Pirlo, Keane, Clayton… but no Cork – football’s finest face fungus

John Nicholson knows a good beard when he sees one. Here are 10 of his favourite players to sprout a face forest, featuring two current Liverpool stars…
Roy Keane
Grew his finest facial furniture after retiring when Roy was prone to the Old Testament prophet look. Gave him a fierce appearance that matched his bitter, searing punditry. Having seen the majesty of the full Old Testament prophet, has subsequently been clean shaven but somehow Roy always conceptually has a biblically big beard, even when he doesn’t.
Adam Clayton
For a while, especially while at Middlesbrough, he had the best beaver tail beard in football. So long and firm that it appeared possible to do a wall pass off it. The sort of beard an owner of a shop which sells beard wax and fact combs would have. Has since trimmed it back and looks decidedly ordinary.
Oliver Giroud
Fully paid-up member of the ‘would eat himself with a spoon’ club, you just know that Olly smells absolutely fantastic. Sports a glistening thick beard that betrays some serious work to maintain it’s full handsome quality. Has the kind of beard that could host its own chat show.
Stuart Sinclair
You might not have heard of the Walsall midfielder but his facial hair is exceptional. He goes for the Catweazle approach of growing it thick and wild and as a result has a reputation for his brilliant beard that his football seems unlikely to match.
Joe Ledley
He might consider his caps for Wales to be his finest achievement but that honour surely belongs to Ledley’s beard which at its fullest could give Clayton’s beaver tail a run for its money. The sort of man that looks wrong without any facial hair. Beard always looks a bit like it was made by Lego and could be taken off at any moment.
Andrea Pirlo
His main purpose in life always seemed to make all men feel inferior. Possessed a superior centre parting and matched it with a full, thick, testosterone-rich beard which was perfectly maintained. The only man who could sell his beard sweat and have us all queuing round the block for a splash of its manly magic.
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Mo Salah
Not so much a beard purveyor as representing the chronically unshaven. With his go-faster hair pinned back as he runs, Mo is simply a very hairy man. If he starts a game clean-shaven, he ends it with a full beard with follicles sprouting where lesser men can only dream to have them.
Olof Mellberg
A representative of the Viking marauder beard, grown in six months at sea.. Less a beard and more a defensive weapon to be deployed wading out of a long boat and occupying a former Roman town. The sort of beard you could cling onto in a force 10 gale
David Beckham
Widely assumed to be too girly for facial architecture. Went through a sculpted period trying to look like one of The Three Musketeers. Despite being a fan of beard wax, convinced no-one. Though in truth, their doublet and hose dress sense probably held more attraction for the famous show pony.
Joe Gomez
The sole representative on this list of the chin-only Amish beard that looks like something important for a proper beard is missing. History doesn’t record whether Gomez has a horse and trap, instead of the usual football’s climate destroying urban tractor. But it does look like his beard may actually slide off his face.