Liverpool invented the loan system as we know it!

Date published: Tuesday 24th March 2020 11:43

Dull and void
Sorry but Rio Ferdinand is a fool. A proper fool. He is right to say that Premier League football is not worth compromising anybody’s health (on the back page of the Daily Mirror), but his reasoning for voiding the entire season is nonsensical.

“I just think the Premier League should be voided.”

Do you now? And why is that?

“I know there are going to be a lot of Liverpool fans going ‘Oh Rio, it’s just because you support United.'”

Not us. That’s not our game. We just want to know your actual logic.

“It’s not that, it’s just that I can’t see a way it can be done, where health isn’t compromised. This is about life-and-death situations. Listen. I love football, we all do. But it ain’t life or death.”

What you’ve done there, Rio, is make an argument for no football being played at the moment. And you are right. But starting a new season does not give football some kind of immunity against coronavirus. August is not going to magically bring health, wealth and happiness, but only if it’s now 2020/21.

“Start the season with a clean slate.”

Nope, you still haven’t convinced us.

“Once this health situation is ironed out, all sorted out, then we can start a new season.”

You’re just repeating yourself now. And it’s awful tiresome.


Insist this
And then on the Mirror website, this is the biggest story in football: ‘Gary Neville has disagreed with his former Manchester United teammate Rio Ferdinand and insisted that the Premier League season must be finished, even if that means old rivals Liverpool win the title’.

Probably because he’s not a bloody child.


And in today’s instalment of numbers being written inexplicably in CAPITALS to confuse us about whether those numbers should really be bigger or smaller comes the back page of The Sun and the following ‘EXCLUSIVE’:

‘PREMIER LEAGUE stars are to be kept apart until May 1 – at the earliest.

‘The top flight is now in lockdown with clubs sorting fitness programmes that could see them make a full-on return to training SIX WEEKS from now.’

That’s basically just maths. We’re not shocked by maths.


May the second be with you…
As for that May 1 date for a return to training…somebody had better tell the Premier League as John Cross writes in the Daily Mirror that they ‘have even mapped out a plan to play behind closed doors as early as May 2 to get football underway again’.

That gives them ONE day of training. That’s enough, right?


WAG the dog
‘REAL MADRID star Luka Jovic is in hot water after breaking quarantine and flying to Serbia to see pregnant Wag Sofija Milosevic during the coronavirus crisis’ – The Sun.

Wife AND girlfriend? Stop this now. It’s 2020. We know it’s 2020 because everything is shit.


Red Mbappe
Just when you think the one thing that might be mercifully killed by coronavirus is the once-virulent notion that Kylian Mbappe is on his way to Liverpool, along come the Mirror with this click-tastic headline:

‘Liverpool stakeholder LeBron James drops Kylian Mbappe into Reds conversation’

So LeBron James (who has no say over Liverpool transfer policy as a minority stakeholder but whatever…) was talking about Liverpool and then dropped Mbappe into the conversation?! Well the deal is almost certainly on!

Not only did he drop Mbappe into the conversation, the opening line tells us that he ‘couldn’t help but lavish praise on Paris Saint-Germain superstar Kylian Mbappe’. He was positively compelled.

So despite Jurgen Klopp making it abundantly clear that Liverpool cannot afford Mbappe, we presume that these new developments mean that the Frenchman will indeed be joining the Reds in 2020.

‘It remains to be seen whether Liverpool will be able to afford the the forward, but when James was asked about his favourite football players in an Instagram Q&A he namedropped the star.

‘”Favourite soccer players … I got a few,” he said.

‘”First of all, every player on Liverpool. Straight up. Every player on Liverpool.

‘”Mbappe, Neymar, Cristiano Ronaldo, those guys are legends, I love those guys. Those are just a few of them.”

‘Over to you, Liverpool.’

Over to you indeed. Buy Mbappe. Buy Neymar. Buy Ronaldo. Because LeBron James ‘couldn’t help but lavish praise on Paris Saint-Germain superstar Kylian Mbappe’ (and two of the other best players in the world).


Price of admission
And over at the Liverpool Echo

‘LeBron James makes Liverpool admission and declares Kylian Mbappe ‘love”

And yes, his ‘admission’ is that he loves all of the Liverpool players. Anyone starting to think that words have lost their meaning?


Loan rangers
Also over at the Liverpool Echo, they are pretending something really bloody odd – that no other elite clubs use the loan market to sell on players like Liverpool. Because this means more or something.

Apparently, ‘Ovie Ejaria perhaps offers the best example of how Liverpool currently operate in the loan transfer market’ (because they will sell him at the end of his loan spell at Reading) and ‘it’s another case of forward planning from Klopp and Edwards that isn’t being replicated anywhere across the top six’.

Because of course Liverpool have invented the notion of sending players out on loan with a view to making a profit. Really.

‘Traditionally, temporary spells away from the club were viewed as opportunities for young players to experience senior football and harden their character away from the academy bubble.

‘But Jurgen Klopp and Michael Edwards have another take on the system.’

It takes a lot to shock Mediawatch but we are genuinely astounded that even the archest of Liverpool propaganda merchants could claim that Liverpool have somehow blazed the trail with a tactic that has literally underpinned Chelsea over the last five years.

Even if we look solely at this season, Chelsea have sold Ola Aina, Tomas Kalas, Michael Hector and Kenneth Omeruo after loan spells. And that’s just Chelsea. Then there’s Manchester City (Douglas Luiz and Manu Garcia) and Arsenal (Krystian Bielik).

This means more? This means bullshit.


Recommended reading of the day
Daniel Storey on the lost superstar of women’s football

Rory Smith on the breakable habit of soccer


Recommended listening of the day
Arseblog talks to Cesc Fabregas


The F365 Show is on hiatus until the football returns. Subscribe now ready for its glorious comeback. In the meantime, listen to the latest episode of Planet Football’s 2000s podcast, The Broken Metatarsal.

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