How James Milner proves Liverpool are ‘dream destination’ despite ‘staggering’ Salah snub

And if you think that headline makes no sense then that’s because it doesn’t but Liverpool is in there, right?

Boff-chance
The ‘boffins at the CIES Football Observatory’ (thanks The Sun) have been busy crunching the numbers to produce their approximation of the 100 most valuable footballers in the world, thus providing all of the websites with free content that can be REVEALED.

‘The 100 most-valuable stars in the world revealed with Harry Kane 30th and no room for Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi’

Can you ‘reveal’ a calculation?

Mediawatch supposes you can if you want to crowbar Ronaldo and Messi into a headline to suggest controversy, feigning astonishment that a 37-year-old and a 34-year-old are not among the most valuable footballers in the world.

‘And there is NO room for legendary pair Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi.’

There is also NO room for legendary trio Pele, Ronaldinho and Andy Booth.

The Sun then list the majority of the top ten – all aged 25 or under – without grasping why certain other players might feature lower down the list.

‘There’s pain for Spurs and England star Kane, who only narrowly made the top 30 with his £66m valuation.’

Kane will surely be reeling at the news that an algorithm decided that a player about to turn 29 with two years left on his contract after a pretty poor season is only worth £66m. That will have taken the shine out of Tottenham’s return to the Champions League.

‘But spare a thought for icons Ronaldo and Messi, with neither the Man Utd star or the PSG ace even entering the top 100 equation.’

The poor bastards.

Saka Saka
This is the Mirror website‘s take:

‘Arsenal already have £85m transfer asset worth more than Harry Kane and Jack Grealish’

Yes. Yes, they do.

This means Mo
Over at the Express, the concepts of age and contracts are entirely lost in a rush towards precious Liverpool clicks.

‘Arsenal, Chelsea, Man Utd and Man City stars valued more than Mohamed Salah in new table’

He’s a week off 30 with one year left on his contract, but f*** the facts because This Means More Clicks.

‘Mohamed Salah may well have scooped the Premier League’s Golden Boot alongside Tottenham’s Son Heung-min and find himself revered as one of English top-flight’s greatest current players, but he’s by no means the most valuable. That’s according to the latest data produced by the CIES Football Observatory, who credit a staggering 33 Premier League stars as carrying a higher market value than the Liverpool icon.’

‘Staggering’.

What’s actually staggering is that said Premier League Golden Boot winner Tottenham’s Son Heung-min is not among those 33 Premier League stars despite being younger with a longer contract. Christian Pulisic and Richarlison might also want a word.

Liverpool FC 4 Echo 4Eva
The Liverpool Echo are busy pretending that everything is bloody brilliant despite Sadio Mane and Mo Salah both looking towards the exit door.

‘Liverpool close in on Calvin Ramsay transfer as summer recruitment drive continues’

Never mind Salah, they’re about to sign an 18-year-old back-up right-back! And then…

‘Liverpool may be about to sign the new Luis Suarez as Jurgen Klopp plan changes’

Well he is Uruguayan. Though Darwin Nunez is clearly ‘about to sign’ for nobody at all.

But this is our favourite ‘everything is awesome la la la’ piece of all time:

‘Sadio Mane transfer replacement will prove Liverpool are still a destination club’

Here, Football Trends Writer Tom Cavilla fully embraces the football trend of propaganda by arguing that an unnamed player joining Liverpool will prove that players want to join Liverpool just as some players are making it very clear that they would like to leave, thank you.

‘Keeping hold of key individuals has proven easier than ever with Jurgen Klopp at the helm, highlighted by last summer’s transfer activity which saw the likes of Andy Robertson and Trent Alexander-Arnold commit their futures to the club.

‘Mane may be bucking this trend should be depart in the weeks ahead, though Liverpool’s position as a dream destination will remain intact. The Reds’ two most recent signings reinforce this message, with both Fabio Carvalho and Luis Diaz rejecting interest from elsewhere in order to make Merseyside their new home.’

Indeed. And if you can beat Porto and Tottenham to transfers then you are definitely ‘a dream destination’ and Liverpool fans absolutely should not be worried about losing their two best forwards.

‘The same could also be said for veteran midfielder James Milner, who has chosen to extend his stay at the club for a further year – snubbing offers from abroad and in the Premier League to make this possible.’

Presumably the 36-year-old Milner could have upped and left Liverpool for Bayern Munich or Real Madrid. What a coup.

‘What’s clear is that Liverpool will have a plan in place should Mane part company with the Reds this summer, which will result in another individual having the chance to become the latest Kop hero. Klopp won’t have to say much to convince prospective signings Anfield is the place to be for the good of their career, for the recent exploits of the first-team should do all the talking in this department.’

What’s clear is that you’re reaching.

‘The 30-year-old forward may well have decided this is the right time to write a new chapter in his career, though there will be no shortage of suitors wishing to take on his role within the side. A force to be reckoned with both domestically and on the European stage, representing the Reds is an opportunity you’d have to be foolish to pass up on.’

Two questions:

1) Is this an advert or an article?

2) Does somebody need to send this to Raphinha?

24 hour party people
Astonishing coincidence that just 24 hours after Cadena Ser journalist Anton Meana revealed that Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid had both been offered Gabriel Jesus, The Sun journalist Martin Blackburn claimed the ‘exclusive’ scoop that ‘the Spanish giants – along with neighbours Atletico – have been alerted to the Brazilian’s situation at Manchester City’.

We’re sure there’s a subtle and ‘exclusive’ difference somewhere.