Vlahovic to Arsenal, defender for Liverpool among five deals we deserve at the end of a dire January

For being made to endure a truly miserable January transfer window, we reckon we deserve some action before the deadline. How about Arsenal moving for a striker while everyone else stands still?

There is no hiding it: this has been a dreadful transfer window. For many fair reasons, and perhaps we should be advocating for clubs reining in their whims and living within their means.

But, come on. Give us something. As deadline day approaches, we can’t even look forward to the prospect of at least one club being sucked in because even Chelsea seem to be operating sensibly. We much preferred it when Todd Boehly had lost his mind.

Surely we deserve… something. A deal out of nowhere, for a club to recognise that the time to move is when everyone else is standing still.

Here are five that we know won’t happen, but feel we deserve anyway…

Dusan Vlahovic to Arsenal
Arsenal need a goalscorer. And until they get one, it almost feels like it doesn’t matter whatever else Mikel Arteta does. Without a clinical striker, they are doomed to fall short in comparison to their title rivals.

The obvious problem is that plenty of clubs need goalscorers and there are not many around, certainly not for sale mid-season. The Gunners could go for Ivan Toney or Victor Osimhen but they would have to fork out nine figures.

Vlahovic would be cheaper. At the start of the window, the figure doing the rounds was around £50million. Which is less than Arsenal were prepared to pay when the Serbia striker pied the Gunners in favour of Juventus in 2021.

Juve might even have been open to a part-exchange deal. Regardless, this Arsenal side with a ruthless goalscorer leading the line would have spiced up the title race. Instead, they seem destined to finish in a cloud of City and Liverpool’s dust.

And he’s started 2024 with a bang.

Brian Brobbey to Manchester United
United need a striker too. Not because they are in the title race, but because they are pretending to be a serious club and they have one recognised centre-forward on their books. One. Anthony Martial doesn’t count, and the only other fella who might stand in is more interested in Belfast benders than cup ties in Newport.

Erik ten Hag is under severe pressure so God only knows what might happen if Rasmus Hojlund breaks down. To be fair, his team-mates have spent most of the season ignoring him so many of them might not notice, but for anyone at Old Trafford to look at their striker options and conclude ‘yeah, that’ll do’ highlights why they are in such a mess.

You can’t blame Ten Hag, while he’s copping flak from all sides, for sticking with what he knows. And that’s Ajax.

The United boss seems to have fancied bringing Brobbey with him ever since he left Amsterdam and this winter would have been the perfect time. The Netherlands striker has 13 goals in 18 Eredivisie games, despite Ajax being bobbins for much of the season.

Ivan Toney to Chelsea
Half of the Big Six seem content to take on the remainder of the season without sufficient striking options. Which is mental, especially in Chelsea’s case given the billion quid they have spaffed in the market since Boehly took over at the Bridge.

The Blues have plenty of attackers – Mauricio Pochettino has forwards to spare – but not a clinical goalscorer. The manager clearly does not see Armando Broja as the answer to his problems, but he also needs a patsy to pay big money so that the club can reinvest in a top-class striker.

Pochettino doesn’t have to look far to find one. Down the road at Brentford, Toney is gasping to make a big move.

It doesn’t matter that Toney has missed the season up until a week ago. His return showed how much of a game-changer he is for Brentford – and what he could offer Chelsea. Or Arsenal. Or Manchester United. Or even Tottenham.

Toney’s problem is his own absence. Brentford struggled without him to the point where they need him now to keep them away from a relegation fight. Unless Chelsea offer silly money.

Conor Gallagher to Tottenham
Selling Gallagher would be one way for Chelsea to raise a good chunk of cash needed to tempt Brentford. It seems that Tottenham just need to decide if they want to pay enough for the Blues to think selling their academy graduate is worthwhile.

That figure is said to be around £50million, which sounds ludicrous when you consider Pochettino didn’t much fancy the England midfielder early in the season. But Gallagher has made the most of the chances has been given and is now viewed as one of Pochettino’s most-trusted players.

Spurs are looking for an upgrade in central midfield, especially after being beset by injuries for much of the campaign so far, and we want to know if Gallagher can provide it. Surely he would thrive under Ange Postecoglou’s wing, with the Spurs’ manager’s faith and guidance, rather than remain at Chelsea, where the feeling persists that he’s more useful as a sellable asset and there only until they can get someone else.

Piero Hincapie to Liverpool
For Liverpool fans, nothing will soften the blow of Jurgen Klopp’s bombshell announcement last week, which came as manna from heaven for those of us staring down the barrel of a bleak, bleak January. But a shiny new signing might distract Reds from their grief…

And Liverpool could certainly use another centre-back if they are serious about giving Klopp the kind of send-off he deserves. Andrew Robertson is back, which frees up Joe Gomez to serve as further cover in the middle, but the Reds remain a knock or a knack away from trouble.

Hincapie seems to be the centre-back they crave. The Ecuador defender was a summer target but, as his agent claimed, Liverpool chose to invest in their midfield. Now would be an ideal time to show their back four some love with a possible Quadruple (of a sort) still on the line.

That said, even if Liverpool were prepared to pay the £50million necessary to tempt Leverkusen, they might feel more inclined to keep the Germans on side since it is quite likely they will be back for their manager in the summer. Hincapie might be minded to wait until then, especially with Leverkusen at the Bundesliga summit, but Liverpool still have an opportunity to reinforce a possible weakness now.

Read next: FFP and other reasons why January 2024 transfer window has been deathly quiet