Mourinho’s best 11 All or Nothing quotes on Kane, Alli and…
The first few episodes of Amazon’s new Tottenham documentary came out this week, and there’s little doubt that Jose ‘Exotic’ Mourinho is the star of the show.
Here are some of his best quotes from the early episodes, starting obviously with the obvious one.
“But, for 90 minutes, for 90 minutes, you cannot be nice. For 90 minutes, we have to be a bunch of c***s. Intelligent c***s, not stupid c***s.”
There are more episodes to come, but it will still be a major surprise if this doesn’t go down as the “Carole f**king Baskin” of this latest documentary smash hit. Also making it known now that I’d quite like “Intelligent c***” on my tombstone, without the asterisks, even if it is 50% a lie.
“Do you speak good English? I am afraid of you as a marker, because you are capable of giving a shit penalty with VAR. I’m telling you already, I am afraid of you.”
Less than a week into the job, Mourinho discovers the long-established dread Spurs fans experience whenever they see the name Serge Aurier on a teamsheet. Mourinho being Mourinho, he channels that fear into an alpha move by making it pretty much the first thing he ever says to Aurier – the “Do you speak good English?” is key here – and also saying it in front of the entire squad mere moments before a must-win Champions League game.
“Everybody says my name wrong. Everybody calls me Jose. I’m not Jose. I’m Jose.”
During his very first training session, Mourinho makes a point of checking the correct pronunciation of Japhet Tanganga – who would become one of the big early winners under Jose (not Jose) – because he hates getting names wrong. Mourinho also checks what he is supposed to call Harry Winks as “the other one is Harry”. “Winksy” comes the inevitable British sportsperson reply.
“F**k”
A succinct and damning response to learning that Moussa Sissoko is seen as a big dressing-room influence.
“Come on, Dele. Move around, man. You are too slow. Want the ball.”
Mourinho instantly spots that Dele Alli might not be the most intense trainer in the history of the sport.
“I’m going to be a pain in the ass on you. And you are lucky.”
Mourinho has a lot to say to Dele Alli.
“Where’s Dele? I understood already that you are a f**king lazy guy in training.”
Jose deploys his famous man-management skills in an early attempt to get the best out of Dele Alli.
“Yesterday I was 20. Today I’m 56.”
One part David Brent “both in our thirties” and one part ‘He’s 28 until he becomes 29’ as Jose tries again to get Dele to knuckle down and ensure he doesn’t look back on his career with regret.
“By being with me, I can help you to explode.”
Mourinho appeals to Harry Kane’s personal ambition to finally get the sort of widespread acclaim that, all banter aside, his record really does deserve.
“Too much time in places I don’t belong. I don’t belong in the box or in the stands or even the sofa in my own home. I belong to the game. I was empty. I needed my place.”
In what appears a genuine moment of honesty and introspection but quite possibly isn’t, Mourinho opens up on his time out of management and his desire to get back at it.
“Davinson! You have balls? When you played the final against me with Ajax, everybody shit yourself. I won the game, minute one.”
Mourinho reminisces with Davinson Sanchez about testicles, faeces and Manchester United’s 2017 Europa League final victory over Ajax.
Dave Tickner
