Liverpool win title with Villa relegated as Grealish executes ambitious escape plan
Some heroically bold season predictions from a Daily Star man catch Mediawatch’s eye today, while elsewhere there’s a thrilling escape involving Jack Grealish and underground tunnels.
Three colours red
Anyone who has ever written or indeed read any significant amount of online Premier League football content will already know which three clubs generate pretty much all the clicks and hits and traffic and, ultimately, coin.
But it’s always fun to be reminded of that fact and the three clubs involved with unapologetic headlines like this one from the Mirror…
Premier League rule change that affects Man Utd, Arsenal and Liverpool this weekend
The rule change in question is pretty simple. Premier League clubs now have to announce their teams 75 minutes before kick-off instead of 60 minutes before kick-off. That’s all Premier League clubs.
Unless we’ve missed the line about this rule only applying to teams in red, this new rule will also ‘affect’ Aston Villa, Bournemouth, Brentford, Brighton, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Everton, Fulham, Ipswich, Leicester, Man City, Newcastle, Nottingham Forest, Southampton, Tottenham, West Ham and Wolves.
But really, who cares about those silly little teams?
Predictive text
Mediawatch has nothing but respect for Daily Star man Adam Cailler for his, let’s say, bold set of predictions for the 2024/25 season.
Of course, every publication has asked its writers to make their predictions for the upcoming season as is traditional. You can check out Football365’s very own wrong-headed embarrassments here, if you like, although Mediawatch’s advice would be to wait a few months so you can really revel in the humiliating inaccuracy of it all.
But among all the usual stuff across every football website in town, with writers wearily predicting City to win the title, or worse pretending that “Erik Ten Hag will be gone by Christmas!” or “West Ham are my dark horses – they could push for Europe!” represent interesting and/or original thought, a hero comes along.
A hero who tips Liverpool to win the Premier League and is only getting started there. Fourth place? Leicester City.
Leicester come into the season without any expectations, and have a very talented squad. Don’t be shocked if they finish fourth.
We will be shocked, Adam.
Relegated? Southampton, Everton – who will be bottom ‘by a long, long way’ and, er, Aston Villa. Unai Emery first manager sacked as well, which we suppose does at least follow on logically from their relegation form.
FA Cup winners? Ipswich. Carabao? Bournemouth. It’s absolutely glorious stuff, this. And to reiterate, we are not criticising any of it in any way. We all get this stuff wrong, might as well go down in flames.
Only problem of course, is that all these molten takes leave Adam with almost nowhere to go when asked to make a ‘Bold/outrageous claim’.
Manchester United will finish bottom half but Erik ten Hag will keep his job
Pretty mild stuff, that, when you’ve got Leicester fourth and Villa relegated and Ipswich and Bournemouth pocketing silverware.
Our absolute favourite bit of it all, though, is that, despite all these subversive answers, when pressed on a Champions League winner and Premier League top-scorer he’s still settled on Real Madrid and Erling Haaland.
We all like a laugh, but there are limits. You can take things too far.
Tunnel vision
Mediawatch thought it had concluded its fun with the breathless reporting of Bernardo Silva going for a birthday meal with some friends and colleagues, but never underestimate The Sun is a lesson Mediawatch should, frankly, have learned long ago.
Because as actual Premier League football returns, we somehow find ourselves on day two of Bernardo Silva’s Birthday Meal.
So what fresh new angle has come to light to extend its spot in the news cycle?
Jack Grealish sneaks out of Bernardo Silva’s birthday party in underground tunnel as Man City stars hit town with Wags
Oh here we go. Classic Jack.
Jack Grealish was among those in attendance, but when it came time to leave, the England star used an underground tunnel to make his escape.
What’s revealing here is the quite clear implication from the Sun that he’s sneaking away and escaping the party itself when what he’s actually sneaking away from or ‘escaping’ is… the photographers The Sun will pay for pictures of him.
Even better, though, is the discovery that Grealish’s ‘escape’ via an ‘underground tunnel’ might in fact be a lot less James Bond than they’ve initially made it sound.
It’s understood the winger snuck out using an underground service tunnel to a staff car park before getting a lift home.
Never show people how the trick works.