Lucky James dodges the Beckham comparisons as below-par England continue to solve problems

It was all there, wasn’t it?

Normally the mass rush to make a simplistic and obvious comparison between a men’s match from 25 years ago and a women’s match in 2023 would be the sort of thing to get Mediawatch’s spidey senses tingling. But Lauren James’ astoundingly dim stamp on Michelle Alozie’s backside was so impossibly, perfectly David Beckham that it was impossible for pretty much anyone English aged 35 or over not to make the link.

World Cup. Round of 16. Number seven. Early 20s. Great hope of the nation. Doing something really fucking stupid. It was all there and everything was written. Including this piece.

But this time the ending was different. England are, somehow, through. England, somehow, prevailed on penalties. The demons of ’98 are exorcised. David Batty is free. “Quickly, Kevin…” is no more.

A penalty shoot-out that started abysmally and ended spectacularly saw England through to the quarter-finals of this wide-open World Cup at Nigeria’s expense and still with every chance of going all the way. But this was a game that left England with more questions than answers after that swashbuckling win over China had appeared to provide a solution to so many of them.

This was a wretched performance from England, really. The only elements to be praised were the tenacity and perseverance and the composure of the final four penalty-takers. England were slower, more ponderous and less sure of themselves in every area of the pitch than a quite brilliant Nigeria side.

There was mitigation for England’s apparent sloppiness and carelessness with the ball in the sheer excellence of Nigeria’s pressing. England never had a second to think. What looked like underhit passes were often just anticipated. The errors that looked unforced often weren’t. England’s best players were their three centre-backs, who did a great deal of desperate work to give Mary Earps a quieter game than the overall tenor of proceedings would lead you to expect. Earps was still flawless in what she did have to do.

Further forward, England were living off scraps. James’ ultimately disastrous frustration began to grow early in the game as Nigeria stubbornly refused to allow her to be brilliant.

Nigeria’s attacking play was good, but before the sending off changed the tone, their defending was if anything even more impressive. With Rachel Daly at left wing-back and Alessia Russo and Lauren Hemp operating ahead of James the counter-attacking threat was always there, but only ever nascent. Nigeria snuffed everything out. There were glimmers of possibility a couple of times in the first half when Hemp found some space out on the left, but only fleetingly. Lucy Bronze occasionally found some space too but did little with it in a puzzling overall performance in which she was also perhaps lucky not to concede a penalty.

James was shackled, reduced to speculative long-range efforts in the first half and even less in the second. The incident that will in all likelihood end her tournament – it was clear violent conduct and the automatic one-game ban should therefore be upgraded to three – was borne of pure frustration.

Here is another way it differed slightly from The Beckham Incident. Beckham was stupid and he was suckered in. But at least he was stupid and suckered in by Diego Simeone, a man who has gone on to prove himself an elite shithouse. Perhaps the finest in the game’s history.

If you’re going to get yourself sent off for something really stupid in a World Cup last-16 game for England, at least be able to say you were provoked by the game’s greatest ever shithouse. It’s what we’ve always said.

But you could also argue that if you’re going to get sent off for something really stupid in a World Cup last-16 game, at least be able to say your team still went through is perhaps an even better maxim. Not as good as ‘Don’t get sent off for something really stupid in a World Cup last-16 game at all’ perhaps, but still.

The @Lionesses down to 10 as Lauren James has a Beckhamesque moment of madness.

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) August 7, 2023

It would be a huge stretch to say England were better with 10; James is that rare and special player whose mere presence on the pitch in even her more anonymous games nevertheless constantly occupies the minds and actions of opposing defenders. What England did have with 10 was clarity. The counter-attacking moments became more fleeting still, but the stubborn refusal to buckle at the back became redoubled. Brilliant as Nigeria were, they will perhaps wonder if they could have done more in what amounted in the end to almost a full half of football with a one-woman advantage.

This whole World Cup campaign – from long before they arrived in Australia – has been about problem-solving for England and Sarina Wiegman. They have so far, just about, solved every problem that has been placed in front of them. That they have done so while largely playing well below the levels of which they’re capable is testament to Wiegman and this team. They are teak tough and tournament honed. They are a team that does to others what other teams traditionally do to England.

They now have a whole new problem to solve at this World Cup with James, the spark who had ignited their tournament in the group stage, now likely to miss the rest of it. At least, though, they have the chance to find yet another solution. If today told us nothing else, it’s that you wouldn’t bet against them finding it.