Liverpool: From ‘bottle jobs’ to ‘basically bad luck’

Date published: Monday 13th May 2019 11:03

Wyett eurgh
‘No other team has had such an impressive impact as Liverpool over nine months and still failed to win the championship.

‘The players know they could not have done any more. To reach 97 points and win 30 games – and still finish second – is basically bad luck,’ writes The Sun‘s Charlie Wyett, who describes this Liverpool campaign as an ‘unbelievable season’.

‘Basically bad luck’ you say? Well that was not the Wyett line in February, when he reacted to a draw against Manchester United at Old Trafford – which left Liverpool actually still top of the Premier League – thus:

‘Liverpool fans chanted about being top of the league but, deep down, they know their team is choking.

‘It is almost as if they are now giving Spurs a real fight to land the crown as the great bottle jobs of English football.

‘As for Liverpool fans thinking it is finally going to be their year, disappointment is around the corner.’

Can they be ‘the great bottle jobs’ and also suffer ‘basically bad luck’? It sounds complicated.

 

Small-time Crooks
This is just bizarre from Garth Crooks as he names his team of the season on the BBC website:

‘I have almost run out of superlatives to describe Virgil van Dijk’s performances this season – he has featured in my team of the week more than any other player.

‘What the Dutch international has brought to Liverpool’s defence is almost unquantifiable. I do feel however, that if Liverpool fail to win the Champions League, and that is by no means certain, it may hasten Van Dijk’s departure.

‘Players of his class need to be playing for the best team in the world.’

So if Liverpool lose to Tottenham, is he going to join Tottenham? Behave.

 

Exclusively upset
The most bizarre of Manchester United exclusives on The Sun website as Mike McGrath writes that ‘FURIOUS Ole Gunnar Solskjaer scrapped Manchester United’s end-of-season team debriefing after the shocking defeat to Cardiff’.

It doesn’t sound like a punishment.

‘United finished the campaign with a dismal 2-0 loss to Neil Warnock’s relegated side – and Solskjaer reacted by telling players to start their summer immediately.’

It definitely doesn’t sound like a punishment.

‘Some players were upset as they already booked travel plans to meet up with family AFTER the final team meeting before the summer break.’

You can use capitals and bold type all you want, Mediawatch is not buying the notion that footballers are upset at missing out on the chance to be told just how terrible they have been this season.

“But, but, I booked the train, I’ve got reserved seats and it’s non-refundable…”

 

What a difference seven weeks can make
‘MANCHESTER UNITED aim to get Marcus Rashford’s new deal done this season to keep him out of Real Madrid’s clutches. SunSport revealed last week the club are ready to more than TREBLE Rash’s wages to £200,000 a week’ – Neil Custis, The Sun, February 2019.

‘OLE GUNNAR SOLSKJAER immediately targeted the title after taking over permanently at Manchester United – but wants to sort the future of his stars out first…it’s not just new arrivals Solskjaer is aiming to get sorted – he is also desperate to get the long-term futures of David De Gea and Marcus Rashford sorted’ – Neil Custis, The Sun, March 2019.

‘Anyone who leaves this season will not be missed, not even David De Gea given his newly found inability to stop long-range shots’ – Neil Custis, The Sun, May 2019.

Custis really is miserable about the plight of United – understandably given they are basically shite – but this line is just plain ridiculous:

‘There was only one ‘kid’ starting as Mason Greenwood at 17 years and 224 days became the club’s youngest player in a Premier League game.

‘So there were no excuses, it was an experienced side in all.’

Handily, The Sun have done the maths and contradicted their Manchester correspondent with a list showing that United fielded the youngest starting XI in the Premier League on Sunday. Well done, subs; we applaud that kind of pettiness.

This ‘experienced’ side featured five players who were all under 23, four of whom have played fewer than 50 games for United.

They still shouldn’t have lost to Cardiff City, mind.

 

The time is how
So what does the future hold for this terrible Manchester United team? Well, the Daily Mirror website have the answer:

‘How Man Utd could line up next season after ruthless summer overhaul of squad.’

Or ‘how Man Utd could line up next season if a load of excellent footballers lose their minds and decide to join a sixth-place Europa League side despite interest from Manchester City and other elite European clubs, while United still inexplicably retain Scott McTominay in the centre of midfield’.

Still, we bet it gets about four million more clicks than this Mediawatch.

 

If not how, then when?
The Daily Express website are going a step further this Monday morning:

‘When Man Utd chief Ed Woodward may consider sacking Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.’

Now this is a big claim. We would very much like to know this, and presumably Jack Otway of the Express has inside information.

Mediawatch waded through 13 paragraphs to get to this nugget of information:

 ‘If United find themselves well adrift of the top four by Christmas, then United may rethink things.’

They bloody may.

 

Fence-sitting headline of the day
‘Manchester United are right and wrong over Ander Herrera departure’ – Samuel Luckhurst, Manchester Evening News.

Mediawatch would like to know just how they can be simultaneously both right and wrong, but we simply could not get past this opening line:

‘The house of cards are falling at Manchester United but Paul Pogba will still be standing.’

The house of cards is falling.

Sorry (not sorry).

 

Admission of the day
‘UNAI EMERY admitted Arsenal are miles behind Manchester City and Liverpool, even with striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang sharing the Golden Boot’ – Simon Bird, Daily Mirror.

He’s seen the league table, then?

 

The secret of success
Jack Gaughan wrote many, many words for MailOnline about this remarkable Manchester City squad and their drive. So of course it was reduced to this…

‘Bonding over breakfast, card games, 10-minute training drills and no days off…how Pep Guardiola made Manchester City go again and capture second straight Premier League title.’

Yep. That’s exactly it.

 

BARMY
‘Brighton sacking Chris Hughton is BARMY – poker-playing Tony Bloom has played a poor hand’ is the headline on a piece from Jeremy Cross for the Daily Star.

Apparently, ‘it’s been an incredible season in the Premier League, but Bloom sacking Hughton might just be the most astonishing thing to happen of all’.

Because sacking a man who has presided over post-Christmas form of 11 points from 18 games is definitely more astonishing than a team earning 97 points and losing just one game, but still finishing only second.

 

Recommended reading of the day
Rory Smith on Liverpool

Jonathan Liew on Liverpool

 

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