Gareth Bale ‘arriving at Man Utd’ just as Casemiro has an ‘offer’ to leave?

Editor F365
Casemiro and Gareth Bale not at Manchester United

We look at the Man Utd guff in the media so you don’t have to; first, let’s watch as Neil Custis discovers the meaning of substitutes.

 

Sub standard
‘ERIK TEN HAG has not got much wrong since he came to Manchester United,’ begins Neil Custis’ match report from Old Trafford in The Sun. There was that 7-0 thwacking by Liverpool but let’s not linger too long on that.

‘This was another matter.

‘With his team in charge he made four unforced substitutions during the second-half.

‘The players who came on, bar Christian Eriksen, were simply not as good as those who went off.’

Hello Neil and welcome to the concept of substitutions (which Ten Hag has since explained, by the way). Next lesson: Hyphens.

 

Buffalo stance
One man not substituted on Thursday night is Casemiro. Manchester United fans love him, which is exactly why there is mileage in pretending he might leave.

From the Express website:

‘Transfer news LIVE: Casemiro stance on offer, Klopp’s Bellingham reply, Chelsea to sell 5’

An ‘offer’ you say? Tell us about this ‘offer’.

‘Casemiro is reportedly ‘happy’ at Man Utd despite links with an early exit from Old Trafford.

‘Brazil team-mate Danilo recently revealed he would love to have the midfielder at Juventus amid speculation Casemiro could leave United after just a year.

‘But according to the former Real Madrid star’s agent, Oscar Ribot, Casemiro is ‘happy’ at United.’

What sodding links? We have heard literally no such links. And no such speculation. Zero. Zilch. None.

We are clicking through to read more because that is our literal job.

‘Casemiro’s stance on Man Utd exit as Brazil team-mate tries to orchestrate transfer’

‘Orchestrate’ is a pretty strong word to describe Danilo saying exactly this: “I’d love to have Casemiro. He’d be at home here.”

But it must have created waves if his agent has been moved to say he is ‘happy’ at Manchester United?

Well no, because he never said anything of the sort; Casemiro himself said he was “happy” at Manchester United in January and what his agent has said this week is some lovely but completely unconnected things about the midfielder’s drive and interest in the game.

In short, there has been no ‘offer’ and no ‘stance’ on that non-existent offer. Other than those small details, it’s a job incredibly well done.

 

Bale in?
Mediawatch smiles every single time we see the job title ‘Sports Agenda Editor’. And there really is no more apt appointment to that role than Jake Polden, the Mirror’s click-master general.

But even for Polden, this story – the most-read over the last couple of days on the Mirror Football website – must be pretty damned close to what is deemed acceptable.

‘Gareth Bale’s reaction when arriving at Man Utd training ground spoke volumes’ is cleverly accompanied by one of those ‘man drives car into training ground’ pictures which makes it look like Bale has actually arrived at Manchester United’s training ground.

He hasn’t. Of course he sodding hasn’t.

In reality, it’s a right load of utter guff about how Bale was constantly linked with Manchester United throughout his career – though in reality, the rumours peaked in 2013, a whole 10 years ago – and circuitously, we eventually arrive at Bale making an appearance at the Manchester United training ground.

‘The closest Bale came to Man United, interestingly, was back in March 2019 when the Wales squad were invited to train at the Red Devils’ Carrington training complex.’

‘Interestingly’? Or absolutely, utterly, spirit-crushingly ‘irrelevantly’?

‘Bale and his international teammates were preparing for a friendly with Trinidad and Tobago before a Euro 2020 qualifying match against Slovakia.

‘The Wales team were based in Manchester ahead of the first match at Wrexham’s Racecourse Ground.

‘The winger was at the time strongly linked with a move to United and looked both delighted and very much at home while on the club’s training ground.’

First, ‘while on the club’s training ground’ is not the same thing as ‘when arriving at Man Utd training ground’. And second, and most importantly, what a load of absolute bollocks.

The one image the Mirror have from those training sessions is of Bale looking happy with his Welsh teammates and presumably friends Harry Wilson and Ben Davies. Does their reaction also ‘speak volumes’?

We really should stop being so shocked by such utter drivel in the pursuit of clicks but pretending that Bale has arrived at Manchester United’s training ground before revealing that he simply smiled there four years ago could be a new low if we weren’t already lower than a bore-hole.

 

So near and yet so far
MailOnline have already moved on from Manchester United with this their big story at 10.30am on Friday:

‘Wesley Fofana is caught out while READING, Reece James isn’t facing play to leave Vinicius free and Kepa concedes at his near post: Chelsea fans fume over new footage of their dire defending at Real Madrid’

It was pretty shite defending, but you can’t concede at your ‘near post’ when the shot comes pretty centrally from the edge of the box.

 

The hateful EIGHT
Talking of Chelsea, Mirror man John Cross brings talk of a clear-out this summer, with somebody doing some nifty counting to get to this headline:

‘Nine Chelsea players face axe this summer as Liverpool’s attraction to Mason Mount grows’

Obviously the vast majority of the players are not actually Chelsea players in the sense that they are currently playing any significant role for Chelsea, but the most ludicrous name on the list is on-loan striker Romelu Lukaku, leaving Mediawatch to wonder why Tiemoué Bakayoko, Ethan Ampadu or even Baba Rahmann did not merit a mention on this ‘axe’ list.

The Mail‘s chop-and-shop man was wise enough to remove the loaned Lukaku from the list and added some trademark capital letters…

‘Chelsea ‘prepare a EIGHT-MAN fire sale for the summer with Mason Mount, Mateo Kovacic and N’Golo Kante’s futures all uncertain’ as Todd Boehly bids to cut costs with no European football next season’

…but forgot some basic grammar. You simply can’t get everything right.