The (now less unlikely) results that would see Chelsea relegated from the Premier League

‘It couldn’t happen, could it?’ we wrote a week ago. It’s less unlikely now. Chelsea still have 39 points after defeat to Brentford, and are now just ten points clear of the relegation zone with six games to play.

Having worked out a set of not-all-that-unlikely results that would see Chelsea relegated from the Premier League last week (shown in italics), we’ve amended them to reflect the worsening state of the Blues’ predicament. 

Here are the results of the teams in the relegation battle, in order of where they would finish…

11th) West Ham: 34 points to 43 points
Bournemouth (A) W, Liverpool (H) D, Crystal Palace (A) W, Man City (A) L, Man Utd (H) D, Brentford (A) D, Leeds (H) L, Leicester (A) W.

Bournemouth (A) 0-4, Liverpool (H) 1-2, Crystal Palace (A) W, Man City (A) L, Man Utd (H) D, Brentford (A) D, Leeds (H) D, Leicester (A) W.

Only “disrespectful” VAR stopped us being bang on the money, with Liverpool sneaking a win at the London Stadium. David Moyes will cut Europa League Conference partying short to ensure a trouncing of Leicester on the final day. Cue Declan Rice tears in a fond farewell.

12th) Bournemouth: 33 points to 43 points
West Ham (H) L, Southampton (A) W, Leeds (H) L, Chelsea (H) W, Crystal Palace (A) W, Man Utd (H) L, Everton (A) D.

West Ham (H) 0-4, Southampton (A) W, Leeds (H) L, Chelsea (H) W, Crystal Palace (A) W, Man Utd (H) L, Everton (A) D.

Chelsea old boy Dominic Solanke to score the winner at Stamford Bridge as Bournemouth’s striker-less opponents notch the highest xG in recorded history without scoring a goal. Gary O’Neil takes all the acclaim and the Tottenham job.

13th) Crystal Palace: 37 points to 43 points
Everton (H) L, Wolves (A) L, West Ham (H) L, Tottenham (A) W, Bournemouth (H) L, Fulham (A) W, Nottingham Forest (H) L.

Everton (H) 0-0, Wolves (A) 0-2, West Ham (H) L, Tottenham (A) W, Bournemouth (H) L, Fulham (A) W, Nottingham Forest (H) L.

A rotten run of defeats to benefit their relegation rivals (and us for the purposes of this article) will test Roy’s blood pressure, but big away wins at Spurs (where the home fans will have entirely turned on their own team) and Fulham (who will have nothing to play for) will be enough for them.

14th) Nottingham Forest: 30 points to 41 points
Liverpool (A) L, Brighton (H) W, Brentford (A) D, Southampton (H) W, Chelsea (A) W, Arsenal (H) D, Crystal Palace (H) W.

Liverpool (A) 2-3, Brighton (H) 3-1, Brentford (A) D, Southampton (H) W, Chelsea (A) W, Arsenal (H) D, Crystal Palace (H) W.

Spot on – defeat away at Liverpool, win at home against Brighton. And that three points against the Seagulls suggests they will indeed beat Southampton and Crystal Palace at fortress City Ground. Steve Cooper’s side will win just their second away game of the season at Stamford Bridge in that relegation six-pointer. Frank Lampard’s request to become player-manager, with Chelsea goalless in their last seven, will be denied by the Premier League before kick-off.

15th) Wolves: 37 points to 40 points
Leicester (A) W, Crystal Palace (H) W, Brighton (A) L, Aston Villa (A) W, Man Utd (A) D, Everton (H) L, Arsenal (A) L.

Leicester (A) 2-1, Crystal Palace (H) 2-0, Brighton (A) L, Aston Villa (A) W, Man Utd (A) D, Everton (H) L, Arsenal (A) L.

They’ll get thumped away at Brighton and Arsenal, who will need to win by an nine-goal margin on the final day to stand any chance of usurping Manchester City and get close against a Wolves side with the willies. But as it turns out, with Chelsea f***ing it entirely, Diego Costa’s winner at Villa Park is enough.

16th) Leeds: 30 points to 40 points
Fulham (A) D, Leicester (H) W, Bournemouth (A) W, Man City (A) L, Newcastle (H) L, West Ham (A) D, Tottenham (H) W.

Fulham (A) 1-2, Leicester (H) 1-1, Bournemouth (A) W, Man City (A) L, Newcastle (H) D, West Ham (A) W, Tottenham (H) W.

We know what you’re thinking – this is quite the run of results for quite a sh*t Leeds team. And if anything is going to save Chelsea (because it certainly doesn’t look as though they’re going to do it themselves) it will be Leeds failing to get ten points from their last five games.

17th) Everton: 28 points to 39 points
Crystal Palace (A) W, Newcastle (H) W, Leicester (A) W, Brighton (A) D, Man City (H) L, Wolves (A) W, Bournemouth (H) D.

Crystal Palace (A) 0-0, Newcastle (H) W, Leicester (A) W, Brighton (A) D, Man City (H) L, Wolves (A) W, Bournemouth (H) D.

Dominic Calvert-Lewin to start scoring. The Everton players are booed off at half-time on the final day as they’re behind against Bournemouth, but those boos turn to cheers at the final whistle as a draw ensures their top-flight status on goal difference after chaos at Stamford Bridge.

18th) Chelsea: 39 points to 39 points
Brentford (H) D, Arsenal (A) L, Bournemouth (A) L, Nottingham Forest (H) L, Manchester City (A) L, Man Utd (A) L, Newcastle (H) L.

Brentford (H) 0-2, Arsenal (A) L, Bournemouth (A) L, Nottingham Forest (H) L, Manchester City (A) L, Man Utd (A) L, Newcastle (H) L.

Pointless in their last eight, Chelsea need a win on the final day to be sure of Premier League survival.

Mason Mount, handed his first start since mid-February, scores a cracker early in the second half to ease concerns, but Lampard rings the changes on the hour mark in an attempt to shut up shop and panic sets in as Newcastle pile on the pressure. A goal each for Alexander Isak and Callum Wilson in stoppage time condemns Chelsea to the Championship, at which point they beg Mount to stay amid an exodus and he tells them to f*** right off. Lampard stays, though. Every cloud.