Gary Neville takes joint first in Johnny’s top 10 football pundits list

John Nicholson is listening to a lot of radio and watching a lot of TV from his hospital bed and has been listing his favourite football pundits.

He couldn’t split his favourites and then didn’t want to lose one, so there’s actually 11. We will forgive him.

His top 10 football commentators list is here.

10) Alan Shearer
Gone are the days of the sh*t-eating grin and stating the obvious. These days the best striker England ever produced is an avuncular presence and is easy to like. Gets extra points for standing shoulder to shoulder with Gary Lineker over that MOTD right-wing garbage.

9) Micah Richards
A welcome bright light, his laughter comes easy and seems genuine. Some might feel the laughing and leg-squeezing is too much and gets in the way of analysis but it would be churlish to say laughter at the absurdities of football should not be allowed. His insight into the modern game is valuable even if he’s hot heard of Ronnie Corbett.

8) Chris Sutton
Has cut himself a media career by being argumentative to the point of eccentricity. He’s actually a very nice person and, let’s not forget, one of our best strikers. There are times when his oppositional mode is a welcome failure to buy the oft-accepted line. His cynicism likewise. Scottish TV work can be hilarious. Proof that you can cut this cake in many different ways.

7) Clinton Morrison
I only hear him on 5 Live but he also does Soccer Saturday. At a game, he’s quick to spot who is performing well and where weaknesses lie. On TV, he is less effective. At a game, his natural bonhomie comes through and you are certain of being entertained. It must be said, some find him very annoying – usually on telly.

6) Glenn Murray
For a muck and nettles striker, he’s surprisingly beta as a pundit. Works radio and TV. Better, as most are, on the radio. Looks in good enough nick to still be playing. Has the special insight being recently retired offers. Is thoughtful and doesn’t always follow the crowd. Great Cumbrian accent which sounds very similar to Teesside.

5) Michael Brown
I suspect the Hartlepool midfielder would get argumentative in a roomful of mirrors. You can hear him purr as a physical challenge is made. I like his unreconstructed argumentative nature; there’s nothing polite or withdrawn about him. One of 5 Live’s go-to men. Suspect he’d be a very loyal mate and would happily floor someone with a right-hander if needed.

4) Chris Waddle
Not a full time pundit. Works England games on the radio as well as games at St. James’ Park. Just an aural pleasure with an undiluted accent. Intolerant of modern habit of feigning injury or diving. Capable of being scornful like few others. Has a lot of credit in the bank for his old England rants delivered in an almost apoplectic rage. He was once the most expensive English player, you know.

3) Ian Wright
Does not do live work but is high on this list because of a second stage of life blossoming of social conscience. Deserves applause for standing in solidarity with Gary. Speaks very well on race matters. The humour is always close to the surface. We’d like to see him shouting the odds at a dumb Tory politician. His presence is indispensable and he seems like a very nice person. Wished me a speedy recovery. These things matter.

2) Roy Keane
It’s always hard to know where performative Roy starts and real Roy ends. The man is box office at his best when he perceives a lack of quality and effort. Can scowl professionally. But we suspect that underneath he’s alright; his work with Micah suggests so. Pundits come in all shapes and sizes with different roles. Roy’s is a uniquely hybrid role, which is part critic, part vibes man. We love to feel his existential pain, especially over Manchester United.

Doesn’t do detailed in-depth analysis. Leaves that to others. He’s there to tell us what players are feeling and if they’re any good or are not putting a shift in. There’s joy in his dark moods. Can look like an Old Testament prophet. Tells it like it is and if it isn’t, you wouldn’t correct him.

1=) Gary Neville
He redefined what it meant to be a pundit and remains the man to turn to for definitive analysis. Very much a broadsheet in a sensationalist tabloid world. You don’t have to agree with him but he commands respect. Worth having Sky for, he is a master of the giant iPad. Has plenty of attitude, which stops him being too nerdy. Clearly does loads of work and has maximum respect. Should he ever get restless he could walk into almost any job he wants. Not especially loveable, which makes his pre-eminent role even more remarkable.

1=) Pat Nevin
He’s never followed the traditional routes through football. He didn’t even have a burning desire to be a player, but what a player he was. This quirk of nature has pursued him into punditry. Regularly called on to bring intelligence to any debate, he co-comms a lot of games, describes what is happening beyond the lighted stage, sees what is going on and conveys it to us. Sounds easy but no one does it quite so effortlessly as Pat.

His football knowledge is exceptional, his appreciation of records on the 4AD label peerless. Because for all his football talents and knowledge, Pat has a hinterland. He isn’t one of the boys and he doesn’t live for the game and the game alone. All this adds to the richness of his contributions.

Time and again he’ll say something like “he wants to fill the defensive midfield gaps. I’d take off X and bring on Y” and just as he says this, the manager does it, so acute is his reading of the game. Even if he gets it wrong, he’s happy to say so. There’s an intellectual depth and honesty to his work and that’s before we discuss Cocteau Twins references.

Makes some of football’s less-than-cerebral contributors look inadequate. Some of the slower boys probably called him Professor because he reads books. In football’s notorious anti-intellectual culture, he stands alone as a shining light of thought.