Early winners: Everton back to f***ing basics and b*llocks
In a battle of two pretty terrible teams, Everton showed they gave a sh*t.
Have you got the bollocks to play? That was the question asked by Everton manager Frank Lampard after a 4-0 demolition by Crystal Palace in the FA Cup and the answer after Premier League defeats to West Ham and Burnley was ‘actually, no’ but also ‘have you got the tactics to play?’ and ‘f***ing hell, this really is horrible and Everton really could get relegated’. The answer right now – after a victory that pulls them four points clear of relegation – might well be ‘actually, yes’ but also ‘it helps when you are playing a rank Manchester United side‘.
Make no mistake, this was a terrible, terrible football match blessed with very, very little attacking quality. That it was settled by a heavily deflected goal is absolutely apt. But the difference between these two rotten football teams was that Everton cared. They really, really cared. They worked ridiculously hard with limbs thrown in front of shots, heads put on lofted balls, feet launched into tackles and Jordan Pickford’s be-gloved hand flying over the heads of various hapless Manchester United players. If that’s how you show bollocks then Everton have gonads for days.
The charge was led by Fabian Delph, playing his first football of 2022 but picked for his sheer bloody-minded Yorshire-ness. This is the man who stood up in a Manchester City dressing-room after one defeat to United and said: “It’s just the basics of football. It’s simple. It’s straightforward. We stopped f***ing running in the second half. I’m not blaming anybody. I’m saying, it’s the basics of football. Winning our individual battles. Sticking together as a unit. F***ing defenders defending. Midfielders, box-to-box. F***ing keepers… Just the basics of football.”
Just the basics of football. That’s what Delph brought to Goodison Park on Saturday with a performance full of simplicity and energy. Winning individual battles? Absolutely. It helps when you are playing against mannequins but everything he did was exemplary. He won the ball, he passed the ball, he cleared the ball into the stands when that was needed. As he came off after 84 minutes, he was still pointing to his head in the universal language of football to say ‘keep yours’. They did. With every block, every tackle and every towering header, roared on by a Goodison Park crowd that could yet be their 12th, 13th and 14th men in the fight against relegation.
Ben Godfrey made 13 clearances, Allan made four tackles, Richarlison covered every blade of grass and then Demarai Gray came off the bench and flung himself selflessly into the path of a goal-bound shot because when there is such an obvious and overwhelming collective stance of ‘thou shalt not pass’, it is contagious. United could have had the ball for another two hours and still not scored. Some of that can be attributed to the putrid state of this famous old club in red but much can also be attributed to the back-to-basics, b*llocks out attitude of these Everton players.
Is it what Everton need going forward to establish themselves back among the middle tier of Premier League clubs? Absolutely not. But is it what they need to survive this season and remain in the top flight? God yes.
READ MORE: What next for Lampard if he manages to get Everton relegated?