How did England win without Aaron Ramsdale or Jarrad Branthwaite?

Editor F365 15 Nov 2024 11:32 AM

Jordan Pickford excellent for England

England beat Greece 3-0 on Thursday night to really p*** off national newspaper men. WHERE WAS THOMAS TUCHEL? Probably at home, chaps.

England win scuppers the narrative
England won on Thursday night in Greece and the national newspaper journalists out in Athens could not be more annoyed; they’re not even hiding it.

‘NO permanent manager, no captain in the starting line-up and precious few senior players bothering to turn up,’ begins Dave Kidd’s piece in The Sun on an actual 3-0 win.

‘Why Tuchel wasn’t in the dug-out heaven alone knows, and why he wasn’t in the Greek capital to watch is also a mystery,’ he continues, entirely losing the meaning of the word ‘mystery’ as we absolutely do know why Tuchel wasn’t in Athens. It’s a pretty sh*t riddle; he’s not England manager yet.

And this might blow some old man minds: You can watch England on the TV or on the inter-web.

Oliver Holt of the Daily Mail had been particularly hyperbolic in the build-up, declaring that the absence of Thomas Tuchel constituted a ‘humiliating farce’.

It didn’t feel close to a ‘humiliating farce’ as England comfortably won 3-0 but Holt is sticking to his narrative/nonsense:

‘Tuchel, England’s new boss, did not think it worth attending, which is a shame because he would have been treated to an uplifting display of the youthful riches he is about to inherit.’

Pretty sure he could still watch, fella. Our sources tell us they do have Wi-Fi in Germany.

No Phil Foden, no Jack Grealish, no Declan Rice, no Bukayo Saka, no Cole Palmer, no Trent Alexander-Arnold, no Levi Colwill, no Aaron Ramsdale, no Jarrad Branthwaite.

No Thomas Tuchel, either.

And, as it turned out, no problem.

Want to hazard a guess how many of those players started England’s Euro 2024 semi-final win over the Netherlands in July? The answer is 3. Three whole players.

It took Holt seven paragraphs of a supposed match report to mention an England footballer that was actually on the pitch in Athens. Ever think you might have climbed the wrong high horse?

England player ratings: Bellingham back to his swaggering best in 3-0 win over Greece

The big question
‘England’s ready to make their next step, but where’s Tuchel?’ – ESPN.

Probably at home.

Telegraphing your objections
Jason Burt of the Daily Telegraph wasted many hundreds of words on Thursday explaining ‘why Thomas Tuchel’s ‘clean start’ could come back to haunt England’ so it must have been particularly galling to see England actually win on Thursday night.

‘This is not just media-bleating,’ says Burt, saying the quiet part out loud. ‘Harry Kane has voiced his frustration at the player withdrawals, suggesting some have been taking “advantage” of Tuchel not yet having taken the reins from interim England manager Lee Carsley. And Kane is the England captain. This is damaging.’

Nope.

Time is of the essence and with that, by the way, Tuchel would be well advised to be in attendance, in person, at Brentford’s home game against Arsenal which is the sole Premier League fixture on New Year’s Day.

Wow. We’re already putting pressure on Tuchel to be at a game in his very first day in the job. No New Year’s Eve drinks for you, Thomas.

So England will wait for the World Cup draw on December 13 and then have to work out: what next. Following that draw it is usually the role of the manager to talk about the countries England will face. But presumably, Tuchel, who will not start for another couple of weeks, will not do that. And neither will Carsley who is returning to his head coach role with the Under-21s. A minor detail but optically not great.

There’s a massive lack of awareness of what matters to literally anybody but national newspaper journalists here. Nobody gives a flying f*** what the England manager has to say after a World Cup qualifying draw.

Last time Gareth Southgate said “the nature of the draw is always seeds from different pots, so everybody will have that mix of different teams”; can we do without that? Mediawatch thinks we probably can.

The draw, held virtually in Switzerland because of Fifa’s apparently growing anathema to exposing itself to the accountability of holding press conferences (although it will say it is because of the logistics), could pit England in a group of four or group of five.

‘Logistics’ or ‘avoiding a massive carbon footprint’. Either or. You can’t take the Telegraph out of the man.

Men’s rights
Talking of Telegraph men:

Kelly Somers hosting Match of the Day would show BBC equality only goes one way

Oh do f*** off.

For whom the Bell tolls
Over to the Mirror, who never knowingly undersell a quote:

Jude Bellingham makes feelings clear on Harry Kane’s blast at England team-mates

And he ‘made his feelings clear’ by saying: “A lot was made of the lads that weren’t here, but I think the lads that did show up were amazing.”

Woah there. He really didn’t hold back…

Speaking volumes innit
Mediawatch admits to grinning our way through the footage of new Manchester United manager Ruben Amorim taking a tour of Old Trafford; he is annoyingly likeable.

But before the club released the videos, they posted some still images, including this one: