Gareth Southgate embarrassed by ChatGPT as England ‘conserve energy’ ahead of ‘secret weapon’

Gareth Southgate has got to go after ChatGPT shows him how it’s done, or are England in fact just ‘conserving energy’ before releasing their ‘secret weapon’?

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England ‘conserving energy’
Whoah, whoah, whoah. Sack Southgate mid-tournament?? Are you people quite mad?

There aren’t five reasons to be positive – there’s one. Gareth’s playing 4-D chess while we’re all here playing noughts and crosses.

When I was at school, my mates and I had a philosophy that if an exam pass-mark was 50%, then getting 51% meant you’d done 1% too much work, when you could have otherwise been playing football at the park or round at Dan’s mum’s house playing Goldeneye on his N64. That’s what England have done against Denmark and Serbia – not the Dan’s mum’s house thing; they’ve gone out to do the absolute minimum requirement. Narrow, energy-conserving one-nil victory in an opener, virtually guaranteeing progression to the next ground. Low-stress draw against the group second seeds, which both sides would undoubtedly have taken at kickoff (not quite Disgrace of Dijon, but neither side seemed particularly keen to go through the gears in desperate search of victory).

Denmark are no mugs. Although far from a perfect metric, they’re 19th in FIFA’s world rankings, making them 11th highest ranked UEFA member. France stuttered without MmmBop yesterday and, while I’m not suggesting Luke Shaw is anywhere near the same calibre of player, the absence felt by the lack of a natural left back has arguably as much impact on the overall team shape and performance. Should England, at their best, be beating the Danes? Yes. Does it matter one iota in the grand scheme of Euro 2024 if they draw? Absolutely not. England are comfortably through to the second round and only have to beat 57th ranked Slovenia to guarantee top spot. Will that match be crap? Probably. Does that matter? Not at all. Do I ask a too many rhetorical questions? Possibly.

The tournament winners have to play 7 games in four weeks. Would you rather “lethargic” opening performances before coming to life in the latter stages or for the English lads to burn themselves out,  battering their two earliest opponents five-nil and then slump out in the first knockout game because they’re dead on their feet? We’ve all seen teams do it at major tournaments before.

I’ve become more convinced about this by the massive oversharing in the recent interviews from usually tight-lipped Southgate. Admitting to “experiments” and “limitations with physical condition”. When have you ever heard him talk like that before? It’s all part of the plan. My boy Southgate is hustling and we’re all getting sucked right in by the grift. I can almost hear Gareth walking out of that presser and whispering to Steve Holland “I can’t believe it – they’re lapping it all up”.

Ballon D’Or contender Bellingham and European Golden shoe winner (or one-season wonder, depending on your point of view), Kane, haven’t gone to shit overnight. We’ve got top drawer players – Rice, Saka, Stones, Walker, Foden (apologies for my totally unfair and unjustified criticism of him in previous mail; I was having a bad day. The lad’s absolutely mint) – and they can all step it up at least another level or two. And I’m convinced they will.

The non-appearance of soon-to-be-national-hero Cole Palmer can only possibly be attributed to him being kept back as some sort of secret weapon. I’m not even convinced Luke Shaw’s injured – it’s just part of an elaborate ploy to lull the rest of the teams in the tournament into a false sense of security by thinking they’ll only have Trippier to deal with. Okay, maybe these last two are a bit of a stretch.

But Southgate’s smart. Smarter than Koeman, smarter than Spalletti, smarter than de la Fuente, smarter than Nagelsmann, smarter than Deschamps. He’s not going to show his whole hand early and give those guys time to figure out how to play against peak England. You mark my words… It’s coming home.
Chris Bridgeman, Kingston upon Thames

Don’t get involved, Gareth
After 8 years of Southgate Sufferball maybe there’s an upside as we go into the final group game and things can only improve?For a start, the England team now almost selects itself as Henderson, Phillips, Mount, Sterling, Rashford, Maguire, Grealish, Maddison – and now TAA – have all self-immolated.
The formation also self-selects – no more 3-5-2, no more double pivot of death…going forward, it will be a 4-2-3-1 with actual progressive midfielders playing in midfield.
There are still issues, notably Trippier, and Gallagher as a starter (70 minutes, run around, kick people, pick up yellow cards substitute is his more natural position).
But…with a settled defence, an actual midfield, and a vast array of options up front, even Southgate might have trouble stuffing this up.
In fact, the less he gets involved, particularly during the game, the better (not turning up and letting the team self-manage would be ideal).
Walker, Stones, Rice, etc all know perfectly well how to transition out of defence – they do it every day of the week – and our offence surely knows how to attack and score goals against even the most stubborn defence.

Let ’em ride Gareth, ‘Arry Redknapp style…and we’ll be bringing it home in no time!!
Matthew (ITFC)

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ChatGPT tactics
I asked ChatGPT the following questions and here are the responses:

4o
What players should start for England and in what formation? Keep it brief.

ChatGPT
Formation: 4-3-3

Goalkeeper:
Jordan Pickford: Reliable and experienced choice for the starting goalkeeper.

Defense:
Right-back: Kyle Walker: Offers pace and defensive stability.
Center-backs: John Stones and Marc Guehi: Stones’ experience paired with Guehi’s reliability.
Left-back: Kieran Trippier: Provides defensive solidity and set-piece skills in Shaw’s absence.

Midfield:
Defensive Midfielder: Declan Rice: Key for breaking up play and shielding the defense.
Central Midfielder: Jude Bellingham: Dynamic presence, capable of driving the team forward.
Attacking Midfielder: Phil Foden: Creative and able to exploit spaces.

Attack:
Right Wing: Bukayo Saka: Consistently a threat with his pace and ability to cut inside.
Center Forward: Harry Kane (Captain): England’s main goal scorer and leader.
Left Wing: Eberechi Eze: Offers flair and creativity, giving a different attacking dimension.

This lineup combines experience and youthful energy, providing a solid defense, a dynamic midfield, and a versatile attack capable of adapting to various in-game scenarios​.

4o
What tactics should they use that plays to their strengths? Keep it brief.

ChatGPT
Tactics for England:

High Press:
Utilize the energy and pace of players like Saka, Foden, and Bellingham to press high and force errors from the opposition defense.

Quick Transitions:
Take advantage of quick transitions from defense to attack, using the passing abilities of Rice and the dribbling skills of Foden and Eze to exploit spaces.

Wide Play:
Use the width provided by Saka and Eze to stretch the opposition defense, allowing Kane to operate effectively in central areas.

Overlap and Cross:
Encourage full-backs Walker and Trippier to overlap and deliver crosses into the box for Kane, utilizing his aerial prowess.

Dynamic Midfield Movement:
Allow Bellingham and Foden the freedom to move between lines, creating unpredictability and additional goal-scoring opportunities.
These tactics leverage the strengths of England’s key players, promoting an aggressive, fast-paced style that can overwhelm opponents​.

I doubt there would be too many England fans who would disagree that this is the best way to get England playing well. In fact I would argue that England don’t need a manager at all. The clubs keep the players in condition and tactically aware. All the England manager has to do, is pick the teams and set the tactics and I would ague that AI would do a much better job of this than any ‘English’ manager.
Seamus, Sweden.

Picking the last four
A mugs game it is ! Trying to pick the unusual side to make the last four of a tournament.
Anyway , I am bored of reading all the cavalier suggestions for Sir Gareth , just wait for the performance art that will be the same eleven against slippery-slovenia . Then the tsunami of apoplexy as we top our group-
Remember England beat Spain in last summer’s final eh .
So, looking at the four quarters of the draw and the  foolish presumption of the big boys doing their thing .
It looks to me like :- France , Italy , Portugal and either Spain or Duetchland in this summer’s semis . The only imposter that I can view on the horizon is Austria / East-reich .
I’ve already predicted Austria as our  ‘first decent side will knock us out’ dogma filler . Go wreck my prediction Ralph !
But,  if by some witchcraft and Luke Shaw on the left with Gordón , England get through the first knock-out round , then it may be possible vendettas versus Italy in the quarters .
Are we better than Italy ? No , but once the midfield falls into place ( probably under Potter in 2026 ) then some unlucky red card for Italy and nail biting pens , more dollops of luck … okay I am properly daydreaming now – it’s fahquin’ ‘ot ‘ere,
then onto a semi versus the mighty France .

More vengeance . Perhaps we could battle them on an oil rig style pitch in Trafalgar wearing the grey kit that Gareth sported in ‘96 so as to blend into the horizon – small margins is a thing these days .
With the rízzla thin gap between Duetchland and Spain on the ‘other side of the draw’ either of those look ‘most likely ‘ to play Portugal, unless Hollandaise raise their game under Ronald .
Taking all that into consideration I deduce that it’ll be an all european semi final line up .

Given the delight of youth across some teams one would hope that Mister G. Potter follows that lead and we have greater expectations in 2026 .
Or are the FA mature enough to consider a Spanish/ Catalan /Basque  coach for England’s glorious youthful future ?
And will  City buy España’s wonderboy ? Pep knows they need the cash . One and a half billion bucks ought to clear it .
Peter. ( Luis of the Fountain is fondly regarded here , he’d be the equivalent of Lee Carsely) Andalucia .

‘Pathetic’ England need Maddison and Grealish
The whole squad is missing MADDISON and GREALISH, both should be first names to be in Germany.If GREALISH is none effective for 89 minutes, he has the skill to score out of nothing or provide passes for others to score.
Maddison has wonderful game experience and vision.
Southgate out, for dropping these two great players.
He deserves everything that’s coming his way!
England were pathetic!
His teams for the first two games have not delivered even with the so called ‘BIG GUNS’
Martin Green

In spite of Southgate
I agree with so many of the comments from fans.Why do mostly our premiership stars in other team get played in similar roles for their country. Yet Southgate despite playing average in his career thinks he can in a few days put all our fantastic players in new roles. Harry can may score a goal but is not fit enough. Forden should replace him. Cole Palmer is arrogant at times but give him a try. Saka gets bullied of the ball to often.
But most of all get rid of Southgate all I ever hear is we did this or we did that. It’s his responsibility to sort the team which he clearly can’t do. Any other manager would be screaming at their team.
But for the players keep up your pride and believe despite having a very poor manager
Andrew

The next Henderson?
All Southgate is doing is looking for the next Jordan Henderson and I can tell him right now it’s not TAA. All Armstrong has succeeded in doing is getting into everyone’s way, especially John Stones moving into midfield. Why does he not play Bellingham and Foden as old fashioned number 8 & 10’s behind the front 3 , box to box. And get a proper left winger on , he’s got 2 of them in Eze and Gordon.
Oh and drop Kane, he needs a kick up the arse

Thanks for letting me let off steam
Ian McDonald 

Square pegs
Being Gareth Southgate can’t be easy. He has however, made his job worse by believing that it is his job to cram all the superstars into a starting eleven.

What is actually required is cohesion. This means playing those without the title of superstar but are going to run hard all game (or for at least the time their on the pitch). Bellingham is not our darling he is a player that has the ability to follow instructions, albeit it doesn’t appear he’s doing this. Rice has been mediocre at best. Foden hasn’t been provided the platform to shine. I fear the wrong horse is being backed (Bellingham).

4-3-3. The back four are not the problem, keep them as is. Pickford is our second most consistent player after Geuhi. The midfield should be Gordon, Wharton and Saka. The attackers should be Palmer Watkins and Foden. Give those who aren’t tired, aren’t conflicted by the pressure or the instructions a chance to shine and show Europe we are deserving champions.
Rob Potts