Jude Bellingham is Ali, Superman and Jesus Christ (and he has a fit dad)

We’re not saying that the England media has got carried away with Jude Bellingham, but he’s a matador, Jesus Christ, Superman and more rolled into one…

For whom the Bell tolls
Having edited two Mailboxes full of negativity about England’s performance against Serbia, we were bemused to see The Sun headline: ‘England 1 Serbia 0: Brilliant Jude Bellingham gets Three Lions off to perfect start at Euro 2024.’

First, it was actually Serbia 0 England 1, but why be accurate with the match result when you can elevate England to opening status?

Second, it didn’t look perfect. It looked ragged. And chaotic. And unnecessarily nervy.

But Dave Kidd is not for distracting from his nauseating narrative about the great Jude Bellingham, who he compares to ‘Muhammad Ali or Tiger Woods in their pomp’. Or ‘the kid from the city of the Bull Ring, shaping up like a matador’.

We’re not saying that Kidd got a tad carried away but it took him 36 paragraphs to admit that Serbia actually had an attack.

Hell, it took him 11 paragraphs of a supposed match report to mention the name of any other current England player except a man genuinely compared to ‘Christ the Redeemer’. No pressure, fella.

Elsewhere on The Sun, we’re told that ‘Jude Bellingham eclipses Cristiano Ronaldo and breaks Michael Owen’s long-standing record for England at Euro 2024’.

It quickly becomes apparent that Bellingham has not ‘eclipsed’ Ronaldo insomuch as eclipsed every player in world football as he has become the first European player under the age of 21 to play in three major tournaments. To be fair, it helps when there are three major tournaments in three years.

At the age of 20 years and 353 days, Bellingham surpassed England legend Owen (22 years and 170 days old) as the youngest player to play at three major international competitions.

Nice. Well done, Jude. He really is quite marvellous.

However, there was also another iconic name that Bellingham knocked off a perch.

His feat surpassed even Portugal great Ronaldo.

He was 23 years and 123 days old when he made his third appearance at an international tournament.

Ronaldo was never on the sodding perch then was he? Not even in the same postcode as the perch. But well done for crowbarring his name into a headline about the new Muhammed Ali.

MORE ON SERBIA v ENGLAND FROM F365:
👉 Jude Bellingham’s England (just) beat Serbia: 16 Conclusions on an unnecessarily nervy opener
👉 England player ratings v Serbia: Bellingham runs the show, Kane quiet, Saka shows positive signs
👉 Harry Kane was ‘static and lumbering’ as he faces calls to be dropped by England

Bell End
Oliver Holt is almost as effusive in the Mail, saying Bellingham ‘played like Superman’.

Holt writes that ‘with him, anything is possible in Germany this summer’, which kind of ignores the elephant in the room that ‘with him’, England only just scraped past Serbia.

‘If some had begun to carp at the praise being lavished on him and started to suggest there was too much hype around him, this will have shut them up. Believe the hype. It’s real.’

We believe the hype but the only ‘carping’ we have seen in the past week is from Holt’s Mail colleague Craig Hope, who wrote that ‘for all the talk of Bellingham being the saviour, Kane is the one England player who is irreplaceable’.

Just a few days later, Hope was on England ratings duty and gave Kane 5.5 and Bellingham an 8. Are you sure Kane is the ‘irreplaceable’ one, Craig?

Also, would Superman really only deliver an 8/10 performance?

Elsewhere in the Mail, ‘England hero Jude Bellingham goes straight to celebrate Three Lions win with his mother, heartthrob father and lookalike footballer brother.’

Even Superman didn’t have a fit dad.

You can ring my Bell
Obviously, England content just does not generate the same traffic as Liverpool and Manchester United, so Caught Offside have an innovative but depressing solution:

‘Jude Bellingham emulates Liverpool and Man Utd greats in England 1-0 Serbia’.

But all of our praise is reserved for the little-heralded Shropshire Star for this:

How does England’s Jude Bellingham rank alongside the Black Country’s best?

Up there with Superman, we reckon.
Phil yer boots with words
Obviously the Manchester Evening News cannot join the Jude Bellingham love-fest so this is their nod to England coverage:

Phil Foden’s seven word message is perfect reply to Cesc Fabregas ‘step up’ criticism

Joe Bray – looking at the world through blue goggles – writes that ‘Jude Bellingham got the goal and was slightly ahead of his teammates, but there was no standout’. Did you not see Muhammed Ali, Christ and Superman rolled into one, Joe?

But England always need a scapegoat, even in victory. Step forward Phil Foden.

And Trent Alexander-Arnold, Harry Kane and Gareth Southgate. But this is the MEN so they only care about Manchester, la la la.

But what about this ‘perfect reply’ to Cesc Fabregas’ comments that the City man probably hadn’t seen? What is this ‘seven word message’?

Foden took to Instagram and simply wrote: “Job done. Onto the next one.”

Seems churlish to point out that’s six words. And yet.

Buk your ideas up
Desperate for a different angle, we get this in the Mirror:

Harry Kane gesture speaks volumes as England’s unsung hero emerges in Serbia win

The ‘Harry Kane gesture’ in question is basically the England captain patting Saka across the chest after he made the England goal. Does it ‘speak volumes’? Does it f***. But this is 2024 and all sense has long been lost.

Apparently it ‘was a captain’s gesture – making sure the provider got the same sort of credit as the man who was knee-sliding towards the cameras’. Or it was a man half-embracing his friend after he had helped create the goal? You decide.

As for ‘unsung hero’…Saka is a two-time England Player of the Year. He is very much sung.