F365’s guide to the transfer jargon: Hints, hijacks and u-turns

Will Ford

Transfer gossip can be improbable, impossible or inane – it doesn’t really matter. Whether it’s the false hope or the joyous absurdity, people lap that sh*t up. And it’s transparent sh*t 90 per cent of the time. This is a guide to the bollocks. A peek behind the curtain. An insight into the jargon we all use in the hope of pleasing the Google traffic overlords. Welcome to the inner circle…

 

‘Target’

Wolves target £55m Traore replacement from Sevilla

A stone-cold classic. Interchangeable with ‘eye’, ‘line up’ or ‘linked with’. The story might be tenuous, but there’s no smoke and mirrors.

 

‘Talks’

Gossip: Chelsea ‘step up’ interest in £50m star; Man Utd ‘talks’

Don’t get us started on ‘advanced talks’. Oh my.

 

‘Player x offered to club y’

Man Utd defender ‘offered’ to Milan with the Red Devils overloaded

This is a relatively new one. It simply means an agent contacted a load of intermediaries and executives, ‘club y’ was the biggest one involved, and so they’re in the headline.

 

‘Hints’

£80m-rated Rice hints at Chelsea return to play with Mount

Now Declan Rice saying he would love to play alongside actual best friend Mason Mount does ‘hint’ at a desire to play for Chelsea, sort of. But also not really.

What constitutes a hint? Anything ranging from old quotes taken entirely out of context to Instagram likes and that old favourite: participation in kit launch photo shoots.

 

‘Club x boost’

Gossip: Man Utd boost in £50m race; Koulibaly ‘deal agreed’

A ‘boost’ is a broad spectrum. It could be anything from a player not turning up to train for club x, to naming a family pet after a legend of club y, the club z pulling out of the race. It could also be an average chocolate bar at best.

 

‘Club x battle club y’

Man Utd to battle Chelsea for £100m Sir Alex favourite

What’s better than a story about Manchester United? A story about Manchester United and Chelsea. Yes, please, get all of the club names in there and pretend they will fight to the death for the approval of Commodus, instead of the signature of Gael Kakuta.

 

‘Hijack’

Gossip: Spurs ‘hijack’ Liverpool’s ‘push’ for £80m striker

Always a weird one: there’s no armed, balaclava wearing assailants, dragging a player from the back of a seized Range Rover and holding them hostage. It means club x are interested in a player that’s been more heavily linked to club y, and still remains far more likely to join club y.

A hint of a hijack? Pay dirt.

 

‘Close in’

Gossip: Huge boost as Man Utd close in on top target; Liverpool twist

There’s an important distinction between ‘closing in’ and ‘close’. Manchester United have been ‘closing in’ on Jadon Sancho for 18 months, but they never got ‘close’.

 

‘Alternative’

Man Utd given boost in their pursuit of Sancho alternative

How can we get the name of the player linked to club x that everyone is searching for, into the headline of a story about a player linked to club x that no-one is searching for?

And there’s that ‘boost’ again.

 

‘Replacement’

Dortmund eye Man Utd flop as Sancho replacement

How can we get the name of a former legend of club x everyone is searching for into the headline of a story about a player linked to club x that no-one is searching for?

‘Flop’ is also just excellent. Diego Forlan was simultaneously a Man Utd flop and a European Golden Shoe winner and World Cup top scorer by 2010. It can basically just mean you weren’t great at one particular club.

 

‘U-turn’

Manchester United in surprise U-turn over £35m Spurs target

Almost always preceded by ‘shock’ or ‘surprise’. Has there ever been an unsurprising or completely expected U-turn? Mind you, Paul Pogba has supposedly been driving up and down the same stretch of road for the last 18 months.

 

Duo, trio, quartet, quintet, sextet, septet…

Gossip: £62m septet could leave Spurs as £16m Benrahma eyed

Are you more likely to read a story about a duo or a septet? Thought so. Our partner site managed an octet and we salute them for it. That is the bar. But is it a nonad, a nonet or an ennead?

 

‘Gazump’

Gossip: Messi ‘more likely’ to leave; Man Utd to gazump Arsenal

Nothing untoward here. Words are fun, though, aren’t they? ‘Gazump’ might be the most transfer of them all. Imagine ever using ‘gazump’ in actual, real life. You don’t ‘gazump’ someone by beating them to the last loaf of bread, but you absolutely do by signing a highly-rated 16-year-old striker from the French lower leagues.

‘Gazump’. Ha ha. Honestly.

Will Ford is on Twitter

 

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