F365’s pre-season predictions: It’s half-time
Why wait until the end of the season to laugh at ourselves?
Who will win the league?
So nobody said Leicester. Interestingly, nobody said Manchester United either. Not even the Manchester United fan. Sarah Winterburn, Daniel Storey and Nick Miller all said Manchester City (though fickle Storey had originally talked about leaving City out of the top four altogether) and John Nicholson tipped Arsenal with little conviction, so they are all still looking relatively smug. Ian Watson and Matt Stead though? Chelsea? Shame on them. ‘Jose Mourinho is simply better equipped to win a Premier League than an Arsene Wenger or Manuel Pellegrini,’ wrote Stead. Silly boy.
And rest of the top four in order, please?
What a set of dullards. None of us tipped anybody outside of last season’s top four to finish in this season’s top four. Not even Liverpool, though Storey said: ‘Can I just say now that I really think Liverpool will be much better?’ You can say it; and you will look like an idiot.
Who’s going down?
Okay, so five out of six said Leicester. Oops. Only Winterburn avoided the Foxes and opted instead for Norwich, Bournemouth and Sunderland. Solid. That’s why she’s in charge.
Nicholson and Watson both added Watford to Leicester, but Stead – always Stead – must win some sort of award for this: ‘Watford are nailed-on favourites. Untested manager, bloated squad and Heurelho Gomes is a recipe for disaster. Ranieri’s Leicester has a touch of the ‘QPR’ about them, then it’s one of Villa, Bournemouth and Norwich. I’ll go Bournemouth.’
Who will be the best of the ‘rest’ (you can define ‘rest’ as you wish)?
Too many of us thought Southampton could pull off their ‘sell half your best players, be somehow better’ magic trick again, while Stead, Watson and Storey did not see Swansea’s collapse coming. Nicholson’s absurd love of Steve McClaren saw him romantically picking Newcastle to over-achieve, so Miller gets points for this: ‘Stoke will be pretty good, I reckon. Steady improvement continues. Their journey from hated cloggers to Barcelona B is one of the weirder, but nicer ones in the division.’ Leicester? Of course not – they’re as good as down.
Who will be top scorer?
The astonishing thing is that Storey did not say Romelu Lukaku. He said Sergio Aguero, as did Winterburn and Stead. The rest said Wayne Rooney. For f***’s sake.
First manager to leave their job?
Here’s where Stead partly redeems himself by saying Dick Advocaat. Points in the bag. Winterburn’s Quique Sanchez Flores shout is a stinker, as is Miller’s prediction that Claudio Ranieri and Slaven Bilic would fight for the ‘honour’. Nicholson saying Ranieri is ‘set to be a disaster’ (which he would probably quite like you to forget now) is rescued by his prediction that it would be ‘bye bye Brendan hello Mr Klopp’ at Liverpool.
Best signing of the season?
‘God I’ve got loads. I’m having three: Georginho Wijnaldum, Roberto Firmino and Jordy Clasie’ – Daniel Storey.
Winterburn might still be right about Raheem Sterling, while Miller and Nicholson did okay with Yohan Cabaye (though Nicholson loses points for throwing in Patrick Bamford) but Watson’s talk of Chistian Benteke being a ‘big success’ looks a tad stinky. Stead might have nailed it with ‘Alderweireld ties with Clyne’, though he should have stopped right there before mentioning Rudy Gestede.
Who is the best signing of the season though? Let’s pause for a poll:
[of_poll name=’Best signing of the season?’ id=’83864′]
And the worst?
‘Radamel Falcao. Even Jose can’t get three furlongs out of a dead horse’, said Winterburn. Boom.
Storey – never one to pick one name when he can have three – namechecked Angelo Ogbonna, Joselu and Jeremain Lens. Decent. Elsewhere, there are mentions for just about anybody at Liverpool, Aston Villa, Aleksandar Mitrovic and Fabian Delph.
Going continental temporarily, who will win the Champions League?
All you need to know is that nobody said an English club.
And, finally who would you most like to fail, and why?
Is Winterburn some kind of soothsayer (apart from that bit about Flores): ‘Not groundbreaking but Jose – he enjoyed an awful lot of luck last season and it would be tres amusing to see that run out.’
And here’s Storey: ‘Jose is a dreadful arse at times, and readers of this fair site claiming I love him makes me itch. I’d also really like Louis van Gaal to cock it, even though I quite like him. S**t United was a fun United.’
It’s fair to say that the fun is back.
