A summer without a major international tournament is a difficult one for football news websites. Combine that with the fact that a) it is a Sunday, and b) the transfer window still hasn’t opened, and that makes for some rather desperate headlines.
Thankfully for many outlets, footballers are real human people, and real human people often go on holidays, particularly when they are not at work.
* Which brings us to our first headline of five ridiculous ones from far more successful websites. Step up, the Daily Mail:
‘Arsenal star Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain sits on a hammock’
Wonderful work. This story also includes updates what Wojciech Szczesny, Philippe Coutinho, Dele Alli are up to this summer. Or, as one Mail staffer calls it: ‘the period in between the end of the previous campaign and the beginning of pre-season.’ There is a word for it, guys.
* We do not have to venture far for our second headline. The Daily Mail exceed themselves with this offering:
‘Michael Carrick’s wife Lisa displays her enviable curves in sizzling bandeau bikini as she sports black bandage tape on her back following injury during Barbados trip’
Objectifying a woman? Check. Discussing her fashion choices? Check. The slightest link to a footballer to pretend it is a relevant story? Check. A headline of 26 words? Check.
* Completing the hat-trick of ‘footballer goes on holiday’ is this:
‘Leicester City ace Jamie Vardy rubs sun tan lotion on wife Rebekah Vardy during couple’s romantic Dubai holiday’
Why yes, it is The Sun. Why yes, it is an exclusive. Why yes, it is bloody terrible. Wouldn’t it be nice if sun tan lotion blocked out not only the sun, but The Sun?
* British outlets are understandably excited that Manchester United might be signing Alvaro Morata. Why? Because he has a significant other, and the Daily Star have noticed:
‘Alvaro Morata wedding: Man Utd target marries gorgeous WAG Alice Campello in Venice’
Of course there is a 20-image gallery of Alvaro Morata and his ‘gorgeous WAG’. Eurgh.
* Finally, you might have noticed that the Premier League season ended on May 21, and the next campaign commences on August 12. That is a full 54 days away.
TalkSPORT believe that to be far too long to wait, and so they have published a predicted 2017/18 Premier League table after five games, as estimated by, of course, a ‘Super Computer’.
‘Premier League 2017/18: Super Computer predicts table after five games of new season’
The transfer window hasn’t even officially opened yet. Eight clubs haven’t agreed deals with any new signings. Stop this.