Harry Kane ‘wandering around like a granny at a car boot’; is Southgate ‘trolling’ us?

Editor F365
England striker Harry Kane
Harry Kane during the 0-0 draw with Slovenia.

England, Harry Kane and Gareth Southgate all get a pasting after that 0-0 draw with Slovenia. This is like Brexit all over again.

Send your views on England and what happens next to theeditor@football365.com


In my opinion, the issue isn’t England but international football. It’s rubbish.

My friend just messaged me to say it’s like watching ‘tree racing’ and he isn’t wrong.

Watching internationals is not fun, but an obligation.

Bring on the EPL, or The Championship, or Five Guys FC on YouTube, or FIFIA on Twitch.

Anything else but this dirge.


…My wife fell asleep about 30minutes into the England game and I’m so jealous. What a boring waste of everyone’s time.


…1. England are boring
2. England are boring
3. England are boring
4. I’m not doing 16 of these, watching us was bad enough.
5. Is there a single England player who can be happy with his performance?
6. Southgate out.
John, Chicago


…The year is 2024. Authorities are worried football is a bit boring, so they introduce a new rule: a football game cannot end 0-0. If it’s 0-0 at full time, the game continues until someone scores.

Cut to the year 2042: England vs Slovenia is still being played. England, fearing coming too close to the opposition penalty area, continue to pass sideways and backwards.

Authorities panic, and send the game to a penalty shootout. Slovenia win 3-0, as England pass all their penalties sideways and backwards.

Honestly, what’s the point? Like, what was the point in that 90 minutes? Is there a name for when you make a team less than the sum of its parts?
Robert Welbourn

👉 16 Conclusions as England win Group C despite themselves: what does Southgate do now?
👉 England player ratings v Slovenia: Bellingham awful, Foden tries, hopeless Gallagher’s Euro 2024 done
👉 England Euro 2024 knockout path: With Group C top spot triumphantly secured, what happens next?


Brexit vibes
All the pundits banging on about how we achieved what we set out to achieve by qualifying for the knockouts is like the Tories getting excited about eventually achieving Brexit. Sure, they did it, but it was slow, tedious and massively wasteful of resources. Here’s hoping life in the knockouts is better than life out of the Union…
Jerome, Bristol Spur


Having a laugh. Gareth?
He’s just trolling us now, isn’t he?



Southgate out
Same old, same old.

No creativity.
No risk
Nothing too excite.

Pay him off…they don’t need him.
George Davies


It’s coming…home?
​Oh god. Kane described it as their best performance.

That they grew into the game.

That the subs made a difference.

It’s Slovenia. And they all played horribly.

Apparently though according to Mr Kane is that we should ‘enjoy it’.

Sorry, but I sure as s**t won’t. It’s not one bad game is it. Its 3 bad games at the tournament and 2 truly embarrassing ones in friendlies.
Will (England lucky if they beat a poor Netherlands team)


…​First thing Harry Kane said in post match interview: “We came up against a good team”.

The gaslighting from the manager and these players has been a personal highlight of these Euros. While teams like Spain, Portugal make light work of considerably tougher opponents, England have really taken to toiling against tiny nations and then waffling about how hard tournament football is.

Yes lads. When the tactics and performances are crap, it does make tournament football hard.

Well done on winning an exceptionally tough group against Slovenia (population 2 million), Serbia (population 7 million), and Denmark (population 6 million).


Can we all agree…
That, presently, Mainoo is a far better option than either Gallagher or Arnold? May well become a baller or fade in the future. Should start the next England match though.

That Cole Palmer is going to be an absolute baller (I don’t like to say ‘I told you so’, but hey). Needs to start the next match.



Marginal gains?
I was stunned when Southgate announced the same team, with the exception being Gallagher for TAA. Just wondering what or how Southgate and his cronies watch these games. Clearly no zip in that group, passing sideways and back, not making space, missing passes, etc. And the first half was even more woeful than the previous two games.

Then, after bringing in Mainoo and, more so, Palmer, it’s amazing how much better they started playing. More energy, movement, movement forward and chances created. They didn’t score but at least that was positive.

I heard one ex-player pundit say the fans getting ‘against’ the team could be seen in Rice and Gallagher’s reaction in not wanting to take the ball. And that he’d been there himself. In that case, put your hand up and say I don’t want to play, for goodness sake! Play the guys who clearly do – Palmer, Mainoo, Bowen and Gordon want to play. The pressing and movement improved dramatically with Mainoo on, and the inventiveness and positioning took another notch with Palmer. And Bowen showed how much he can inject into the game too.

Sir Kane of Totteringham and Baron of Munchen is the last spokesperson right now for this team, talking about wanting it and it going to plan. Really? What was the plan? He sounds more like a Conservative candidate now than a football player. Sure, you got through, but only because it was an easier group than, say, Spain’s.

Kane looks like he’s only half interested on the field. Always a step behind, not in the spaces needed when those creating (Foden, Bellingham, Palmer, etc,) are finally moving the ball quickly. I am sure it is not his intent. I don’t think he is trying not to play or that he really is only half interested. But that is how it looks. If he’s not fully fit or he needs a break, give it to him or force it on him.

When I wrote in before about Woodward’s 1% and the idea of eking out every advantage, and the irony of doing that while picking a player who is clearly underperforming, I now think Southgate’s version of marginal gains is to get your team to play so badly in the first half, that any slight improvement is seen as a marginal gain.

England has been given another golden opportunity of the easier half of the draw after topping the group. But Southgate needs to give the players willing to take a chance, give it a real effort, their opportunity – and not a few minutes near the end.
Paul McDevitt


…Pre-match thoughts: feck. A single and the least inspiring change possible, exactly as we expected.

Prediction: a late goal to secure a 1-0. Scored by a sub.

First half thoughts: Slow and ponderous attacking, loose passing, occasional fleeting glimpses from Foden, but only him. Our press is hilariously poor. Theirs is effective. Depressing.

Pretty much only excitement has come via Foden. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t want to beat his man on the wing. It’s not his game. Nice free kick.

Seems like Bellingham has been instructed to switch with Kane. Odd. Why not use Palmer if that’s your plan, and let Bellingham sit deeper instead of fly #1?

What is the point in Kane when he plays deep? He’s just wandering around like a granny at a car boot sale, getting in people’s way or hiding behind defenders.

Please make changes. Please! For the love of football, you grim-faced succubus.

Second half thoughts: OMG, Mainoo on! Don’t let me down lad!

His introduction seemed to act like a dynamo or maybe a chaos element of his movement, but definitely some sort of spark. And we’ve not had to defend as much. Who knew? It’s even woken the fans. Hell, it’s even woken Kane! Suddenly it’s a fluid attack.

Still struggled for lack of pace though, although Saka kept trying.

Palmer comes on with 20m to impress (it won’t matter lol). Taking on his man on left and right. Lovely linking up with Mainoo for a perfect cut back to… absolutely no one in acres of space in the penalty area. *Facepalm* These two seem to be immediately on the same wavelength though. And Bellingham got involved too.

So much Slovenian play acting, you can see they’re more rattled now.

Trent on for 8 minutes at right back. Gordon on for 3…

…but he manages one attempted run at his man, and then a sublime long pass up to Mainoo, who touches it beautifully to Kane, who instead invites Palmer to shoot but probably should have taken it himself. Trent manages a few decent passes and a long shot off target.

Summary: In the end, some positives. Kind of.

Mainoo in midfield made a huge difference; his movement and ability to find space just sparked the team. Palmer also looked very lively, with some lovely darting and passing, although Saka did much the same. That’s how you use a substitute, though.

Foden did some lovely stuff throughout.

Gordon was what we expected, lively and that pass late on was a gem. With more time, maybe something could happen!

Defence was dodgy in first half; that’s why we don’t want to invite pressure.

Kane was mostly pointless. Just play an actual striker, or even Palmer as a false 9 as he’s hungry, mobile and a lot faster.

👉 16 Conclusions as England win Group C despite themselves: what does Southgate do now?
👉 England player ratings v Slovenia: Bellingham awful, Foden tries, hopeless Gallagher’s Euro 2024 done
👉 England Euro 2024 knockout path: With Group C top spot triumphantly secured, what happens next?


Is Southgate playing poker?
While it’s stingy to send on Gordon at the 89th minute, I do hope it’s a preview of the Round of 16 match intent to bring on Gordon and Palmer, but perhaps at the 70 minute mark next time. The older players are getting a little worn and some like Kane are a little slow to the strike. Trippier did a decent left full back shift with that cross to the far post… and Kane is just too slow.

The only benefit to keeping back runners like Gordon for the third match is that opponents can’t quite see how England will play with those winger/dribblers in it. The most charitable interpretation of bringing on Palmer or Gordon so late in the match, is that Southgate is not tipping his hand too soon! Tip his hand he will have to do though. Kane is a spent card and fresh trumps are needed so good chances are properly seized.


Would you prefer to be Scottish or French?
That’s about the only positive we can take from the Group Stage.

Topped the most underwhelming Group in the tournament, the draw may have opened up for us. Russia ‘18 vibes without the positive performances thus far.

I got back from Cologne on Sunday and must say the Scots were everywhere, even in Düsseldorf where I watched the Ukraine v Slovakia match; they were brilliant as were all of the other fans from many other nations we spoke to out there but they did stand out. I only wish I felt I could have worn an England shirt the whole time with the same confidence that I wouldn’t have been labelled as a twat but from what I have read and seen the England fans have been very well behaved so time will heal all wounds hopefully!

I’d still like to see Wharton start but think that boat has sailed having not appeared so far. I am sad to say I’m swaying towards the Southgate out camp now. I read somewhere that the unreplacable Phillips had played only 5 International matches and hadn’t played a Premier League match prior to Euro 2020(1) so I do not get his reluctance to play Wharton who smashed the Premier League after his transfer.

Going into the tournament we all thought that defence was our weakness and attacking was our strength. The former was wrong due to Guehi being our best player, the weakness is linking defence to attack, Wharton is the solution.

We have a myriad of options up front, recycle the starters and adopt the “finishers” philosophy of Wiegman and Hayes.
Brian (Scotland fans must travel light as they only wear a kilt and a Scotland shirt) BRFC