosnia were limited opposition, both in ability and outlook. It can be hard to impress when only one team has really come to play and engage.

Hmm. It’s almost like they chose Bosnia because they’re playing Serbia in the opening match of Euro 2024. Will it be okay if they win that one 3-0?


Boff with their heads
Back to Opta and MailOnline are here with their ‘revelations’:

Revealed: France and Germany are among the favourites to win Euro 2024 in Opta’s supercomputer predictions…but how far do the stats boffins think Gareth Southgate’s England will get?

Mediawatch will never not be amused by ‘stats boffins’ but well done for ‘revealing’ that the biggest favourites for Euro 2024 are indeed the biggest favourites for Euro 2024.

But what of England?

Gareth Southgate’s England side – following their 3-0 win over Bosnia-Herzegovina – will be one of the side’s hoping to make history and win the tournament this summer.

And their confidence will be boosted thanks to the work by stats boffins Opta, who have recently calculated their pre-tournament predictions through a supercomputer.

We’ll try and ignore that errant apostrophe (who needs subs anymore?) and instead focus on the idea that England might have been feeling a little bit meh – especially after only winning 3-0 – but will now be ‘boosted’ by the revelation that Opta have calculated that they have a roughly one-in-five chance of being victorious in Germany. Whoop.

According to the statistics, England are the favourites to win the competition – with a 19.9 per cent chance of clinching the title this summer.

The Three Lions also have the highest likelihood of reaching the quarter-finals (70 per cent), the semi-finals (48.2 per cent) and the final (31.1 per cent).

According to the bookmakers, England were already the favourites to win the competition. It’s almost like there is really no new information here to ‘reveal’. And we still don’t know how far the ‘stats boffins’ think England will get…largely because the stats boffins don’t think; they just calculate.